The Discordian Ten Commandants with Commentary

[BADGE OF HONOR]

Let me correct myself: Assholes are idiots. Jackasses are assholes with brains.

Just like Cybin said, only different wording, I suppose.

...so by a process of logic, we who post on this board are all idiots?

[Cainad (dec.)]

LOLgic

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven neighbor.

This obviously means don't keep garden gnomes.

This is fun! Let's do them all.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

1. Thou shalt have no other house before me.

Live in an apartment.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven neighbor.

Garden gnomes. I like that one.

3. Thou shalt not kill the Lord thy God.

If you see Eris on the road, run.

4. Remember to steal the days.

Call in sick a lot.

5. Honor thy father in vain that thy Sabbath day may be long.

Get drunk with your dad on Sundays.

6. Thou shalt not take the name of thy mother.

Stick with the patrilineal naming system.

7. Thou shalt not commit witness.

Don't look at shit.

8. Thou shalt not keep it holy.

Priesthood; it's not for YUO.

9. Thou shalt not bear false adultery against thy images.

Don't pretend to masturbate to pictures of yourself.

10.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's gods.

Get your own damn gods.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

[All right, I stole the actual commandants from one of those Discordian Book...I think it was the Book of Eris. In any case, I fancy myself as Discordian Theologian, so I felt it in my right to comment on them. If anyone feels like I'm wrong in any way, shape, or form...well, that's fine. I really don't care.]

Reverend Never's Sermon: This Week: The Ten Commandments of Discordia (Discordian Commandment by Ginohn, sermon by the wasted acid head homeless man in my basement. I call him Jerry Bob.)

1. Thou shalt have no other house before me.

Yes, children of Eris, this is very simple to understand. Most people these days are devoted to the house, be it called Church, Mosque, Synagogue, whatever. But, there is more devotion to the house then to the god, thinking that the church is the salvation when it is, in most cases, the god. Plus, god doesn't need your money. Worship *insert god's or mortal you who look up to name here*, not *insert religious temple name here* and you'll have a better life. Maybe.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven neighbor.

Graven, here, means "fixed upon the mind." Basically, then, this means don't concern yourself with the neighbors and/or other people's thought about you. And besides, those that spy on the neighbors are either rich stuck-up bastards or trailer park trash, and you're not like them, right?

3. Thou shalt not kill the Lord thy God.

God, in this idea, is the highest form of self. It's the voice in your head that tells you what to do. Of course, you may call it instinct or intuition. Whatever it is, people ignore it. Over time, this, well, kills it. Listen to it, it has had 5,000 years or so to perfect itself, I'm sure it's right now.

4. Remember to steal the days.

A mantra of the Hedonist, this says live your life to the fullest. Seeing as this has been repeated billions of times by wise men throughout the ages, I didn't see any reason to waste your time explaining it.

5. Honor thy father in vain that thy Sabbath day may be long.

Whatever day you decide to be your day, let nothing stop you from enjoying it. It's your day, after all, do whatever you please. Just don't be too heartless. Remember, you still have six other days that you have to deal with people and some of them might get mad at you for not honoring them on your holy day.

6. Thou shalt not take the name of thy mother.

You are your own person. Simple, really, no need to go too deep into this. Hell, change your name. That'll show them you are your own person! Try Max Powers or something.

7. Thou shalt not commit witness.

This is the most important, so keep it well to your heart: Do your best to avoid jury duty and stay out of court. Why is this so important? Because it interferes with all the other commandments, of course. And, besides, who can have fun on in jury duty.

8. Thou shalt not keep it holy.

"Only the good die young," said a wise man. You're not going to have any fun if you keep holy. Unless you're Discordian. Holy things are fun in Discordia.

9. Thou shalt not bear false adultery against thy images.

Damn, I don't know...Eris is a little unclear or I just don't really care...uh, don't be vain. You know, stop looking at yourself naked in front of a mirror say you look disgusting or...something.

10.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's gods.

Don't let anyone tell you what god to believe it, if you choose to believe at all. Simple, eh?

All in all, a happy ending, hmm? And remember, always, to always remember. Or something. Yeah.

These commandments suck.  There's nothing about me being able to fuck my neighbor's donkey.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Let me correct myself: Assholes are idiots. Jackasses are assholes with brains.

Just like Cybin said, only different wording, I suppose.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a poster at Liquid Lurker?

[Payne]

1. Thou shalt have no other house before me.

It's Hugh Laurie or no one, SPAG!

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven neighbor.

Consorting with the undead is WRONG, unless you plan to have sex with them, cause necrophilia is HAWT and SHOCKING and stuffs. SPAG!

3. Thou shalt not kill the Lord thy God.

Ever tried to kill a ghosty in the sky?! THOUGHT NOT, YUO SPAG!

