For you, it was the most important day of your life, for me, it was Tuesday.

[Nomad]

If you're gonna be a dick (Roger) then stop reading now!




why is it always so difficult... a constant question that I've never found an answer to.  You know I'm emotionally distressed if I'm talking to no one.  It means that with everyone I could talk to, there is some reason why I can't tell them everything, and I don't rant when I have to watch my tongue.  I guess that's a good sign that I'm not at the point where I truly don't care about anything.  Funny that a simple parking ticket can put me over the edge.  But I'm just dribbling over, I haven't blown yet.  This is my steam and it is thick and hot.  I'm feeling better already.  Probably because I'm not thinking so much.  This morning when I started to crack I literally just turned up the music until I couldn't hear my own thoughts.  Not healthy I'm sure.  I need the lottery or something.  The police academy more like.  It's not fair for them to put me through so much fear and doubt.  Then Biljana is doing the same thing, holding something amazing in front of me, but not telling me whether or not I'm ever actually gonna reach it.  A person could spend their whole life searching for the perfect blossom, and it would not be a wasted life.  Of course, in the end they are all perfect.  Maybe that's the waste, because they never let themselves see that, it's only their internal blocks keeping them from reaching the goal.  And the goal isn't really external, ever, it's within one's self.  That is why I fight so hard every day to maintain control.  It doesn't work, but I try... I realize that happiness is something I will find inside.  Some days I find it... and somedays not.  That's balance though, you can't be happy all the time.  I'm so afraid of being unhappy again that I'm not allowing the balance.  I have angry and I have elated.  Always I work hard.  Usually when I get to this point it is much easier to retreat into discordia.  Not retreat as much as embrace, and really remember what makes it gold for me.  Why is love always about the BBD?  Bigger Better Deal  You know, the only reason to leave someone is because you think you can do better.  Unless it's your goal to be alone.  Yes I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, I'm not much into health food, and I have half a brain (give or take).  That song always reminds me that no matter how well I know the apple, I still don't have the courage to scrape off the gold and find out if it's rotten inside, or solid gold.  Maybe it's just a hollow shell, or maybe Stella's really in there.  Do we ever really look to Eris for salvation?  I don't... and when I find myself looking to God for it, I get confused (hail Eris).  What the fuck am I really looking for?  I think it's about balance, but how do I know whether or not I need more discord in my life.  I'm tempted to say that YES FOR FUCKS SAKE I'VE HAD ENOUGH WOMAN! but that's what any schlub would say... and I'm more of a schlub than most.  So perhaps not, maybe there's more in store than Tia Poxa Kor for this pathetic whore.  FUCK THE APPLE and I'm sure you know how I really mean that...

Now I'm smiling!

--- How much must a man debase himself before it's appreciated?

[Adjective Noun]

Uhg. Yeah, disclaimer at the top is appropriate. But if by all the apple comments you mean - 'is there anything real to the PD etc?' I can only give you my own opinion - not really. Just like a road isnt usually a destination, the PD isnt something you want to live your life by.

Use it to open your mind a little more, perhaps. But imo make sure you take the next step, and take a good hard look at the world and try to see where you can enjoy yourself. Then go do it. It sure is easier if you've mastered what I consider to be the main message of the PD - dont take things at face value

EDIT: And if this comment wasnt what you wanted, then try to write so people can understand what you mean without having to dig up all the Illuminatus! symbology again. I probably got it wrong, but if I didnt I stand by my message. Once you've 'enlightened' yourself its generally a good idea to get used to living with the monkeys again

[Payne]

OK.

I read it, but was bit hard going, due to no line breaks or anything.

I actually liked elements of it though. It wasn't as bad as I had feared when I saw that big block of text staring at me.

A couple lines from a thread that I'm looking at just now for inspiration in my writings (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=9695.0)

To me, discordianism has always been a sort of springboard platform, a joke religion that at its heart is just a kernal of weirdness to get people to pop open their Cerebrum to new ideas, to make them think. This is the WHOLE and ONLY REAL POINT of Discordianism. All the rest is just filler.

Discordianism is the road, not the destination.

Discordianism is simply fertilizer for the imagination

deprogramming from the bullshit that passes as the current paradigm.

They may be useful, or they may not.

[PopeTom]

To quote Payne's quote:

Discordianism is simply fertilizer for the imagination

So it's true then, we are all shit heads?

[Payne]

Yes. The Discordians amongst you are, anyway.

[The Littlest Ubermensch]

Lack of line breaks; didn't read.

[Triple Zero]

i really can't read this without the linebreaks.

[LMNO]

If you're gonna be a dick (Roger) then stop reading now!




why is it always so difficult... a constant question that I've never found an answer to.  You know I'm emotionally distressed if I'm talking to no one.  It means that with everyone I could talk to, there is some reason why I can't tell them everything, and I don't rant when I have to watch my tongue. 

I guess that's a good sign that I'm not at the point where I truly don't care about anything.  Funny that a simple parking ticket can put me over the edge.  But I'm just dribbling over, I haven't blown yet.  This is my steam and it is thick and hot.  I'm feeling better already.  Probably because I'm not thinking so much.  This morning when I started to crack I literally just turned up the music until I couldn't hear my own thoughts. 

Not healthy I'm sure.  I need the lottery or something.  The police academy more like.  It's not fair for them to put me through so much fear and doubt.  Then Biljana is doing the same thing, holding something amazing in front of me, but not telling me whether or not I'm ever actually gonna reach it. 

A person could spend their whole life searching for the perfect blossom, and it would not be a wasted life.  Of course, in the end they are all perfect.  Maybe that's the waste, because they never let themselves see that, it's only their internal blocks keeping them from reaching the goal.  And the goal isn't really external, ever, it's within one's self. 

