Gratuitous Gore (possibly NSFW)

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I once touched that thing. I was in Edinburgh during a Weird Time back in 2006, and I was given tickets to see An Inconvenient Truth.

Filled with booze and rich food, I farted my way through the whole thing while looking at the back of his head as he was sat a few rows away from me.

Then he stood up and pontificated at the end, doing that Leadership thing many of you Americans love so well. Then he took some questions from the crowd (my friend Jerrys was "Are you going to run for the White House in 2008, seeing as Clinton is hopelessly un-electable?", but this was ignored). Then he shook hands with the people.

His hand touched mine, and our eyes locked like in the movies when a missile lock goes BEEP. I could hear a soft whirring of gears and servos, and noticed he was absolutely dripping with sweat. His hands felt like oiled pastry. Then he was gone, striding up the stairs like a political terminator.

I still have nightmares to this day. I hate you Roger. I won't sleep right for days now.

It is not the purpose of  Holy Man™ to show you pleasing things and tell you pleasant lies.

I swear to God it was like touching concentrated frictionless evil. Like fondling Satans heart.

I married some of that. 

When I withdrew my hand, strings of some almost indescribable globby matter stretched out between us. I swear he hissed at me, a dry rasping rattle like a lizard. A ROBOTIC LIZARD.

WHY ROGER, WHY?!

I want to share my pain.