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Rev Roger, Sermon #40: The DHS Rant

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, June 24, 2006, 01:17:25 AM

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The Good Reverend Roger

June 24, 2006, 01:17:25 AM
Brothers and Sisters, The Good Reverend used to worry about the Department of Homeland Security...but no more.  Sure it seems scary, but take a closer look:

Following the 911 attacks, the Bush administration decided to try and improve communications between law enforcement and emergency management agencies...and - get this - they decided to do so by creating more bureaucracy.  That's sort of like a business owner deciding that the solution to low production is to have more meetings.  

At first, DHS was supposed to be an unfunded cabinet level organization that existed simply as a liason...but, of course, Washington bloat kicked in, and now DHS receives more funding than any cabinet position with the exception of the defense department.  Needless to say, the money hasn't been spent in a fashion that promotes security or emergency management...as any resident of the Southeast seaboard can tell you.

The first sucker they found to head the DHS was former Wisconsin governor Tom Ridge, who immediately made himself a laughingstock with the whole "duct tape and plastic" suggestion.  Now, I feel bad for old Tom...the poor bastard really had no clue as to what he was getting into, and wound up flailing around with "color code" schemes that served only to help ratchet up the panic level on the part of 80% of the population (and hilarity among the rest of us).  Tom eventually quit, after Dick Cheney and John Ashcroft started babbling about "imminent terrorist threats" that he knew didn't exist (Ashcroft himself later quit, when he realized, to his horror, that his religion opposed torture.  Dick Cheney, having no morals whatsoever, is of course still around).

The next person dumb enough to step into this nightmare of disinformation theory was Micheal Chertoff, who has to wear MC Hammer pants to hide the steering wheel that's up his arse.  Chertoff was, tragically, born without a soul, and is thus the perfect man for the job.  He is the stereotypical bureaucrat, who lives in a world where studies and pronouncements are the end, not the means.

Needless to say, everything DHS has done since its inception has been a total failure...As anyone who's been to an airport or port facility can tell you.

Now, none of this is to say that DHS can't be dangerous, at least to the unwary.  TSA officers, for example, feel a strong need to justify their existence, and will change your life, if you get the slightest bit out of line at an airport.  They can't catch any terrorists, but they sure as hell can protect us from dangerous grannies and other disloyal citizens.  However, if you are unable to avoid trouble with a few  guys who couldn't get on a real police force, you have bigger problems than explaining why you have subversive literature and/or non-Christian religious material in your carry-on luggage.

Now, let's talk about the really funny part:  The above-mentioned disinformation theory. As any good Discordian knows, the larger and more powerful an organization is, the more it is crippled by disinformation.  Nobody wants to the bearer of bad news (it can diminish career options), so they tell their boss what he wants to hear.  This boss will in turn tell HIS boss what SHE wants to hear, and so on up the chain.  By the time it reaches the decision making level, the information has no relation whatsoever to the real world.  The decision makers then pass down instructions that are totally incomprehensible to the people in the field (who wonder how such stupid decisions get made, even as they feed more garbage to their bosses).  Since the instructions are meaningless, this leads to MORE disinformation, as - again - nobody wants to be the one to tell the boss he's an idiot.

This is all compounded by Wilson's Law:  Any secret police organization requires an infinite regress of agencies to keep tabs on them.  More bureaucracy, more disinformation, more hilarity.  It would be even funnier, if we didn't have to pay for it...but, then again, high quality humor rarely comes for free.

You almost feel like rooting for them, in the same sense you'd root for 10 mildly retarded guys trying to fix a Cray supercomputer...They have no  hope, but everybody loves an underdog.  Hell, I'd even feel bad for them, if not for Alberto "torture boy" Gonzalez being involved in the whole mess.  After all, while dumbasses are funny, Nazis aren't...but Little Alberto is the subject of another rant, entirely.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Michal

#1
June 24, 2006, 02:05:15 AM
I always enjoy your work, Uncle Tigger.
Reverend-Saint Michal, KSC
Psychotik Lobster Cabal
Guardian of the Eternal Loogie
Sporadic Asshat, Minor Annoyance

Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerFreedom is something you seize.  And you give the people you're seizing it from a fucking rupture.

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
June 24, 2006, 02:10:48 AM
Quote from: Lady GodivaI always enjoy your work, Uncle Tigger.

Thanks! :D
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

maphdet

#3
June 24, 2006, 02:19:32 AM
Good observations there TGRR, especially the whole bit on no one wants to tell thier bosses what they really think.

I also want to add. I feel as if the DHS was invented after nine eleven to ease the 'americans' security.  So to speak.

Thumbs up on the rant!
I wish I was in Tijuana
Eating barbequed iguana-

AFK

#4
June 24, 2006, 03:58:45 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Needless to say, everything DHS has done since its inception has been a total failure...As anyone who's been to an airport or port facility can tell you.

This is troof.  My cousin is an Air Marshall and he was telling me that when he goes on vacation he does not fly. He KNOWS security is that bad.  At least when he's on the job he's packing so he has a fighting chance.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Cain

#5
June 24, 2006, 11:27:01 AM
Very true and well said.  In the event of an actual attack or situation in which the DHS would have to be involved, the chances are they would make it worse.  5 years since its creation and its one of the most bloated and untested departments.

But since its primary function was to loot the treasury by moving money from taxes into companies who the Administration are owned by, its doing its function perfectly.

LMNO

#6
June 26, 2006, 03:27:01 PM
As someone who works in a company where beurocracy is mandatory, I can wholeheartedly say that this rant is 169% true.


Once you can see how it works, you can get away with, for example, spending most of th eday on the Internet.

B_M_W

#7
June 26, 2006, 05:47:56 PM
I knew hardly anything about the DHS before I read this.

Now I know everything I'll ever need to know.  8)
One by one, we break the sheep from their Iron Bar Prisons and expand their imaginations, make them think for themselves. In turn, they break more from their prisons. Eventually, critical mass is reached. Our key word: Resolve. Evangelize with compassion and determination. And realize that there will be few in the beginning. We are hand picking our successors. They are the future of Discordianism. Let us guide our future with intelligence.

     --Reverse Brainwashing: A Guide http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=9801.0

6.5 billion Buddhas walking around.

99.xxxxxxx% forgot they are Buddha.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
September 23, 2006, 08:41:50 AM
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on June 26, 2006, 05:47:56 PM
I knew hardly anything about the DHS before I read this.

Now I know everything I'll ever need to know.  8)

Oh, there's lots more.

But this is a rant, not a book.

TGRR,
Answered your post 3 months late, and you should be grateful for even getting THAT.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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