MSY34: Roger gets religion.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I have a new cappuccino machine, which Maria bought me when I changed religions and gave up cactus.  In retrospect, this may not have been the most responsible decision she's ever made.  It turns out that I can put away 3-5 quadruple cappuccinos an hour without so much as leaving my chair out on the balcony.

Needless to say, this has led to more aberrant behavior than all the cactus I ever took.  After all, now I'm wired to the gills and I still have full use of my brain.  A disturbing side effect that you'd really rather not hear about - but will anyway - is this:  Despite the fact that caffeine thins out blood vessels, apparently it is in large doses more powerful than a wheelbarrow full of viagra.  Maria has in fact locked me out on the balcony until "such time as my fit of priapism ends and I let her get some sleep".  Ho ho!  It turns out that EVERYONE has their limits.

Except me, so long as I have coffee beans, cream, and water.

Provided I have these three things, I am invincible.  The hooting and screeching of the primates around me does not bother me, and - provided I don't look directly at it - the Dumb cannot hurt my brain.  I am above it all, here upon my fortress of arrogance.

It occurs to me that if world leaders drank this shit as much as I do, that most of our problems would be solved (on way or another).  Wars would be simpler.  After 20 cappuccinos, Bush would have been in Iraq himself, swinging a chainsaw, surrounded by the mutilated carcasses of his foes.  Well, okay, maybe not Bush.  But Nixon sure as hell would.  Hell, Nixon would rip them apart with his teeth.  And then he'd scoop out their hearts and shit in their torsos, all for the approval of the emperor and the roar of the crowd.

As you may have figured out by now, I may have found a new religion.

HAR HAR!  Are you ready for that?  Are you ready for a 265 pound maniacal jackass attempting to explain his religion to you, while spitting coffee, vomit, and stomach lining all over you?  Oh, yes, this upcoming decade looks to be even more fun than the last one...provided my heart doesn't explode out of my rectum like a caffeine-powered bazooka round.  And THAT might even be acceptable, depending on whom my arse is aimed at.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to explain this wisdom to the masses.  They have all come out onto their balconies to listen.  Or perhaps they have come out to see who is bellowing "Only in America" by Brookes and Dunn at the top of his voice as he types these words to you.

Or kill me.

[Idem]

Maria has in fact locked me out on the balcony until "such time as my fit of priapism ends and I let her get some sleep".  Ho ho!  It turns out that EVERYONE has their limits.

[BADGE OF HONOR]

Dayum.

[Cainad (dec.)]

 

[AFK]

I'm sold.  Where do I get baptised? 

[Richter]

FANTASTIC! 

Few people can handle that much caffine, yet alone remain coherent!

Make sure to keep up with the cream.  Drinking the espresso straight is effective, but will make the stomach lining eject more violent.
Don't forget to eat too.  The fuel is necessary, even though you don't think so when you hit the god - sighted stage. 

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This is great! Also,

It occurs to me that if world leaders drank this shit as much as I do, that most of our problems would be solved (on way or another).  Wars would be simpler.  After 20 cappuccinos, Bush would have been in Iraq himself, swinging a chainsaw, surrounded by the mutilated carcasses of his foes.  Well, okay, maybe not Bush.  But Nixon sure as hell would.  Hell, Nixon would rip them apart with his teeth.  And then he'd scoop out their hearts and shit in their torsos, all for the approval of the emperor and the roar of the crowd.

I love you.

[Cramulus]

  hahahahahahahahahah

my coworkers came to see what I was guffawing about and I had to rapidly multitask back to this hilarious excel spreadsheet.

[Manta Obscura]

 

[Iason Ouabache]

   TGRR has morphed into Too Much Coffee Man.  I like it!

[Triple Zero]

i just had a really strong brew that's buzzing my brains, and had to think about this writing

i think i need another one

I have a new cappuccino machine, which Maria bought me when I changed religions and gave up cactus.  In retrospect, this may not have been the most responsible decision she's ever made.  It turns out that I can put away 3-5 quadruple cappuccinos an hour without so much as leaving my chair out on the balcony.

Needless to say, this has led to more aberrant behavior than all the cactus I ever took.  After all, now I'm wired to the gills and I still have full use of my brain.  A disturbing side effect that you'd really rather not hear about - but will anyway - is this:  Despite the fact that caffeine thins out blood vessels, apparently it is in large doses more powerful than a wheelbarrow full of viagra.  Maria has in fact locked me out on the balcony until "such time as my fit of priapism ends and I let her get some sleep".  Ho ho!  It turns out that EVERYONE has their limits.

Except me, so long as I have coffee beans, cream, and water.

Provided I have these three things, I am invincible.  The hooting and screeching of the primates around me does not bother me, and - provided I don't look directly at it - the Dumb cannot hurt my brain.  I am above it all, here upon my fortress of arrogance.

It occurs to me that if world leaders drank this shit as much as I do, that most of our problems would be solved (on way or another).  Wars would be simpler.  After 20 cappuccinos, Bush would have been in Iraq himself, swinging a chainsaw, surrounded by the mutilated carcasses of his foes.  Well, okay, maybe not Bush.  But Nixon sure as hell would.  Hell, Nixon would rip them apart with his teeth.  And then he'd scoop out their hearts and shit in their torsos, all for the approval of the emperor and the roar of the crowd.

As you may have figured out by now, I may have found a new religion.

HAR HAR!  Are you ready for that?  Are you ready for a 265 pound maniacal jackass attempting to explain his religion to you, while spitting coffee, vomit, and stomach lining all over you?  Oh, yes, this upcoming decade looks to be even more fun than the last one...provided my heart doesn't explode out of my rectum like a caffeine-powered bazooka round.  And THAT might even be acceptable, depending on whom my arse is aimed at.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to explain this wisdom to the masses.  They have all come out onto their balconies to listen.  Or perhaps they have come out to see who is bellowing "Only in America" by Brookes and Dunn at the top of his voice as he types these words to you.

Or kill me.

[Template]

FANTASTIC! 

Few people can handle that much caffine, yet alone remain coherent!

Make sure to keep up with the cream.  Drinking the espresso straight is effective, but will make the stomach lining eject more violent.
Don't forget to eat too.  The fuel is necessary, even though you don't think so when you hit the god - sighted stage. 

I remember reading that you should drink coffee with milk so your body can keep absorbing calcium properly.  I think it also helps to ground the high and keep you feeling solid and clear.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I remember reading that you should drink coffee with milk so your body can keep absorbing calcium properly.  I think it also helps to ground the high and keep you feeling solid and clear.

[Von Melee]

Not related to topic, but thought yous all would like it.