ATTN: FRED

[Lies]

Fred I can safely say you have never been born of the Spirit of God. Just because you practiced religion for a while and decided God was unfair and quit doesn't mean He doesn't unconditionallyl love you and wishes you would give your life to Christ now. But until then you are person in the flesh, and not of the Spirit. An enemy of God and a soul that has no purpose in this world. Empty, dead, poor, blind and naked! That's you! Now go to Jesus!

[Jenne]

Huh?

[Payne]

 

[Cain]

Lys is right.  Fred should learn to love Jesus like she loves Enrico.

Well, maybe not exactly like how she loves Enrico....

[Cainad (dec.)]

Wrong kind of lovin'.

[Payne]

As far as Jeebus (or Lys for that matter) is concerned, there is NO wrong kind.

[Iason Ouabache]

LOL.  I think that I'm still fluent in Christianese. Let me give it a try.

Brother Lys is right, Suu.  You need to turn from your evil ways, get down on your knees and accept JEEESSUS!  Those evil spirits have got a hold of you right now.  You must give up this Satanic religion of your or perish forever in the Lake of Fire.  I need you to say this little prayer with me:  Jebus, I'm sorry for my wicked wicked ways. Come into My Heart and rid me of this evil Erisianism.  I accept Your atonement and praise You! In Jebus name!  AMEN!!

Have a blessed day!

[Payne]

Hmmm, what is it with people substituting names today?

JO, repeat after me: FRED..... FRED.....

[Jenne]

Oh well shit, I could do that.

Fred, you gotta stop talkin' the talk and WALK THE WALK.  We all know he's the vine and we're his branches.  We will sup with him at his banqueting table in heaven, and though it's not by works alone we will see the pearly gates, having Jesus's love pour forth from your heart onto your fellow man can't hurt, now could it?

Accept Him.  Love Him, as He loves you.  For it was His Love that brought it here on Earth, and His Son who died so that you might live.

Praise Him.  Praise you Jesus.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

FRED AND JESUS SITTIN INA TREE!!!!

[LMNO]

SPREAD YOURSELF WIDE OPEN, AND RECEIVE THE MASSIVE LOVE-LOAD OF JESUS.












(you might want to use astroglide)

[Lies]

INDEED, LET JESUS COME UNTO YOU AND THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL FILL YOU UP WITH SOUL JUICE.

[Iason Ouabache]

Hmmm, what is it with people substituting names today?

JO, repeat after me: FRED..... FRED.....

The Spirit was speaking through me!  I have been touched by His presence!!!

[Payne]

One of Syns posts, X-posted from POEE

Shock revelations rocked the foundations of Christianity yesterday, as it was revealed that their Lord and Saviour, their head honcho, Mr. J. Christ (2005), of Palm Springs, CA. admitted to stalking Irish rock star and legendary arse, Bono. The news didn't end there, however, it was revealed that Jesus H. Christ claimed a 'relationship' with Bono and that He fisted Bono in public, regularly. He even cited his favourite type of lubricating gel, "the anaesthetic kind, you know, for when they put in catheters. It just eases the way." The Christian world reeled in confusion and panic following the announcement.

Mr. Christ's predilection for sneaking up on the star unawares, while Bono was performing on stage, in interviews or generally making a horses arse of himself and ramming His tightly clenched fist up Bono's vulnerable and unprotected anus has alienated Christian believers globally. Bono admitted that their "relationship" had been going on for some time and that he didn't see it as blasphemous, or wrong in the slightest. When questioned whether receiving from the Son of God was appropriate behaviour for two people very much in the public eye, he replied, "we're both consenting adults. Are you judging the Son of God?"

The first incident took place while Bono was performing with U2 on Saturday 18th June at the Twickenham Stadium in London. A witness stated, "He [Christ] just ran on stage in nothing but his sandals and rammed His divine fist up Bono's arse as he sang, I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." Bono praised his security staff after the incident, saying that his security team was exceptional and "how were mere mortals supposed to stop the son of God getting through, anyway?" A security insider informed us that they'd actually been told to stand down by Bono prior to the first 'attack' and that Bono had been expecting divine intervention at the concert that night. "He [Bono] had this funny little smile on his face afterwards" said one security guard. "He always has that" said another. The security staff were also warned not to interfere with Mr. Christ's mission by His Father, God. God declined to comment beyond stating (before slamming the door in this reporter's face) that he'd "warned Bono to cut out that pseudo religious crap he's been spouting for years." Through the window, I asked him if he would comment on whether his Son's apparent and continuing gay-sado-fisting relationship with Bono had gone beyond the precepts of His original 'mission'. He responded by threatening to throw a couple of nearby planets at me if I didn't get off his lawn.

The Catholic church refused to comment. They all just stood there with their hands over their ears and their eyes closed singing "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA WE CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA..."

Bono's closing statement was "I have finally found what I was looking for."

The Edge looked on, sternly.

[hooplala]

Lys is just pumped up from the hilarious Xtian group on Facebook we joined.