The Dan Brown Sequel Generator!

[LMNO]

http://www.slate.com/id/2228327/

When renowned Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to Fenway Park to analyze a mysterious geometric form—imprinted on a gold ring lying next to the disemboweled corpse of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Baalinistas, a secret branch of the Sierra Club that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Baalinistas appears at Paul Revere's grave to deliver a grim ultimatum: Turn over the archbishop, or one cherub will disappear from the Sistine Chapel every day. With the countdown under way, Langdon joins forces with the lupine and charming daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 1000-year-old trail through Boston's most venerable statues and sacred churches, pursued by a Norwegian assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to John Muir and the very founding of the Sierra Club.

[Cain]

When renowned Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Obelisk in Plaza de la Republica to analyze a mysterious geometric form—drawn on a calling card next to the mangled body of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Baalifori, a secret branch of the International Olympic Committee that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Baalifori appears at the Colon Theatre to deliver a deadly ultimatum: Turn over the archbishop, or one cherub will disappear from the Sistine Chapel every day. With the countdown under way, Langdon joins forces with the Amazonian and firm-minded daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 600-year-old trail through Buenos Aires's most historic churches and exalted buildings, pursued by a one-handed assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Demetrius Vikelas and the very founding of the International Olympic Committee.

[Thurnez Isa]

better then the actual books

[LMNO]

Incidentally, I now want to cock-slap Dan Brown until his teeth fall out and then cock-choke him to death.

He has, in one single chapter, fucked up physics, gave support to "the Secret", mythologized DC gridlock, and castrated Jewish mysticism.  And I'm only a third of the way through the book so far.

[Cain]

Its wonderful, isn't it?

[LMNO]

He's like a modern-day Cadmus; he sows the Dragon's Teeth of interesting things, and breeds a legion of moronic soldiers.

[Cain]

Just wait for the Crowley namedropping later on in the book.

[Cainad (dec.)]

This rules

When celebrated Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Shrine of the Book to analyze a mysterious ancient script—etched into the floor next to the disfigured form of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Quintifori, a secret branch of the Scientologists that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Quintifori appears at the Israeli Parliament to deliver a deadly ultimatum: Turn over the archbishop, or one cherub will disappear from the Sistine Chapel every day. With the countdown under way, Langdon joins forces with the bedroom-eyed and brilliant daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 900-year-old trail through Jerusalem's most venerable libraries and sacred statues, pursued by a near-sighted assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to L. Ron Hubbard and the very founding of the Scientologists.

[Mangrove]

When renowned Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Statue of Liberty to analyze a mysterious rune—drawn on a calling card next to the disemboweled corpse of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Destifori, a secret branch of NAMBLA that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Destifori appears at the Apollo Theater to deliver a grim ultimatum: Deposit $1 billion in NAMBLA's off-shore bank accounts or the exclusive clothier of the Swiss Guards will be bankrupted. As the city braces for disaster, Langdon joins forces with the dewy and firm-minded daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 700-year-old trail through New York City's most venerable churches and historic buildings, pursued by a one-handed assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Allen Ginsberg and the very founding of NAMBLA.

[LMNO]

Just wait for the Crowley namedropping later on in the book.

Oddly enough, I was okay with that.  Not because it was accurate, but because when some psycho goes off the rails and obsesses about the "left hand path", he usually ends up getting Crowley completely wrong.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day...

I'm just about done, incidentally.  I'm dreading how bad the Reveal is going to be.

[Cain]

It struck me as cliche as fuck.  Sure, its accurate, but maybe I'm just jaded, and would like to see Kenneth Grant get credited for once.  The old bastard wanted to open stargates to let the Old Ones through, after all.  I'd call that pretty evil, by comparison.  Crowley was just ushering in the Age of Horus and shit.

[LMNO]

I think after getting bludgeoned for half the book with his schlock, any halfway-appropriate character development/backstory was welcome.

But yeah, Brown should have done a lot more digging.  I mean, he used Albrecht Dürer as a set piece, he could have at least name-checked Carl Kellner.

[Mangrove]

Never read a Dan Brown book.

Still not going to.

[LMNO]

Incidentally, I WILL KILL A MOTHERFUCKER.


Of all his books, including Digital Fortress, this was the worst written of the lot.










THANKS, DAN BROWN, AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT UMBERTO ECO HAD THE BEST CONSPIRACY NOVEL OF ALL TIME.  OF.  ALL.  TIME.

[Mangrove]

Mrs Mang' read 'The da Vinci Code' when it first came out and said it was a fun read. She told me a bit about it and so I picked it up in the bookstore. As soon as had I read the 'Priory Of Scion' is real schitck, I put it down and walked away.

Having read 'code', Mrs Mang' thought she would try Digital Fortress. I think it was one of her 'plane books' she purchased when she was flying to the UK. Anyways, she said that in one part of the book a main character's eyes were described as being one colour and then a few chapters later, have miraculously changed into another. She felt that if Dan Brown didn't care enough to keep that part consistent, then she didn't care enough to read it. Thus her interest in his works came to a screeching halt, never to be resumed.

So is this some kind of literary masochism? Is it the reader's equivalent of 'OMG, this tastes/smells disgusting.....here, you try it!'?

Incidentally, I have it on good authority that compared to the novels of Raymond Buckland, Dan Brown is Ernest Hemmingway.