4. Remember to steal the days.

Steal me a beer while you're at. SPAG!

5. Honor thy father in vain that thy Sabbath day may be long.

Honour thy mother, and you'll end up liking Korn or some shit. Sheer Spaggotry.

6. Thou shalt not take the name of thy mother.

See above. She listens to KORN and she LIKES it. YO MOMMAS A SPAG

7. Thou shalt not commit witness.

You looking at me? YOU LOOKING AT ME? I'MMA FUCK YUO UP SPAG!

8. Thou shalt not keep it holy.

Thou shalt MAKE it holy. With a motherfucking MACHINE GUN. (I recomend the AKK-47, personally)........ SPAG!

9. Thou shalt not bear false adultery against thy images.

Cause we troll assholes that do that. Those spags are srsly fucked up.

10.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's gods.

See that one about ghosties in the sky? YEAH, SAME THING, SPAG.

FIXT, for the Payne edition.

[A.N. Other]

Let me correct myself: Assholes are idiots. Jackasses are assholes with brains.

Just like Cybin said, only different wording, I suppose.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a poster at Liquid Lurker?

Err...umm...what's Liquid Lurker? No, sorry...or am I not sorry? I can't tell.

Anyway, thanks to both Nigel and Payne, for they blew mine out of the water, and in fewer words.

Going back to our good friend GRR (if he doesn't mind me abbreviating his good name), yeah, the Commandments suck. I know that now. Actually, I've learned a lot of shit after posting this up. Maybe I should put up more mistakes and see what I can learn.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Let me correct myself: Assholes are idiots. Jackasses are assholes with brains.

Just like Cybin said, only different wording, I suppose.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a poster at Liquid Lurker?

Err...umm...what's Liquid Lurker? No, sorry...or am I not sorry? I can't tell.

Anyway, thanks to both Nigel and Payne, for they blew mine out of the water, and in fewer words.

Going back to our good friend GRR (if he doesn't mind me abbreviating his good name), yeah, the Commandments suck. I know that now. Actually, I've learned a lot of shit after posting this up. Maybe I should put up more mistakes and see what I can learn.

I agree.

And I will poop on them.

[A.N. Other]

Let me correct myself: Assholes are idiots. Jackasses are assholes with brains.

Just like Cybin said, only different wording, I suppose.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a poster at Liquid Lurker?

Err...umm...what's Liquid Lurker? No, sorry...or am I not sorry? I can't tell.

Anyway, thanks to both Nigel and Payne, for they blew mine out of the water, and in fewer words.

Going back to our good friend GRR (if he doesn't mind me abbreviating his good name), yeah, the Commandments suck. I know that now. Actually, I've learned a lot of shit after posting this up. Maybe I should put up more mistakes and see what I can learn.

I agree.

And I will poop on them.

Agreeing to what, man? Because your statement works for two out of three things.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Let me correct myself: Assholes are idiots. Jackasses are assholes with brains.

Just like Cybin said, only different wording, I suppose.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a poster at Liquid Lurker?

Err...umm...what's Liquid Lurker? No, sorry...or am I not sorry? I can't tell.

Anyway, thanks to both Nigel and Payne, for they blew mine out of the water, and in fewer words.

Going back to our good friend GRR (if he doesn't mind me abbreviating his good name), yeah, the Commandments suck. I know that now. Actually, I've learned a lot of shit after posting this up. Maybe I should put up more mistakes and see what I can learn.

I agree.

And I will poop on them.

Agreeing to what, man? Because your statement works for two out of three things.

Yeah.

[A.N. Other]

Let me correct myself: Assholes are idiots. Jackasses are assholes with brains.

Just like Cybin said, only different wording, I suppose.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a poster at Liquid Lurker?

Err...umm...what's Liquid Lurker? No, sorry...or am I not sorry? I can't tell.

Anyway, thanks to both Nigel and Payne, for they blew mine out of the water, and in fewer words.

Going back to our good friend GRR (if he doesn't mind me abbreviating his good name), yeah, the Commandments suck. I know that now. Actually, I've learned a lot of shit after posting this up. Maybe I should put up more mistakes and see what I can learn.

I agree.

And I will poop on them.

Agreeing to what, man? Because your statement works for two out of three things.

Yeah.

Oh, right. Sorry it wasn't so clear before.

[East Coast Hustle]

OP: 8.0

lost a point for wordiness and a point for wordiness.

potential is evident.

Payne: 9.0

lost a point for trying to bribe the East German judge with foil-wrapped chocolates passed off as "krugerrand".

otherwise excellent.


spag.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

OP: 8.0

lost a point for wordiness and a point for wordiness.

potential is evident.

Payne: 9.0

lost a point for trying to bribe the East German judge with foil-wrapped chocolates passed off as "krugerrand".

otherwise excellent.


spag.

Hey