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New Testament?

Started by hooplala, April 23, 2009, 04:42:35 PM

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Triple Zero

#60
April 26, 2009, 11:26:22 PM
Revelation of the Triad of Nothing

ONE

It was the Year of Our Lady three thousand and something when Oxo Divit Prim appeared to me as vibrant vibrations. He said unto me, with what might have been a booming voice, "Do Not Listen" and the world would have gone silent. The deafening lack of noise would have made me stand nonplussed for moment upon moment, as I would likely have wondered what in the name of Oxomotomomomotototo was going on. If a Shadow had been creeping up on me, I would not have heard it coming.

Except that this did not happen, as I blinked, became aware and looked up, saying, "Excuse me? I was not listening". And if only the world had been more quiet, I might have been able to make out the sacred wisdom that came from the muttering under his breath, as he turned and walked briskly into a wall.
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Verbal Mike

#61
April 26, 2009, 11:39:41 PM
Payne, it's quality stuff, but much like the bible it imitates, kinda boring to read... I don't know if there's anyway to fix it without losing the style...

Zip, that made me larf.
Unless stated otherwise, feel free to copy or reproduce any text I post anywhere and any way you like. I will never throw a hissy-fit over it, promise.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#62
April 26, 2009, 11:45:03 PM
I liked Payne's contribution and read the whole thing, but was mildly disappointed that, much like the actual Bible, there was no punch line.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Corvidia

#63
April 27, 2009, 12:04:28 AM
There needs to be scooby stories.
One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.

Payne

#64
April 27, 2009, 12:10:19 AM
That was just the first part of it, and covers nothing much. It's just setting the scene as it were.

Also, It's a bare bones kinda thing which I'm going to base the Good Shit(tm) on.

~~~Payne: Has written Biblical style epics before.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#65
April 27, 2009, 12:36:58 AM
Well, shit, I'm looking forward to it then.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Payne

#66
April 27, 2009, 12:38:58 AM
When I can fit it in. This week is gunna be busy, what with Dentists, Psychiatrists, Community Workers and Funerals.

All the fun things in life.

LMNO

#67
April 27, 2009, 12:59:29 PM
The only idea I have for this project:



Psalms.

hooplala

#68
April 27, 2009, 01:13:35 PM
Psalms are a MUST.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)" — Walt Whitman

Richter

#69
April 27, 2009, 07:18:57 PM
The Miracle of Perfect Pancake Seperation : The Lesser Testament St. Dick

Twas in a time certain months after the passing of our Lord Oxo Prim.  Having a span of days which circumstance had contrived to fill with long, though joyous tasks, I was greatly exhausted, and in dire want of food.  I came late that eve to an inn proprieted by a gentile named "Denny", who we never did meet, but whose services we did employ.  Far into the night did they do their business, respite, food and drinks were readily available.  In my wanton hunger I partook of fries smothered with cheese, hash with many meats, and pancakes.  Rarely in those days did I partake of pancakes, and seldom afterwards, but in my haste to consume, I bolted them down because they were there.  Their vile weight lay not lightly upon my gut, and I ran to the privy in fear of loosing my midnight luncheon.  Standing there before the john, I implored our Lord, "Am I destined to loose the goodness I have partaken of?  Have I simply rented the whole of these vittles on account of one vile pancake?"

A reply came upon me from the drop tile ceiling, "Nay, my son, relieve thyself only of what offends thee, and retain that which is good."

The voice fell silent, and I reared forwards in the position of punk rock vomitation. 

LO!  Only the pancake matter was ejected!   The good hash and meat, fries and cheese were retained by my uncannily discriminating gullet.  I gave thanks to Our Lord, and went back for some coffee and a breath - mint, still well fortified for the days to come.

May Our Lord grant me greater prudence, and such control when it is again needed.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Verbal Mike

#70
April 27, 2009, 11:57:18 PM
lol
Unless stated otherwise, feel free to copy or reproduce any text I post anywhere and any way you like. I will never throw a hissy-fit over it, promise.

Triple Zero

#71
April 28, 2009, 07:52:39 PM
Revelation of the Triad of Nothing

TWO

I was asleep, hurriedly counting mutating sheep. The deadline was approaching, but the fluffy fuckers just kept reciting their mobile phone numbers, throwing me off.

Aeons passed. When the sheep were replaced by cream coloured cotton cubes, at the count of three thousand and something, the great apparatus of Oxo Spritz Prim Motomotor Oil apparitioned in front of my starry focus. "Open your eyes, you sleepyhead! Awaken! The World of Yesterday needs a good looking Derailment of Thought!", said the Holy Gloopy Cookie as it sunk back into the floating reef made of pink icescream metal sponges.

I twisted and turned, murmured something about how the Revolution would just need a few more pithy one-liners and then I would surely get up and go pack my bags in the other room, okay?
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

LMNO

#72
April 28, 2009, 07:59:49 PM
1 And Lo, did I awaken; and opened my eyes, which were mine; and I grew afraid. 2 O LORD! What is this place I did awaken! My eyes, which are mine, see naught but walls around me! 3 And my body was surrounded by iron bars that were like bars, made of iron. 4 And through the gaps in the bars I could see paradise; for it was paradise; and lo, paradise it was. 5 I waxed wroth at the sight, and shook my fist with fury and wrath, I waxed. 6 On, I waxed, and off.  I waxed on, and I waxed off. 7 Having waxed off, I became filled with calm, and I spoke unto the heaven, "anyone got a wet-nap?" 8 And an angel spoke unto me, speaking; and he spake thus: Was That Really Necessary? 9 Nay! I cried, tell me, what are these black bars of iron which are black and irony? 10 And the angel dost say, "I Dunno, You Built It."

Triple Zero

#73
April 28, 2009, 08:05:55 PM
niiiiiiiiiiiiice one LMNO

and lo, it was nice

and by LMNO
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Verbal Mike

#74
April 28, 2009, 08:56:04 PM
fucking a!
:mittens:
Unless stated otherwise, feel free to copy or reproduce any text I post anywhere and any way you like. I will never throw a hissy-fit over it, promise.
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