That is why I fight so hard every day to maintain control.  It doesn't work, but I try... I realize that happiness is something I will find inside.  Some days I find it... and somedays not.  That's balance though, you can't be happy all the time.  I'm so afraid of being unhappy again that I'm not allowing the balance.  I have angry and I have elated.  Always I work hard. 

Usually when I get to this point it is much easier to retreat into discordia.  Not retreat as much as embrace, and really remember what makes it gold for me.  Why is love always about the BBD?  Bigger Better Deal  You know, the only reason to leave someone is because you think you can do better.  Unless it's your goal to be alone.  Yes I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, I'm not much into health food, and I have half a brain (give or take). 

That song always reminds me that no matter how well I know the apple, I still don't have the courage to scrape off the gold and find out if it's rotten inside, or solid gold.  Maybe it's just a hollow shell, or maybe Stella's really in there.  Do we ever really look to Eris for salvation? 

I don't... and when I find myself looking to God for it, I get confused (hail Eris).  What the fuck am I really looking for?  I think it's about balance, but how do I know whether or not I need more discord in my life.  I'm tempted to say that YES FOR FUCKS SAKE I'VE HAD ENOUGH WOMAN! but that's what any schlub would say... and I'm more of a schlub than most.  So perhaps not, maybe there's more in store than Tia Poxa Kor for this pathetic whore. 

FUCK THE APPLE and I'm sure you know how I really mean that...

Now I'm smiling!

--- How much must a man debase himself before it's appreciated?

Arbitrary line breaks applied.

I'm still looking for the point.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

i really can't read this without the linebreaks.

I'm on this bandwagon.

[AFK]

what I got from it was that the author is still trying to figure out how to navigate his life.  And that somedays, out of frustration, he retreats into Discordia where he doesn't have to worry or think about it.  It's like the safety blanket to insulate him from the unknown or something.  Or maybe I'm off, that's what I got anyway. 

[Triple Zero]

even arbitrary linebreaks make it easier to read, thanks (yeah i could have done that myself as well, but i was a bit pissed off for having to read something written by someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about their audience).

also, i couldn't find the point either.

sounds like nomad is depressed, or just broken up with somebody, or generally, probably feeling real shitty.

it really reminds me of some old textfiles, diary/rant like stuff i have written years ago in also-dark days, i recently found them back in a dusty corner of my old HD. but it's personal stuff, nobody else would care about it anyway, let alone would understand what they were about (just like the OP here).
i wouldn't post them on a public forum anyway, and i'm glad i never did.

one piece of advice: some of the old notes i found back were actually quite interesting, and some of them were just inane ramblings, trains of thought i wouldn't even consider nowadays, or simply things i have been able to solve by now. the interesting notes were:
- those written in the style of "letter to a future me". really cool to read. even if i was a littlebit of a whiny emo-fuck back then [though i don't think the word 'emo' existed yet]
- those written in actual diary style, describing events and the thoughts i had about those events. especially the stuff i had long-since almost forgotten.

i think this is about the best i can do qua constructive criticism for your rant.

that, and adding line-breaks

[Nomad]

Yeah, sorry about the line breaks thing... it's not because I don't care about you guys, really, you're my only family!  *tear

Just Kidding

Yeah, it's a bit emo angry and such, but um, you nobody made you read it.

I appreciate the feedback from those who took a moment to examine it.  It really was a bad morning and culmination of a bad few months, mainly having to do with women, but when don't our most "important" problems have to do with the appropriate gender?

All in all, it made me feel A LOT better, and I'm an extravert.  Part of my healing process is getting on the loudspeaker and telling the whole world that I'm mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore!  Generally in this case I meant my own shit.  I am the only reason I'm unhappy, and I can fall back into Discordia anytime I am hurt but realize that inscrutable fact.

Something about Cynicism always makes me feel better, and Discord provides you with that.  Right now I'm just leaning forward in my chair, waiting for the piano to drop out of the sky, or some personal armageddon... but I'm actually waiting with anticipation and excitement!  HAIL ERIS

Nomad Ttam

[Payne]

Something about Cynicism always makes me feel better, and Discord provides you with that.  Right now I'm just leaning forward in my chair, waiting for the piano to drop out of the sky, or some personal armageddon... but I'm actually waiting with anticipation and excitement!  HAIL ERIS

You'll shit yourself when the personal armageddon hits you.

At first it SOUNDS like laughter.

[LMNO]

Yeah, sorry about the line breaks thing... it's not because I don't care about you guys, really, you're my only family!  *tear

Just Kidding

Yeah, it's a bit emo angry and such, but um, you nobody made you read it.

You'll find that, unlike some places that will give you a pat on the back when you post your innermost feelings, around here we'll actually give you honest critiques.

You don't like it, no one made you post.

I appreciate the feedback from those who took a moment to examine it.  It really was a bad morning and culmination of a bad few months, mainly having to do with women, but when don't our most "important" problems have to do with the appropriate gender?

Quite a lot, actually.

All in all, it made me feel A LOT better, and I'm an extravert.  Part of my healing process is getting on the loudspeaker and telling the whole world that I'm mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore!  Generally in this case I meant my own shit.  I am the only reason I'm unhappy, and I can fall back into Discordia anytime I am hurt but realize that inscrutable fact.

Something about Cynicism always makes me feel better, and Discord provides you with that. 

It does?

Heh.  Sucks to be you.



LMNO
-Optimistic Discordian.

[Mangrove]

Side point not relevant to discussion.

I thought BBD = Bel Biv Devoe.



Mang' - needs to stop watching Lail inducing late 80s/early 90s vids on VH1 Soul and do something useful.