say goodbye to all your yesterdays

[Horab Fibslager]

in lieu of the article(s) i was talking abotu here, in the following, i'm posting a ocnversation between my self and our resident buddhist monk dude. there are soem subjects touched on here, he and i have been discussing lately, that i though at thetime, and upon rereading, are valubale uh things.

BMW says:
Yo horab, whatz Up?
grimwin says:
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BMW says:
Ah, playin games, are we?
BMW says:
And what does grimwin mean anyway?
grimwin says:
jsu ta name i made up
grimwin says:
iw as gonna write it into a story
grimwin says:
but never wrote the story yet
BMW says:
Cool,cool...you seem distracted.
grimwin says:
jsut got killed
grimwin says:
tried to take on too many monsters at once
BMW says:
heheh.
grimwin says:
on account some guy gave me a badass wepaon i can't use
BMW says:
Sounds like the Brown Sage to me.
grimwin says:
and i jsu tsold it for beetter armopur and sword
grimwin says:
lol
BMW says:
The further and further I go into Erisianism, not only do I become more and more confused, but I realize more and more that it is where I belong.
grimwin says:
lol
grimwin says:
well she is the goddess of confusion
grimwin says:
many ppl forget that
BMW says:
I am not bothered by the confusion.
BMW says:
Its just a side affect of getting in touch with reality.
grimwin says:
yeah
grimwin says:
reality is very confusing
grimwin says:
man yppl seem to think it's jsut baout discrod and chaos and whatnot
grimwin says:
but it's realyl mroe about confusion i think
grimwin says:
the mroe confused you become the more clarity you have
BMW says:
Meh, confusion is just the manifestation of Discord upon our psyche.
grimwin says:
yeah
BMW says:
All people live with it.
grimwin says:
it's definitely an aspec to fit
grimwin says:
and vice versa
BMW says:
But most people tend to ignore it.
grimwin says:
yeah i agree
grimwin says:
or refuse to accept it
BMW says:
I think this conversation could turn out to be a nice sermon...
grimwin says:
perhaps so
BMW says:
Hmm...
grimwin says:
iv';e been trying to write an article on thsi subject for months
BMW says:
Really? Well, then, I'll leave it to you, as your wording and spelling style will be much more eloquent than my version. ^_^
grimwin says:
well feel free dude
BMW says:
Nah, then I'd be a threadjacker.
grimwin says:
i've had soem godo insights on it lately tho
grimwin says:
the christian chick who said she thought life was simple
grimwin says:
adn verithane's latest threads
grimwin says:
and nothign wrong with thread jacking
BMW says:
Well, I don't have any of those insights, just an idea dealing with the relationship of confusion as the direct manifestation of Eris in the Psyche.
BMW says:
And thats it.
grimwin says:
possibly
grimwin says:
if you don't mind i may include this ocnversation in the article
BMW says:
Go right ahead.
BMW says:
I hope it turns out good. I know it'll be better than my writing.
grimwin says:
you shoudln't sell yorusel short
BMW says:
I do because its an excuse to not do something I dislike greatly.
grimwin says:
lol
BMW says:
I have never liked writing.
grimwin says:
well you do a good job of it for someone who does't liek to
BMW says:
Yeah, but you won't hear me admiting it.
grimwin says:
lol
grimwin says:
fair enough
BMW says:
Besides, I like reading what other people write far more.
grimwin says:
soemtimes i do sometimes i don't
BMW says:
I do. I read all the time. And have been since before I can remember.
BMW says:
I was reading 500 page adult novels by third grade.
grimwin says:
yeah me too
grimwin says:
but in 2nd
grimwin says:
i read jurassic park in 3rd
grimwin says:
lol
BMW says:
Same here!
BMW says:
Oh, I told you that...sorry.
BMW says:
I repeat...myself.
grimwin says:
i almso tfaield1st grade because my teacher didn't think i coudl read or write properly
grimwin says:
no worries i do all the time
grimwin says:
what's eatign you dude?
grimwin says:
you seem rathe rself depricatory lately
BMW says:
Oh, Its just my life right now. Im trying to find a place for myself.
BMW says:
And I don't mean a house.
grimwin says:
yeah i hear ya
grimwin says:
nto the easiest part o fth ejourney
grimwin says:
btu not the hardest either
BMW says:
And Im alwasy self depricatory, I just don't show it around aquaintances.
BMW says:
Only around people who really know me do I show brutal lack of self esteem.
grimwin says:
well you've jsu tbeen more so than usual
grimwin says:
lol
BMW says:
Ive been thinking.
grimwin says:
i'm sorta the opposite i guess
grimwin says:
btu i don't really care about my self esteem
grimwin says:
but go on dude
BMW says:
I don't know, Ive just been thinking. I know that Im missing physical relationships right now, and that is something I need. After my last girlfriend broke up with me (which is a story of self depriciation in itself) I lost an important pillar of my emotional self.
BMW says:
And Im still trying to figure out if I should go looking for something to fill it, or just wait on it for a year or two.
grimwin says:
yeah i hear that
grimwin says:
iv' ebeen thinkign on the same subject myself
grimwin says:
and what i'm going to do about it, and what i'm willign to do about it
grimwin says:
and so on
grimwin says:
and able as well
BMW says:
And then, when I consider going out and looking, then the weight falls from the ceiling and I am forced to remember all my past relationships where, not only was I the one dumped on the corner, but it was because I screwed up because Im a clingy, needy bastard.
BMW says:
Plus the fact that I tend to hurt the ones I love.
grimwin says:
well nobody moves and nobody gets hurt man
BMW says:
?
BMW says:
What does that mean?
grimwin says:
meditate on it
grimwin says:
i can't give you that answer
grimwin says:
btu when i went mad i had that saem concern
grimwin says:
and i meditated heavily on that catechism
grimwin says:
and i think it helped a great deal
