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ATTN SQUID: On the subject of teenage kids and immoral behavior

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, October 06, 2009, 04:32:04 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

October 06, 2009, 04:32:04 PM
Squid,

All too much has been said in the media recently, concerning teenage sex and the perils thereof.  It occurs to me, though, that nobody is talking about the perils of middle age sex.

When you get to be my age, things go terribly wrong in the sack.  Bits that should be stationary aren't, orifices backfire at random like a badly tuned diesel engine, and there's a sound like a wet bathtowel slapping the wall that you just can't pin down.  Shit flops around in ways that can cause hernias, and weird odors pop up that would be more appropriate in an automotive garage.  Stuff that should stay dry gets wet, and shit that should be wet stays dry, and if you try to do any of the FUN shit, you wind up explaining embarrassing things to paramedics.

No, it's all too hideous to contemplate, and what's worse is the prospect of what things will be like in, say, another 25 years.  We'll all have wrinkles, and the sheer exertion will allow trapped material to escape from those wrinkles like so much glory hole squeezings.  Horrible, horrible.

So when my kid tells me he's going out on a date with Suzy Roundheels this weekend, what could I do?  I tossed him $10 for condoms and I just hope he has a good time before he too has a body with the strength and consistency of stale bread.

Youth is, indeed, wasted on the young.

Okay for now,
Roger
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Thurnez Isa

#1
October 06, 2009, 04:34:40 PM
Wait, is Suzy Roundheels cheating on me?
:cry:
Through me the way to the city of woe, Through me the way to everlasting pain, Through me the way among the lost.
Justice moved my maker on high.
Divine power made me, Wisdom supreme, and Primal love.
Before me nothing was but things eternal, and eternal I endure.
Abandon all hope, you who enter here.
Dante

Sir Squid Diddimus

#2
October 06, 2009, 04:58:13 PM
I think you did exactly what a parent should do.

Nobody can stop a teenager from doing what no parent really wants to ever think about, but providing them with the means to be careful and responsible is the best thing you can do.

When the time comes, I'm gonna have to do the same thing myself.
Just suck it up and realize that "he isn't my little baby anymore" and all that shit.

And drilling "no glove no love" into their heads at an early age is a good idea.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
October 06, 2009, 05:08:43 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on October 06, 2009, 05:00:09 PM
:mittens: to the OP!  :lulz:

There are some things so horrible that they must be said.

You bastards have no idea what's in store for you.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Darth Cupcake

#5
October 06, 2009, 05:15:30 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 06, 2009, 05:08:43 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on October 06, 2009, 05:00:09 PM
:mittens: to the OP!  :lulz:

There are some things so horrible that they must be said.

You bastards have no idea what's in store for you.

I am so afraid of that. I've been afraid of that for a long time.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME, ROG. I WAS HAPPY IN MY INNOCENCE.
Be the trouble you want to see in the world.

LMNO

#6
October 06, 2009, 05:17:23 PM
Don't let it scare you...


Allow the coming FAPOCALYPSE to free you!

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
October 06, 2009, 05:18:54 PM
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on October 06, 2009, 05:15:30 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 06, 2009, 05:08:43 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on October 06, 2009, 05:00:09 PM
:mittens: to the OP!  :lulz:

There are some things so horrible that they must be said.

You bastards have no idea what's in store for you.

I am so afraid of that. I've been afraid of that for a long time.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME, ROG. I WAS HAPPY IN MY INNOCENCE.

It is not the job of Holy Men™ to tell you pleasant lies.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#8
October 06, 2009, 05:22:46 PM
By the way, you forgot the part about your joints popping and creaking like a five-gallon bucket of Rice Krispies.

Richter

#9
October 06, 2009, 05:27:25 PM
Thank YOU Lemon Party.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
October 06, 2009, 05:29:15 PM
Quote from: LMNO on October 06, 2009, 05:22:46 PM
By the way, you forgot the part about your joints popping and creaking like a five-gallon bucket of Rice Krispies firecrackers.

Edited for accuracy.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Darth Cupcake

#11
October 06, 2009, 05:30:59 PM
I fully intend to beat the crap out of anyone who tries to go soft on me.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON EXOTIC AND EXCITING SEXYTIMES UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT

I WILL QUITE GODDAMN LITERALLY GO OUT WITH A BANG

ANYONE WHO FALLS BEHIND, STAYS BEHIND, AND NOT IN THE SEXY WAY. JUST IN THE NOT-GETTING-ANY-WAY

MY USE OF CAPS IS INDICATIVE OF MY VIGOR IN THE BEDROOM
Be the trouble you want to see in the world.

LMNO

#12
October 06, 2009, 05:31:36 PM
THAT'S THE SPIRIT!

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
October 06, 2009, 05:34:16 PM
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on October 06, 2009, 05:30:59 PM
I fully intend to beat the crap out of anyone who tries to go soft on me.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON EXOTIC AND EXCITING SEXYTIMES UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT

I WILL QUITE GODDAMN LITERALLY GO OUT WITH A BANG

ANYONE WHO FALLS BEHIND, STAYS BEHIND, AND NOT IN THE SEXY WAY. JUST IN THE NOT-GETTING-ANY-WAY

MY USE OF CAPS IS INDICATIVE OF MY VIGOR IN THE BEDROOM

Oh, we old folks still have vigor.  It's just that the exertion causes us to cough up phlegmy bits on each other's chests.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Darth Cupcake

#14
October 06, 2009, 05:35:01 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 06, 2009, 05:34:16 PM
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on October 06, 2009, 05:30:59 PM
I fully intend to beat the crap out of anyone who tries to go soft on me.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON EXOTIC AND EXCITING SEXYTIMES UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT

I WILL QUITE GODDAMN LITERALLY GO OUT WITH A BANG

ANYONE WHO FALLS BEHIND, STAYS BEHIND, AND NOT IN THE SEXY WAY. JUST IN THE NOT-GETTING-ANY-WAY

MY USE OF CAPS IS INDICATIVE OF MY VIGOR IN THE BEDROOM

Oh, we old folks still have vigor.  It's just that the exertion causes us to cough up phlegmy bits on each other's chests.



BALL GAG
Be the trouble you want to see in the world.
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