An Interview with the Good Reverend Roger

[Z Magazine]

Z Magazine, the only source for news unaffected by the conservative war mongers, brings you a special feature this month exclusively for the benefit of the Principia Discordia forum.



AN INTERVIEW WITH A MAD PROPHET
Z Magazine interviews The Good Reverend Roger
By Jacob Garrison

   These days, there is an awful lot of talk about breaking down the system. Even a quick glance at the level of corruption in the American empire shows such a breakdown to be necessary. Much talk, too little action.

The man who will identify himself only as the Right Reverend Roger is no man of talk. He is a highly mobile thorn in the side of any establishment that dare try to cross him. A hazard to be avoided at all costs. Surprisingly Polite, but horribly destructive.

After numerous needlessly complicated pay phone contacts I was able to arrange a meeting and interview with the man himself. He will only conduct the interview at a time and place of his choosing.

The place is a 24 hour pancake hut located on a trucker,Äôs route in a rural section of southern*edited at GRR's Request*. The time is 3:30 AM. It,Äôs a hell hole. Waitresses worn out from years of hard living walk around and fill up cherry flavored syrup containers at empty tables while they dream themselves into their favorite romance novel. Surly truckers yell for their coffee refill knowing it is the only thing in life they are truly entitled to. In the corner a man in a checkered hat won,Äôt shut up about some woman he supposedly ,Äúboinked,Äù.

An average mid-western evening...until a lumbering giant of a man strolls in and casually sits down at my table. His manner suggests that he owns the place. These broken rejects on the forgotten highway are his people and he demands nothing but a short stack of pancakes from them which a waitress is all too happy to bring him.

,ÄúOK. Shoot. Let,Äôs do this quick. I,Äôm in a hurry. Bowzer,Äôs probably hungry by now.,Äù

Z - Is there any truth regarding your involvement with and sabotage of the US military?

GRR - Naturally, provided you call wrecking vehicles "sabotage". I called it "good training". You have to remember, those tanks are there for the amusement of the soldiers.

Z - As you may be aware, there are some arguments about your origin, let me be blunt, are you a descendent of one of the love children of William Howard Taft?

GRR - Probably. Taft was a known pervert, and screwed everything that couldn't outrun his agents. He was the R Kelly of his time. In fact, the only American political figure with a bigger Libido was Ben Franklin, who once screwed the entire state of Virginia, on a drunken rampage in 1791.

Z - In that case, is it true that your mother was, in all truth, impregnated by a male cobra?
GRR - That's just silly. It was a Black Mambo.

Z - Let,Äôs set the record straight, what is your position on Eris and Discordianism / Principia?

GRR - Tough one. It is my opinion that Discordianism has failed, largely. It has become a refuge for poets and goofballs...nothing WRONG with that, but I think it's lost its focus.

Eris, of course, is a mythical figure. She doesn't exist. Sorry.

As for the Principia, I have made my views crystal clear on that. It was necessary to have it to start the movement, but it has become a source of dogma, and should be scrapped...with nothing to replace it, beyond the fevered imaginations of Discordians.

Z - Who is #1?

GRR - Who's your Daddy?

*At this point GRR pauses to use the bathroom. It may be a coincidence that 5 minutes later the man in the checkered hat runs out of the bathroom soaking wet complaining about exploding urinals, but I somehow doubt it.*

Z - Are you Efrim or anyone else?

GRR - No. I have never posted under any other moniker on this board, nor will I ever. Unless it's funny.

Z - Do you take responsibility for the recent Jihaad, or any other Jihaads for that matter?

GRR - Kind of. St Hugh and I sort of kicked things off one day, and he wound up taking all of the blame and/or credit. Thing is, the Jihaad was coming, the board was ready for it...if it wasn't us, it would have been someone else. Tao, really, was to blame, with his sanctimonious nonsense about "Aneristic" behavior. EVT was, unfortunately, caught in the crossfire, but she felt she had to stick up for her guy, and she made it all too easy, with her non-stop gushing about Tao. I miss the old EVT. She was a hoot, back in the day. She went and got lazy on us though. Fall not in love, therefore, for it will stick to your face.

Z - What are your demands?

GRR - Heh. You won't trick me THAT easily. My demands have been stated. It's not MY fault no one was paying attention. Go digging, reporter-boi. That's why they PAY you.

Z - Interesting. GRR, would you please give us a brief history of the orginization you once controlled, Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow?

GRR - Not on your life. EGfaBT was a smashing success in the mid 90s, and lingered on until a few months ago. These kids will have to figure things out the hard way, just like we did. Let the past die...discordianism isn't about what was done 10 years ago, it's about what we're doing RIGHT NOW.

Z - Is PrincipiaDiscordia.com being manipulated by a vast right wing conspiracy?

GRR - Cripes, I hope so. I'd hate to be left out.

Z - Seriously, is Tao a cabbage/greyface or what?

GRR - I don't know, because I don't know him. Perhaps...he certainly came off as one the last few weeks. But I suspect that his main problem was/is delivery. His heart seems to be in the right place, but he has some rather...odd...ideas concerning jakes and mindfucks...and a bizarre idea that Discordians should act in a certain way. Hell, I even agree with him on that one, but only to a point. I think that Discordians should smite, he thinks that Discordians should all LOOK and SOUND like discordians. He has fallen into the trap of the conformity of non-conformists. Sort of like a Goth on crack. If you don't LOOK like all the other freaks, why, you must be some kind of NORMAL. Feh.