BMW says:
Okay. I will meditate upon it.
BMW says:
And on another note, Ive been real tired recently, partly because I have become sleep deprived and energy deprived over these last few weeks of classes.
BMW says:
And the constant checking of the web forums, of course. I think it is becoming my life...the social part, anyway.
grimwin says:
yeah
grimwin says:
it's a big part of mine
grimwin says:
but sincei started th enew job i'v ebeen so brain dead from work i've just been skimming
BMW says:
I try not to, even tho' its my natural inclination.
grimwin says:
i'vebeen too taired to even play coutnerstriek much or half decent this past week
BMW says:
But sometimes you kinda have to, I mean, to search through all the fluff to get to the good stuff.
grimwin says:
i need to start smokign weed againa nd give my midn a rest
BMW says:
Too tired for counterstrike?
grimwin says:
yeah
BMW says:
Man...that suxor.
grimwin says:
i've been really sucking when i have played
grimwin says:
new mmorpg is a good sub tho
grimwin says:
don't ahve to have reflexes either
grimwin says:
jsut click on things
BMW says:
Or instead of smoking you could eat it...better for ya.
grimwin says:
lol
grimwin says:
i liek to smoke
BMW says:
Why?
grimwin says:
even cigs 90% of th etime
BMW says:
Why do you liek to smoke?
grimwin says:
ltos fo reasons
grimwin says:
none good
BMW says:
Well, at least you have reasons.
grimwin says:
i spsoe
grimwin says:
as far acigs go it's jsut very poor excuses
grimwin says:
fordope
grimwin says:
i used to have reasons
grimwin says:
i spose
grimwin says:
but now i admit it's 60% for pleasure
grimwin says:
30% for sleep
grimwin says:
/brain relaxation(once th eprimary buzz wears off)
grimwin says:
and 10% sagacious/mystic
BMW says:
lol
grimwin says:
used to be alot more for mystic/sagacious than 10%
grimwin says:
and added religion in there too
grimwin says:
but that's anoteh rarticle i want to write
BMW says:
So THATS where you get those awesome phycadelic poems from!
grimwin says:
lol
grimwin says:
i thin k when i wrote those i was largely sober
grimwin says:
abotu a year after i quit acid
grimwin says:
less than a year
grimwin says:
and had quit weed out of lack of money an djob and stuff
grimwin says:
was jsut banging around stuff
BMW says:
Oh...
grimwin says:
i uaully cant' really write when stoned
grimwin says:
at all
grimwin says:
i can draw
grimwin says:
write music
grimwin says:
btu not write
BMW says:
Well, you could always scan and post some of your drawing... or some of your music.
grimwin says:
wel the music i usually jsu tused to bang aroudn on my gear
grimwin says:
dont' have that so much available
grimwin says:
nto realyl into music as much as i once was
grimwin says:
drawing
grimwin says:
yeah
grimwin says:
i'll get aroudn to scannign mroe of it sometime
BMW says:
That would be cool.
grimwin says:
it tends tobe rather psycahdelic
grimwin says:
if not in quality then in concpet
grimwin says:
havent' done much of that lately
grimwin says:
been msotly concentratignon writing
BMW says:
*sigh*
BMW says:
Im in awe of a person who can just let his life flow with the Chao.
grimwin says:
and photography
grimwin says:
lol
grimwin says:
i have no choice really
grimwin says:
which is to say i made my choice and will live and abide by it
BMW says:
Well, still, I think about the fact that you earn your living at where ever you can get it, and then you create in your free time. I don't know, I once would have though such a life would be crappy. But I see you living it and obviously enjoying what you are.
grimwin says:
well i enjoy it to the extent that i can
BMW says:
Maybe its just how I was brought up.
grimwin says:
i don't think it;s for everyone but it';s good fo rme
grimwin says:
in some ways it realyl limits me
grimwin says:
adn whati can do in life
grimwin says:
it's hard to get a gf at my age with no car or driver';s lic.
grimwin says:
but i want niether a car or a driver lic.
grimwin says:
hard to have a family with none fo those things
grimwin says:
or even jsu twithout a car an ddriver license
grimwin says:
let aloen a goo dpaying job that provides for th t family
grimwin says:
i knew when i decided to becoem a monk o  our lady, it would be impoverished an d submitting to her will
grimwin says:
maybe i didn't know it as well as i ahve come to
grimwin says:
but that is essentially what monasticism is all about
BMW says:
You really are a Discordian monk.
grimwin says:
lol
grimwin says:
yeah
BMW says:
Thats cool.
grimwin says:
oen of the few things in life i'm very serious about
grimwin says:
ikn a way
BMW says:
So, how am I doing as a wannabe?
grimwin says:
alright in my books
grimwin says:
no one can set the terms of your monasticsm and your journey but you and Her
grimwin says:
so to say
BMW says:
Hmmm...that makes sense.
grimwin says:
and only you can be the judge of your measure
BMW says:
I think my study monasticism will be focused on the study of the connection of Chaos between the human and non-human relm of Terra.
BMW says:
Or something leik that.
grimwin says:
perhaps so
grimwin says:
you;ll fidn yoru way wether you realize it or nto
grimwin says:
with or withotuquantification
BMW says:
True.
BMW says:
Eris guides us in subtle ways.
grimwin says:
yes in mysteriosu ways
grimwin says:
jsut liek the u2 song
BMW says:
What, "She moves in mysterious ways"?
grimwin says:
yeah
grimwin says:
nto a hug efan of u2 either
BMW says:
Me either.
BMW says:
But I like that song.
grimwin says:
and bono is teh sux0r
grimwin says:
fuckin bono
grimwin says:
do you save logs on you msn?
BMW says:
Yes.
grimwin says:
can you email this one?
BMW says:
At least, the good ones.
BMW says:
Yes I can.
grimwin says:
i dunno if conversations in game will eb saved like normal
grimwin says:
cool
BMW says:
Okay, its almost one here, Im gonna go to sleep now.
grimwin says:
ok
grimwin says:
ngith dude
grimwin says:
and taker easy eh
BMW says:
Goodnight.
BMW says:
I will.

