OPEN BAR: 50 Shades of Chronic Liver Disease

[Nephew Twiddleton]

So the guy in that V-J Day picture died.

Is it bad that my first thought was to change the headline to:"Notorious nurse-face assaulting sailor dies, is celebrated primarily as iconic mouth-violator"?

[Suu]

Oh lawd, I went and pissed off Coyote on the Facespace with my opinion of English Literature. I misread something he posted in his argument against Shakespeare, and now he has to prove to me in his expert undergraduate English major opinion that I'm wrong, even though I stated, clearly, that I misread his post. Instead, I got a thesis, and he's being a whiny bitch despite me telling him to chill the fuck out. 

ENGLISH MAJOR PRIVILEGE.   

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I passed my security test. I am one step closer to a temporary existence as a rent-a-pig. I apologize if this shatters anyone's impression of me. And I weep if it doesn't.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE. WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY?

THIS IS  TERRIBLE. JESUS WEPT.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I went and got sunburned.

Seriously, this is my first real burn in years. I think I've gone native New Englander. 

What is this "sun burn"?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Hi, PD. Do you think it is wrong to have a policy of not having sex with women who don't identify with being feminists? In this world of lots of bad people, I feel it's necessary to set up some restrictions. Xoxoxo, Lenin

Kinda what Net said. I think that it would be reasonable to have a policy of not having sex with women who identify as not-feminists, though, totally.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

3 hours of horror, then onto the plane to Rhode Island.

With a stop in Atlanta.  I hope nobody gets their dandruff on the ground and they cancel all flights.

It's just cold. No precipitation. You will hear much wailing and gnashing of teeth as the natives begin the ritual summoning of Summer which involves lots and lots whining about how cold it is when it's 75 and sunny. Just nod, smile, and make sure you're drinking Coca-Cola.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I passed my security test. I am one step closer to a temporary existence as a rent-a-pig. I apologize if this shatters anyone's impression of me. And I weep if it doesn't.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE. WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY?

THIS IS  TERRIBLE. JESUS WEPT.

I was a rent-a-cop for five years. No one died. Congrats on passing your security test. I'm relieved to know you aren't a 'person of interest'.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I passed my security test. I am one step closer to a temporary existence as a rent-a-pig. I apologize if this shatters anyone's impression of me. And I weep if it doesn't.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE. WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY?

THIS IS  TERRIBLE. JESUS WEPT.

I was a rent-a-cop for five years. No one died. Congrats on passing your security test. I'm relieved to know you aren't a 'person of interest'.

B-b-b-but he's not doing porn anymore. 

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I passed my security test. I am one step closer to a temporary existence as a rent-a-pig. I apologize if this shatters anyone's impression of me. And I weep if it doesn't.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE. WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY?

THIS IS  TERRIBLE. JESUS WEPT.

I was a rent-a-cop for five years. No one died. Congrats on passing your security test. I'm relieved to know you aren't a 'person of interest'.

B-b-b-but he's not doing porn anymore. 

That is indeed a tragedy. However, we all must move on and find new challenges and whatnot. Now I've got an image of Hoopla as a rent-a-cop stripper with women's lingerie under his uniform.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I passed my security test. I am one step closer to a temporary existence as a rent-a-pig. I apologize if this shatters anyone's impression of me. And I weep if it doesn't.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE. WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY?

THIS IS  TERRIBLE. JESUS WEPT.

I was a rent-a-cop for five years. No one died. Congrats on passing your security test. I'm relieved to know you aren't a 'person of interest'.

B-b-b-but he's not doing porn anymore. 

That is indeed a tragedy. However, we all must move on and find new challenges and whatnot. Now I've got an image of Hoopla as a rent-a-cop stripper with women's lingerie under his uniform.

I can roll with that.

[Cain]

I passed my security test. I am one step closer to a temporary existence as a rent-a-pig. I apologize if this shatters anyone's impression of me. And I weep if it doesn't.

Welcome to the club.

Incidentally, this town is such a shithole.  While riding back from work, I saw a pile of vomit, some blood splatter and a crushed up bottle of Lucozade, and my first thought was "well, at least someone had fun last night".

Cain,
did not have fun last night.

[LMNO]

So, based upon yesterday's conversation with Scilon, I've discovered that a Sincerity Troll is actually a thing, and it's hella fun watching some asshole spew vitriol all over authentically polite posts. Self-pwnage at its best.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I'm not even at work yet and I already know it's fucked up. Pissy boss called in another co-worker on his only day off and then took off. Don't know why. And now the computer/register is down again and shit is blowing up and fuuuuuuck thiiiiis shiiiiit.

Looking forward to a fun-filled, action-packed day!

[hooplala]

I passed my security test. I am one step closer to a temporary existence as a rent-a-pig. I apologize if this shatters anyone's impression of me. And I weep if it doesn't.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE. WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY?

THIS IS  TERRIBLE. JESUS WEPT.

I was a rent-a-cop for five years. No one died. Congrats on passing your security test. I'm relieved to know you aren't a 'person of interest'.

B-b-b-but he's not doing porn anymore. 

That is indeed a tragedy. However, we all must move on and find new challenges and whatnot. Now I've got an image of Hoopla as a rent-a-cop stripper with women's lingerie under his uniform.

I can roll with that.

This is not inaccurate.

[hooplala]

I passed my security test. I am one step closer to a temporary existence as a rent-a-pig. I apologize if this shatters anyone's impression of me. And I weep if it doesn't.

Welcome to the club.

Incidentally, this town is such a shithole.  While riding back from work, I saw a pile of vomit, some blood splatter and a crushed up bottle of Lucozade, and my first thought was "well, at least someone had fun last night".

Cain,
did not have fun last night.

All of civilization, distilled into one splash of humanity.