Z - Is there any truth to rumors about a power struggle between you and Hugh for control of the Jihad?

GRR- HELL NO. I am NOT in charge of ANYBODY, nor will I allow myself to be roped into such a trap. Hopefully, Hugh is too smart for that, too. So far, he seems to be.

Z- Are early reports accurate that you will you be the running mate of Utah Phillips on the Sloth and Indolence Ticket this November?

GRR - No. See the preceding question...besides, I'm too lazy for sloth and indolence. If nominated, I WILL run...right out the back door.

Z - Do you live in constant fear that the government will finally bring the hammer down on you?

GRR - No, not really. There's not really any POINT in worrying about that. Hell, we'll ALL be in jail by this time next year, whether we're guilty or not...so we may as well have a good time now. When they finally rope us all in, there will be no nonsense about lawyers...hell, if you ARE a lawyer, you won't even have access to yourself. The fun is either coming to an end, or just beginning. The fat is in the fire, and time is running out.

*Talking to GRR was at best enlightening and at worst terrifying. I will take much away from my conversation from him and I can only think to end the interview with his closing words to me*

,ÄúNow, fuck off.,Äù

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Wow.  They actually had the cojones to print it.

Unlike those sissies at CNN.

[Trollax]

I like. I think you were painted favourable there Roger.

[MedeoPlusPlus]

Okay, Roger, be honest. That thing about the exploding urinals- you were involved, yes?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Okay, Roger, be honest. That thing about the exploding urinals- you were involved, yes?

My oldest tech trick.

Wanna know how to do it?

[Trollax]

Okay, Roger, be honest. That thing about the exploding urinals- you were involved, yes?

My oldest tech trick.

Wanna know how to do it?

Hell yes.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Okay, Roger, be honest. That thing about the exploding urinals- you were involved, yes?

My oldest tech trick.

Wanna know how to do it?

Hell yes.

Pipe comes out of the wall, towards the urinal, and makes a 90 degree turn towards the urinal.  At that turn, you will see one of three things...a shiny metal cover (looking like part of the pipe), what appears to be a plug, or a slot.

They're all the same.  Remove the metal cover with a screwdriver (just pry the bugger off), or remove the plug (this is harder, as you will need two tools, rather than just a pocket screwdriver).  Either way, you wind up with a bronze piece with a slot.

This is the needle valve.  To turn OFF all water to the urinal, turn it clockwise.  To ramp UP the pressure, turn it counter-clockwise.

Ramping up the pressure will have one of two effects, based on the CFM of the water supply.  If the CFM is low, the next person to flush will have piss on their shoes.  If it is high, they'll get it in the face.

Thus endeth the lesson.

[Trollax]

and if the pipe coming out of the wall doesn't come out of the wall?

Perhaps a diagram would be nice...

[Trollax]

Just visited the Zmag website...

very cool.

Just thought I'd offer my two cents.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Just visited the Zmag website...

very cool.

Just thought I'd offer my two cents.

I don't THINK that the thread author is a member of Zmag.

It would be cool if he/she/it was, though.

[The Great Ozette]

Reverend Roger,
     I don't normally post on forums, but I did want to tell you that I thoroughly enjoy reading your stories.  You're an excellent writer.  Anyways, I wish you and your dog the best.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Ye gods! Exploding urinals are funny. Especially in a crowded bar when everyone is stumbling drunk.

BTW- I believe that the rumors of the Jihad power struggle were about Trollax and Bella, not Roger and I.

I sure as hell didn't start the damned thing. Nor do I want power...unless it's caffeine.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Reverend Roger,
     I don't normally post on forums, but I did want to tell you that I thoroughly enjoy reading your stories.  You're an excellent writer.  Anyways, I wish you and your dog the best.

Thank you.  Compliments from lurkers always make my day.  I am not being sarcastic.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I sure as hell didn't start the damned thing.

Neither did I.

Honest.

Rev Roger,
Certainly wouldn't leave Hugh holding the bag.  

[Horab Fibslager]

i started it in late mid august, 1988 whiel passing through ohio towards teh state next to it. it seems some locals didn't liek the cut of my jobs, and decided to cut out my toungue so they could have my fine canadian accent for their own damned selves. despite being meraly six years old at the time, i managed to fend them off and in doing so got a small scar on my elbow and severely depopulated the tristate area. that scar of course, was far too much for my fragile infantile mind to comprehend, and so i buried a deep odious rage, threat slowly grew into a psychopathic lust for vengeance served cold with crackers and liver pate. every waking moment from that time was devoted to that vengeance, until i relaized that the best way to gain what was rightfully mine, was to set forth in motion the events which would eventually lead to those further events which preceeded in the previous weeks. yes, thanks to my superious, yet indeliably basic understanding of behavioural and social psychology learned while trying to punch through padded walls wearing heacvy restraints has allowed me to use 3/4 of the world's population to pay a debt 16 years in the coming.