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Hard Times in Fat City #4: The Demon Princess of Deceptively Connected Events

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, August 04, 2009, 03:09:57 AM

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The Good Reverend Roger

August 04, 2009, 03:09:57 AM
July was an evil month, full of bad tidings and bad weirdness.

First, Von Melee steps off the curb in a monsoon storm, and POW!...He gets hit by lighting.  One minute, he's enjoying a torrential downpour, a break from the heat, and the next, he's facing the other way minus his shoes, and that Egyptian dawg necklace thing of his is a curled up blob of metal.  Now, an optimist might say that God was just trying to tell him to get back on the curb...Jaywalking is dangerous, and probably some sort of minor sin...but read on.

Second, my son's best friend breaks up with his girl and SWOOP!...My kid is on that shit like a 16 year old vulture with a rocket jammed up his ass.  I asked him why he just did his pal dirty, and he responds, "There's two guys for every girl in this town, old man...you gotta be quick."  Then he finds out WHY his best friend dumped her, and he is now enjoying his very first Batshit Insane girlfriend.  Well, it's good for him.  It'll toughen him up.  Right?  Read on.

Third, Roger keels over again.  I get some weird goddamn respiratory infection, and then laugh myself back into the cardiac ward reading WOMP.  Turns out the attack actually happened some hours earlier, while I was sleeping.  Mind you, this is AFTER I lost a shitpile of weight, and got my blood pressure to normal.  So I just HAPPEN to get a weird infection, right?

WRONG.  These things all have one thing in common:  Sister Gothique moved away, and this town went bad.

That's right...all this time, we've been assuming that she is the Matron Saint of Poor Decision Making, but it turns out that she is, in fact, the CAUSE of All Bad Things, and not just collateral damage.  Hell, Randy the Schmoe was probably normal before she ruined him.  Here's this somewhat normal pseudo-hippie guy who got sideswiped by her admittedly amazing physical attributes, and then he was DOOMED.  Within a couple of years, he's some horrible slug thing out of a bad H.P. Lovecraft knockoff, worming his way through the Earth, writing bad emo poetry, and eating poop.

Yes, Sister Gothique is the debbil, the only proof of which I need offer is this:  Have you ever seen "her" and Iason in the same place? 

No, I didn't think so.

I'm on to you, woman.  I have people.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jenne

#1
August 04, 2009, 03:23:50 AM
:mittens:  It ALL falls together somehow!  ;)

Awesome ode to SG!  I hope they are studying your case, Rog, and figuring out wtf is making your ticker misbehave.

Cramulus

#2
August 04, 2009, 03:25:18 AM
Sweet merciful fuck! They're in cahoots!
          /
:cramstipated:

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
August 04, 2009, 03:25:58 AM
Quote from: Jenne on August 04, 2009, 03:23:50 AM
:mittens:  It ALL falls together somehow!  ;)

Awesome ode to SG!  I hope they are studying your case, Rog, and figuring out wtf is making your ticker misbehave.

 <--- this is why.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sister_Gothique

#4
August 04, 2009, 03:33:13 AM
I'm not sure whether to laugh, feel flattered/honored, offended(at the fact that you'd blame me for the emotional retard that was Randy) or some combination of all of them......THAT was both horrible and amazing.

As for the bit on Iason?.....Have you ruled out M.P.D?
I'm the new "God's Will"...Soon it'll be, "Oh, I can't be held accountable for THAT, Sister Gothique made me do it!"

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
August 04, 2009, 03:43:07 AM
Quote from: Sister_Gothique on August 04, 2009, 03:33:13 AM
I'm not sure whether to laugh, feel flattered/honored, offended(at the fact that you'd blame me for the emotional retard that was Randy) or some combination of all of them......THAT was both horrible and amazing.

As for the bit on Iason?.....Have you ruled out M.P.D?

Yes.  In favor of EVIL.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sister_Gothique

#6
August 04, 2009, 03:50:41 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 04, 2009, 03:43:07 AM
Quote from: Sister_Gothique on August 04, 2009, 03:33:13 AM
I'm not sure whether to laugh, feel flattered/honored, offended(at the fact that you'd blame me for the emotional retard that was Randy) or some combination of all of them......THAT was both horrible and amazing.

As for the bit on Iason?.....Have you ruled out M.P.D?

Yes.  In favor of EVIL.
WAIT...There's a problem with this equation. Am I Iason or Von Melee..Make up your mind!

Did I just stop being Von Melee when I left? lol....Oh..and has Chuck Berry text messaged you lately?
I'm the new "God's Will"...Soon it'll be, "Oh, I can't be held accountable for THAT, Sister Gothique made me do it!"

