Rant 30: Suicidal Tendencies

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 30
Suicidal Tendencies

?¨Be ye not lost in reality!?Æ
-Epistle to the Purple Monkeys 23:17

?¨You can put a bullet in my head, but you can??t kill a word I??ve said.?Æ
-Mike Muir (LA poet and singer)

[a slightly more personal reflection]

Those parts of myself, or my selves, that refuse to join in the quest for ecstasy, pleasure, and freedom will be subverted or destroyed. No matter how many abysses I must cross through or how many kleshas I must smash. You can call me crazy, but you wouldn??t know what crazy means to me. So, shut up.

You will tell me that magic is not real?ñand that is precisely why the spell I cast on you will work. I am a witch after all?ñyour disbelief is only another tool in my collection. I have had the hammer drop on this lifetime and I am still here. Bending and twisting that which you try to keep safe and secure. And because of that, I find aesthetically pleasing that which shatters your mind. If there is a reason that people imagined as witches have been burned, maybe it??s people like me?ñor maybe we are the vengeance, the Nemesis, the Eris that will smash your pretty banquet of oppression.

You can kill me, but you will never be entirely sure that I have died. Who is to say that my occulture hasn??t gained me certain ways to leave disparate parts of my selves around you to haunt your every idea? In any event, you would have to catch me first, because I will sneak around raiding your thought-forms, subverting your ability to maintain control, then run at the first sign of heat.  

I don??t care anymore. What can you do? Imprison and torture me? For what? Occult crimes that are poorly defined? Celebrating absurdity? Worshipping the chaotic embodiments of life? Blaspheming your stupid gods of rationality? Playing cut-up with your bibles? Inventing my own sacred language? Becoming aware? Laughing at your serious attempt at defining order and meaning for everyone? The joke is on you. Wipe the bullshit from your mouth and join in life celebration! Or else.

I was already imprisoned and tortured by the monsters inculcated from childhood. Been there. Done that. And it almost worked. But I am still here. It was my own hands that became the means to use my chosen tool for exiting this lifespan, and yet I survived. The war with the inner bastards that tried to bring me down was won. In the strange and wisely avoided alchemy of self-annihilation I found a release unlike the one I was planning for. I had chosen voluntary death and possibly that is what was needed to kill what needed to die. And since then, I have proceeded to mop up the leftovers of despair, eat them, and shit them out as fertilizer for my personal garden of mental aesthetics.

That was my initiation into the secret knowledge of stealing fire from the heavens. In the nausea that followed my failed chemical exit I found the power of life. And now all systems of hidden knowledge, no matter how well guarded, are targets for attack and subversion. Have I lost my mind? I don??t care. In losing your mind you will find it. And now I can never be driven to despair again simply because I know there is no escape?ñbut that is the same for you?ñand suicidal tendencies have become my friends who help me sail clear of the precepts of order, making sure I never get lost in reality again. Making sure I never make any premeditated mistakes like that again. My shadow self has become the best conscious?ñspeaking to me in dream language that only we share. And ecstasy, pleasure, freedom, and uprising is my self-given right. As it is yours.

Be silent, if you must. Speak out, if you must. Become free, if you will. Enchant for power, if you wish. Whatever you do, make sure it is what you will to do. You are only this impression called a ?´person?? for so long and no guarantees will help. Look to Chaos and see the infinite possibilities of creation. Maybe that will help. If your mind can actually remember what it was like to perceive directly. Allow no one or nothing to subvert your desire for their own gain, unless you really will it. Allow no law to become embedded in your head, unless it is really entertaining. Allow no one??s version of reality to become more ?´realistic?? or ?´true?? than your own version(s).

Anyone can tell me that what I am doing will not work or that I am unrealistic, but they should at least have enough sense to get the fuck out of my way while I am doing it.

(Chaos 16th, 3170)

[Horab Fibslager]

and the bnlue rider said unto the great pug of stradock.:


there is no magic


and pug knew that the bkuerider knew

[Guido Finucci]

Wangst. Or is that angsturbation?

[Malaul]

Wangst. Or is that angsturbation?

 

[riff]

I have two new favorite words.  Absolutely marvelous.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Wangst. Or is that angsturbation?

Re-read the above document, but upside down, please. Then you will be alerted to the dmaned things growing under your bed and how to kill them with a butter knife and some whiskey.

[Guido Finucci]

Tried your advice but the document wasn't any better upside-down. I have named the things growing under my bed and drank the whiskey. I will replace it with some whisky as soon as possible.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Tried your advice but the document wasn't any better upside-down. I have named the things growing under my bed and drank the whiskey. I will replace it with some whisky as soon as possible.

As long as you drank the whisky, you should be fine. Proceed to step 2 right away. You will find the instructions in the medicine cabinet.

[Guido Finucci]

You will find the instructions in the medicine cabinet.

Wash, rinse and repeat? Take two capsules as needed to supress recurring reality? Insert tab A into slot A? Open other end?

I can't find step 2! Help!

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

You will find the instructions in the medicine cabinet.

Wash, rinse and repeat? Take two capsules as needed to supress recurring reality? Insert tab A into slot A? Open other end?

I can't find step 2! Help!

In that case, scratch you left ear three times and say 'pfft'. If you have no left ear, you may have a problem.

[Guido Finucci]

Nope. Still nothing.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Nope. Still nothing.

Hmm. You must chew on the tequila worm, perhaps. Or maybe we should swat that Doubtless Incident fucker.

[Guido Finucci]

I'll try the worm after dinner and see what happens. I may need to drink some of the tequila out of the bottle to get at the worm. Is that okay?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I'll try the worm after dinner and see what happens. I may need to drink some of the tequila out of the bottle to get at the worm. Is that okay?

Yes. But you have to drink all of the tequila first.