Law of Conservation of BEARD

[Richter]

BEARD can neither be created or destoryed.  In event of shaving it will either regrow, or migrate to another face.  Better that BEARD be in your own possesion, that granted to some hapless fuck who cannot know it's power.

ASK ME ANYTHING.

[LMNO]

Can I haz soulpatch?

[Cain]

Will this require a reworking of our understanding of Planck's Constant?

[Dalek]

OFUK, you just screwed up the whole Big Bang theory. Well thank you! Now we need new physics 

[Payne]

I am currently (and inadvertently) cultivating a mass of scraggly facial hair again. It's hideous to behold and makes me look like a non-freelance bum in the depths of a alcohol and found-on-the ground-foodstuffs binge (like an average Scotsman, in other words). Richter: advice on making myself look fashionably dishevelled yet still have some modicum of class and style?

~~~Payne: Whoresuit Hirsute.

[Darth Cupcake]

How can I release my inner beardo?

[Richter]

Can I haz soulpatch?

HERETIC. 

[Richter]

Will this require a reworking of our understanding of Planck's Constant?

OFUK, you just screwed up the whole Big Bang theory. Well thank you! Now we need new physics 

BEARD is a condition of facial fortitude transcending the materium.  Trying to explain it with physics is like trying to explain non - Newtonian fluid with LEGOs

[Darth Cupcake]

Trying to explain it with physics is like trying to explain non - Newtonian fluid with LEGOs

So, best done when completely sauced?

[LMNO]

Can I haz soulpatch?

HERETIC. 

Can I haz QUANTUM soulpatch?

[Iason Ouabache]

When does a beard become a beard?

[Richter]

I am currently (and inadvertently) cultivating a mass of scraggly facial hair again. It's hideous to behold and makes me look like a non-freelance bum in the depths of a alcohol and found-on-the ground-foodstuffs binge (like an average Scotsman, in other words). Richter: advice on making myself look fashionably dishevelled yet still have some modicum of class and style?

~~~Payne: Whoresuit Hirsute.

I had a similar conundrum for my first few weeks of beard propagation.  If you can persevere through the scraggle to acceptable coverage, roll with it.  If one are or another (Sideburns, moustace, etc.) don't fill in well SHAVE THEM.  It's better for Payne to shave than enter His Kingdom (again) looking messy.  

Personally, if it doesn't give you coverage sufficient to obscure the skin underneath, then it's not BEARD, its face pubes.  Some folks CAN make it work, if they have lighter, straighter facial hair.

As far as fashionable stubble, I have no good meter on that.  A few day's stubble CAN fly if you have other good beard coverage

[Richter]

How can I release my inner beardo?

Your Felt Beard creations capture it MARVELOUSLY.  Donning Eve's gaybeard allowed me to behold potential beard- power long before it's growth.  They ennable cunnign gaze and kung - fu stance isntantly.  Who knows what prolonged wear may result in, but it can only be awesome.

Trying to explain it with physics is like trying to explain non - Newtonian fluid with LEGOs

So, best done when completely sauced?

OSHIT.  New Drunken DIssertation topic!

[Richter]

When does a beard become a beard?

When it stops being Stubble.

Can I haz soulpatch?

HERETIC. 

Can I haz QUANTUM soulpatch?

Beards inherently follow the Schrodinger's Balls Principle.  Either you have one, or you don't.  SoulPatches create an instability straddling this state which makes me want to tear them out with pliers in 8/10 cases.  Invariably, they eventually collapse into either BEARD or No BEARD.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Space Cowboy breaks beard physics by having both a soul patch and a beard. What I mean by this is that his soul patch is noticeably distinct from his beard, and longer. It's also a different color, because that's just how he rolls.