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
August 04, 2009, 04:13:55 AM
Quote from: Sister_Gothique on August 04, 2009, 03:50:41 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 04, 2009, 03:43:07 AM
Quote from: Sister_Gothique on August 04, 2009, 03:33:13 AM
I'm not sure whether to laugh, feel flattered/honored, offended(at the fact that you'd blame me for the emotional retard that was Randy) or some combination of all of them......THAT was both horrible and amazing.

As for the bit on Iason?.....Have you ruled out M.P.D?

Yes.  In favor of EVIL.
WAIT...There's a problem with this equation. Am I Iason or Von Melee..Make up your mind!

Did I just stop being Von Melee when I left? lol....Oh..and has Chuck Berry text messaged you lately?

I never said you were Von Melee.

And Chuck tells me many things...not least of which is that Von Melee and I cannot be killed.  We are immortal.  True, our organs may now resemble glass sculptures that will shatter at the merest touch, but that is a small price to pay.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sister_Gothique

#8
August 04, 2009, 09:49:15 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 04, 2009, 04:13:55 AM
Quote from: Sister_Gothique on August 04, 2009, 03:50:41 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 04, 2009, 03:43:07 AM
Quote from: Sister_Gothique on August 04, 2009, 03:33:13 AM
I'm not sure whether to laugh, feel flattered/honored, offended(at the fact that you'd blame me for the emotional retard that was Randy) or some combination of all of them......THAT was both horrible and amazing.

As for the bit on Iason?.....Have you ruled out M.P.D?

Yes.  In favor of EVIL.
WAIT...There's a problem with this equation. Am I Iason or Von Melee..Make up your mind!

Did I just stop being Von Melee when I left? lol....Oh..and has Chuck Berry text messaged you lately?

I never said you were Von Melee.

And Chuck tells me many things...not least of which is that Von Melee and I cannot be killed.  We are immortal.  True, our organs may now resemble glass sculptures that will shatter at the merest touch, but that is a small price to pay.
Gah...I was referring to an older joke..nevermind. lol

Glass organs....sounds more like a penance. Damn you Chuck for giving them false delusions of grandeur! :argh!:
I'm the new "God's Will"...Soon it'll be, "Oh, I can't be held accountable for THAT, Sister Gothique made me do it!"

Richter

#9
August 04, 2009, 12:53:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 04, 2009, 03:09:57 AM

Second, my son's best friend breaks up with his girl and SWOOP!...My kid is on that shit like a 16 year old vulture with a rocket jammed up his ass.  I asked him why he just did his pal dirty, and he responds, "There's two guys for every girl in this town, old man...you gotta be quick."  Then he finds out WHY his best friend dumped her, and he is now enjoying his very first Batshit Insane girlfriend.  Well, it's good for him.  It'll toughen him up.  Right?  Read on.

Glad he's getting an object lesson out of it.  I've exorcised former cabals over similar BS.

Is Von Melee OK / out of the hospital yet?  I want pics of his "Anubis" pendant with it's new Dali look.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Payne

#10
August 04, 2009, 01:01:42 PM
Jesus fuck S_G, remind me never to tease you in IRC ever again.

Yo' BAAAAAAAAAAD, girl.

Sister_Gothique

#11
August 05, 2009, 05:31:13 AM
Quote from: Payne on August 04, 2009, 01:01:42 PM
Jesus fuck S_G, remind me never to tease you in IRC ever again.

Yo' BAAAAAAAAAAD, girl.
Nor worries, doll. So far I only take out my aggressions on Tucson, apparently. I don't remember hearing about anything horrible happening in Milwaukee, but it's quite possibly that I missed something. lol
I'm the new "God's Will"...Soon it'll be, "Oh, I can't be held accountable for THAT, Sister Gothique made me do it!"

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
August 05, 2009, 05:34:33 AM
Quote from: Sister_Gothique on August 05, 2009, 05:31:13 AM
Quote from: Payne on August 04, 2009, 01:01:42 PM
Jesus fuck S_G, remind me never to tease you in IRC ever again.

Yo' BAAAAAAAAAAD, girl.
Nor worries, doll. So far I only take out my aggressions on Tucson, apparently. I don't remember hearing about anything horrible happening in Milwaukee, but it's quite possibly that I missed something. lol

MILWAUKEE HAPPENED IN MILWAUKEE!  NUFF SAID!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
August 05, 2009, 05:35:52 AM
And don't think we haven't SEEN what you've done in North Carolina.  Oh, yeah, we ALLLLLLL know what you're up to...

http://www.wral.com/business/story/5510006/
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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