keep in mind, in regards to thebit about it being between you and Her, one must be honest with one's self, totally. if you refuse to be honest, you're essentially walking backwards whiel tellign yoruself you are walking forwards, until you beleive you are doing th eopposite of what it is in reality you are doing, and are unabel to distinguish from reality and your perceptions(whioch may or may not be the same thing).

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

Holy crap and Holy Chao

When you come to a point where you are at peace with yourself, that is when you attract the person that will...complete you...for lack of a better term.  When you are in turmoil, when you are in a space where you have not resolved your 'issues', you attract people that will help you resolve them.  In other words, when you are fucked up, you attract people that are either fucked up in the same way or in the opposite way.  You either learn from it, or you get into another relationship just like it.  Lots of people get married and have kids in these kinds of learning relationships.  My husband and I were really lucky, neither of us married or had kids, we met each other when we were older, 36 and 29, so we had resolved a lot of our 'issues', plus we had a lot of the same issues.  We all have to find our own way.  Some people make better parents in their 20's, some people make better parents in their 40's.  Some people get more patient as they get older, some people get less patient.  You two are also cursed with seeing things others don't, there seems to be a lot of that going on.  You're both on the right track, and sometimes I can even see where you guys are ahead of me in a lot of ways.  

and I thought I was a big dork because I was reading at a 9th grade level in the 6th grade  

PS I hate the whole 'issues' thing, but that was the best thing I could come up with.

[Chaplin_Sinatra_Fonzarell]

I didn't read any of this because I'm pretty sure it's just more ghey relating to Buddhist Monk Wannabe. But if it's actually about something important like your mum dying or a major philosophical revelation you had, let me know, so I can apologize and read it.

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

I didn't read any of this because I'm pretty sure it's just more ghey relating to Buddhist Monk Wannabe. But if it's actually about something important like your mum dying or a major philosophical revelation you had, let me know, so I can apologize and read it.

You're turning into kind of a dick, have you noticed that?  Or is your head so far up your own ass all you can see is brown  If you didn't want to be bothered with reading it, fine.  You didn't have to be an idiot about it

[Zurtok Khan]

Wow, that is rather interesting.  I don't think I can add too much to what El is saying, though.

Ohh, and I read Dune in the 3rd grade.  Scared the shit out of my teacher when she realized I was reading something on her level  

[LMNO]

I didn't read any of this because I'm pretty sure it's just more ghey relating to Buddhist Monk Wannabe. But if it's actually about something important like your mum dying or a major philosophical revelation you had, let me know, so I can apologize and read it.

I find this very funny, considering 60% of your LJ is posted IM chat.