Guess what I got for Xmas?!??!?!??!!

[Ben Shapiro]

If I'm in, you know, especially in a poor area, and I see guys walking like they're thugs down the street, I don't care what color they are, I go "That guy looks like they're a thug, and looks like they're tough, okay... If they try to shake me down I'm gonna ignore them and keep walking, and if they come up to me and try to put a hand on me, I'm gonna punch 'em right in the throat. 'Cause I don't wanna jump on top on of 'em and hurt my knees and stuff, when I slam their head in the ground. Plus, I don't wanna kill 'em. 'Cause then I'd have to go to jail and stuff, and they'd have to find that it was done in self defense. Been down that road." So, I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, "Alright. I'm gonna punch this guy in the throat." I'm thinking how hard am I gonna punch him. And I'm not thinking he's a black guy. I'm thinking the guy's walking like a thug, thinks they're tough, and I'm thinking about how I'm going to defend myself. Just like when I've been at the Coast, a few years ago, and walk out of a restaurant in South Padre and they're having a biker rally—and it wasn't like a nice biker rally, most rallies are nice people—it was like thug wannabes, rode up with a motorcycle...and were looking at me, and I was thinking "Okay. Alright. That guy is taking his helmet off. I'm gonna punch him in the throat the minute he tries to get up and do something, and then I'm gonna assault those next three guys. Then they'll probably pull a weapon. I need to take that." I mean, that's what I'm thinking whenever something like that is going on. I can't help it. I'm thinking, "Alright, I'm ready to kill." That's just how I am. And I'm thinking, "Alright. Okay. Instantly assess these guys. These are probably ex-con, real criminals. I've got my three kids here. That gives me, you know, just turbo dinosaur power. And I'm thinking, "Control yourself. Don't have a fight, unless you absolutely got to." You know, the man in me is READY TO TAKE ALL ON!! AND... YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, DON'T YOU? ARGH, YOU SCUM! I HATE GANG MEMBERS AND FILTH! And it has NOTHING to do with black people. But I will STUMP your head in if you start a fight with me, you thug scum! Anyways, excuse me ladies and gentlemen.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It's vaguely turkey shaped, and RWHN tears would be a LOT bigger.

[Telarus]

Luchadore mask on a clear plastic mannequin head.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

A basket of jam?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

The world's largest caramel apple?

[Cain]

Your two front teeth?

[EK WAFFLR]

A hippopotamus?

[Odibex Grallspice]

Looks like a ginormous heart.

[Eater of Clowns]

So far Nigel is somewhat close!

WELL THEN IT MUST BE HEAD CHEESE

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Is it a basket of meat?

[whenhellfreezes]

A beehive?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

A cowboy hat with a basket handle on it, or some kind of THING stuck on another THING.

Something electronic packaged in that plastic that you need to cut with a buck skinning knife while trying not to slice through delicate wires.

A potty chair to catch HFT butthurt.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

A child's easter basket filled with various body parts 'donated' by your enemies and decorated with glitter and Sharpie-inscribed runes of fealty.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

A bigass Jim Beam decanter that looks like 21st century Axl.

[Ben Shapiro]

A child's easter basket filled with various body parts 'donated' by your enemies and decorated with glitter and Sharpie-inscribed runes of fealty.

Well need a bigger basket!