News:

There's only a handful of you, and you're acting like obsessed lunatics.

I honestly wouldn't want to ever be washed up on the shore unconscious on an island run by you lot.

Main Menu

A Few Notes on an Inconvenient Universe, part I

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, April 28, 2014, 04:39:21 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1 2
User actions

The Good Reverend Roger

April 28, 2014, 04:39:21 PM
Transcript from this morning's staff meeting, slightly altered to make me look more civilized.

Dear Jackasses,

I am a maintenance & reliability geek.  I do not pretend to be an engineer, so I don't tell the engineer how to do whatever the fuck he does.  I do not pretend to be a production scheduler, so I do not tell her how to schedule.  I do not pretend to be a warehouse manager, so I do not tell him where to put shit.  I refrain from doing all of these things because I am not paid to do them, and I don't know how to do them.

This being said, I fully expect the rest of you bastards to stop trying to tell me how to fix shit.  It's pathetic.  It's like the upper middle class dumbfuck trying to tell his mechanic how to fix his car.  It's like THAT patient trying to explain medicine to his doctor.  You do not know what you're doing, it's more complicated than it looks, and if things weren't so damned tight, I'd do it your way just to shame you when the inevitable happens.

On that note, the next one of you bastards that tries to countermand my instructions to my crew will find that their day has become a non-stop shit blizzard of misunderstandings and me, basically, shitting on your desk1.  Seriously, you pasty-faced illiterates didn't think they'd come straight to me?

Lastly, if you feel you need to come watch the critical lift "just in case", then I guess we'll just stop all work until the extraneous people have left the lift site.  I don't give a fuck what you think about that.  Your anger amuses me today, because it lets me know that I am not alone in being the universe's Goddamn jackrag.  So, what, I get fired and never have to worry about this fucking place ever again?  Oh noes.

Now, you all go do whatever it is you do around here, and we'll all forget that you felt the need to open your big fat mouth.  Me, I'm going to go into my office and read Gearbox Porn.  But only the articles, because I'm better than people.

Love and Kisses,
The Bald Freak in Building C.



1  This part isn't actually accurate.  No warnings were issued before everything went Hatfields & McCoys.  Forever.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Q. G. Pennyworth

#1
April 28, 2014, 04:49:56 PM
Honest question: is there a number of times you have to save their collective lives when they'll start taking you seriously, or is this your very own personal hell on earth?

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
April 28, 2014, 04:51:24 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 28, 2014, 04:49:56 PM
Honest question: is there a number of times you have to save their collective lives when they'll start taking you seriously, or is this your very own personal hell on earth?

I dispute the "on Earth" part. 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
April 28, 2014, 04:53:06 PM
The fact is, the more often I am right (which isn't always, mind you) and the more often I get us out of trouble, the more frantic they are to get in my shit.  It's mostly because they don't like me and it bothers them that I can do this shit without a masters or some shit.  That's okay, though, because I hate them MORE, and now I have license to fuck with them until EVERYONE is miserable ALL DAY.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
April 28, 2014, 04:53:15 PM
EVERY DAY.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
April 28, 2014, 04:53:34 PM
UNTIL THE SUN BURNS OUT.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#6
April 28, 2014, 04:59:39 PM
"But if he can do it by himself, why are we even needed!?"

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
April 28, 2014, 05:04:57 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 28, 2014, 04:59:39 PM
"But if he can do it by himself, why are we even needed!?"

It's more like "if we can do HIS bit, we don't need HIM", which is awesome.  Go ahead and fire my ass...But if you do, there will be no talk of my returning, because I would rather give Rush Limbaugh his monthly sponge-bath than come into this motherfucker every day, and if I leave I am NEVER COMING BACK.  I may leave ANYWAY, because this place makes me wish that I could catch EBOLA ZAIRE just so I could come in this fucking conference room and HACK UP MY LUNGS ALL OVER YOU PEOPLE, and then we could all HEMMORAGE TO DEATH together as one of those "team-building exercises".  Are you ready for that?  Are you ready for the VERY LAST THING YOU SEE to be an oversized bald bastard horking out his pancreas onto your iPad?  I wish to do SCIENCE on you with MY BARE HANDS.

AND ALSO A PLASMA CUTTER.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

#8
April 28, 2014, 05:12:03 PM
Actually crying with laughter.

Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
April 28, 2014, 05:13:56 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 28, 2014, 05:12:03 PM
Actually crying with laughter.

You know where I've been.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

#10
April 28, 2014, 05:22:20 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 28, 2014, 05:13:56 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 28, 2014, 05:12:03 PM
Actually crying with laughter.

You know where I've been.

I've been metaphorically two doors over for a good chunk of the day.

Client wants things and has money. That's fine. Client wants to totally ignore mandatory and statutory notifications, laws, guidelines, best practice, etc, etc, etc. Client wants everything completed yesterday.

Client was told loudly, and at length, to let me do my fucking job or I will call X, Y and Z and wrap him up in legal woes for the rest of his surprisingly short life when he drops dead of a heart attack by Christmas due to all the stress he's inflicted on himself by not SHUTTING UP.

This is the contract. You signed it. Fuck off and let me do my job and I'll tell you when it's fucking done. I don't give a shit if this upsets your arbitrary unrealistic programme someone devised years ago. That thing is already irrelevant, outdated and created by someone with literally no information about the project.

Ah, Mondays.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
April 28, 2014, 05:25:24 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 28, 2014, 05:22:20 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 28, 2014, 05:13:56 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on April 28, 2014, 05:12:03 PM
Actually crying with laughter.

You know where I've been.

I've been metaphorically two doors over for a good chunk of the day.

Client wants things and has money. That's fine. Client wants to totally ignore mandatory and statutory notifications, laws, guidelines, best practice, etc, etc, etc. Client wants everything completed yesterday.

Client was told loudly, and at length, to let me do my fucking job or I will call X, Y and Z and wrap him up in legal woes for the rest of his surprisingly short life when he drops dead of a heart attack by Christmas due to all the stress he's inflicted on himself by not SHUTTING UP.

This is the contract. You signed it. Fuck off and let me do my job and I'll tell you when it's fucking done. I don't give a shit if this upsets your arbitrary unrealistic programme someone devised years ago. That thing is already irrelevant, outdated and created by someone with literally no information about the project.

Ah, Mondays.

The one good thing I have going for me here is that nobody aside from Filthy Assistant wants anyone to do things by breaking laws and regulations.  And Filthy Assistant is stupid and everyone knows it, so that's not an issue.

However, they DO occasionally ask me to "fix things" so that I am using more amps than I actually have, "just for a short while".
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

P3nT4gR4m

#12
April 28, 2014, 05:27:12 PM
It's funny how most of your experience is completely alien to me but enough little pieces are familiar enough that I totally get the mood of it. Like I've been the same place but it was the equivalent of the b&W version of reality to Wizard of Oz's colour bit  :lulz:

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
April 28, 2014, 05:29:50 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 28, 2014, 05:27:12 PM
It's funny how most of your experience is completely alien to me but enough little pieces are familiar enough that I totally get the mood of it. Like I've been the same place but it was the equivalent of the b&W version of reality to Wizard of Oz's colour bit  :lulz:

:lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Ben Shapiro

#14
April 28, 2014, 09:06:05 PM
This rant is now in my top 5!
Print
Go Up Pages1 2
User actions