The Sailors Tale

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

this is a one off thing i wasn't sure merited its own thread, but it came almost fully formed out of my head this morning when i woke up, probably the crystallization of some dream i cant remember, but here goes.

There once was a sailor who had been on ships his whole life. And as many sailors had, he fell in love with a mermaid. The older sailors warned him off, saying "it's not worth it lad, they got fish parts down there" Despite this, the sailor pursued the mermaid, winning her love and even making her a proper merbride.

He bought a plot of land off the seashore, and built a short dock off of it. Off of this dock he moored a small house boat. He and his wife modified the ship, giving his beloved equal access to the sea and the deck, . All the other sailors laughed at these efforts, saying the man had gone mad, "seen it a million times, lads. Man goes head over heels for a girl, and watches it fizzle in the sack. Tale as old as time." And surely, as long as there have been sailors, there have been tales of men and mermaids falling in love and meeting poor, even tragic fates. How could our sailor be any different?

And yet the sailor lived a long and peaceful life. He and his bride shared a happy home on their houseboat, and raised a fit and healthy brood of merchildren, many of whom grew to be some of the most capable seamen and seawomen on any ship you could name. The sailor's friends were humbled and curious as to how the two had built such a life, against all common wisdom. The sex question, in particular, nagged at their  thoughts, and the sailors wives would often question the mermaid on the subject, who simply smiled and sipped her tea, as if to say "wouldn't you like to know?"

Yet all men must die, and our sailor was no exception. As he lay on his deathbed, his eldest son, who was courting a girl of his own, asked the secret of his marriage's happiness. The old man beckoned him closer and told him the secret of he and his wife's sex life, which included, but was not limited to, erogenous zones, blowjobs, toys, roleplay, and no small amount of butt stuff. The son recoiled at such a frank description, and asked, "ugh, dear god Dad, why the hell would you tell me that?". "Because, my son," said the old man, "When I met your mother everyone said it was a waste of my time because she has fish parts down there and fish sex is non-insertive. But 'to hell with that', I told them. A good relationship is built on more than compatible bits, its about loving someone so much that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, whether that's building a house you can both call home, or occasionally jerking off into a sink full of caviar. So that's what I did because I love your mother more than I have words to say, and so it will be with you and your love." The son considered this, and replied, "Were you also bragging?" "Oh, blatantly" said the old man with a broad and toothy grin, "doesn't make the other bit any less true though." Shortly after this last fatherly advice, the man said his good byes to this world and everyone in it he held dear, leaving behind his wife and children and this simple truth.

Moral: When life gives you incompatible genetalia, make incompatible genetalia-ade

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

eh, in the future probably wouldn't be too bad an idea to put this thru a few drafts before putting this up, eh? After showing this to a few folks, apparently i'm the only one who finds the moral part funny.

[Reginald Ret]

Nah, I prefer reading unfinished drafts to not reading anything.
I like it, though the moral is not really funny, just confusing until you realize it is just sillyness.

[Vanadium Gryllz]

I enjoyed it.

I might have stopped after '...jerking off into a sink full of caviar.' because that feels like the punchline to the whole thing to me. But I don't know where you wanted it to go/what you thought the message should be.

I also agree that I like reading unfinished drafts. I for one never manage to actually finish anything so unfinished drafts are better than no final product!

[Dubya]

 

Leave the moral. Its a cherry on top of the icing on the cake.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I liked this, it was funny. And also true. 

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

Aw, thanks guys.