Corporate Demonology

[Iason Ouabache]

I can't be the only one who sees the Corporate Demons haunting my work. Every large work place has a couple of demons hidden in the shadows, ready to eat the souls of the less fortunate.

At my work place right now there is this vicious demon by the name of Attainment. No one really knows who this particular demon is or what it looks like. It is said to live in either the forests outside of Cincinnati or in the ancient city underneath present day Atlanta. This demon has a nasty habit of shackling people to their work benches for almost half the day. For some reason it passes over those who arrive early but attacks those that come in later. Some say that it is related to another evil gremlin Efficiency or the just vanquished demon named Yield. There's talk that this demon will try to ruin Christmas eve for many people if its hunger isn't satisfied. Pretty ironic for someone that shares a parentage with ol' Santa Claus himself. (I've even heard in hushed tones that there is an even worse demon named Engagement that is trying to Attainment's place as rightful ruler.)

But the thing I've learned about these corporate demons, is that there is really no way to permanently get rid of them. Once one is locked back into its box, another appears. If it wasn't Attainment it would be Volume or Sustainability or even one of those really weird ones that just goes by a random string of letters like SOP. If I didn't know better I would say that the executive branch were skilled conjurers. Those aren't really meeting to go over the newest business plan. They are busy poring over grimoires, trying to find just the right spell to cast.

No, no. That would just be too crazy to think. There's no way that demons really exist. But just the same, does anyone know any good banishing spells? I need one before Christmas.

http://chaoskeptic.blogspot.com/2009/12/corporate-demonology.html

[Brotep]

Nice.  Will you be compiling a bestiary?

[Telarus]

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I have found that if I'm unpleasant enough to my peers, I can ignore the demons and fuck off indefinitely.

Being a bastard works!

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Nice rant.  I work with a few demons myself, but it is the pass the buck kind who then spawned the find someone else to blame kind.  They suck! 

I have found that if I'm unpleasant enough to my peers, I can ignore the demons and fuck off indefinitely.

Being a bastard works!

Yes this has proven to work well for me as well. Of course everyone thinks I'm a bitter repressed lesbian, but hey, I don't hang with these people so I really don't give a flying fuck.  And when you tell them that THEY have the nerve to get pissed.....

Fucking monkeys....

[BadBeast]

I can't be the only one who sees the Corporate Demons haunting my work. Every large work place has a couple of demons hidden in the shadows, ready to eat the souls of the less fortunate.

or even one of those really weird ones that just goes by a random string of letters like SOP. If I didn't know better I would say that the executive branch were skilled conjurers.

This one's known asthe "WSD".
Really easy to summon too, (I would have thought)


(forgot the link. Again.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3It6VQRV57E

[Cramulus]

The fundamental assumption within the corporation is that stuff is important. That goods & services are necessary to human survival and happiness. Conversely, the most terrifying reality of the corporation is that it is impermanent. It's always struggling against market factors, shareholders, and fickle customers; employee negligence & stupidity; corporate watchdogs and bold journalists. Strike with the inner peace of impermanence. Strike with the relentless change of time, who brings down all attempts at order. Strike with hawk-headed gods and egyptian queens. Strike with the legends and myths of humanity, rich with depth and meaning and integrity. Amidst the backdrop of history, the corporation is a fleeting moment. Show it this truth. Plant seeds of aetheric chaos.

[EmmaE]

Good points, OP. Have you ever seen the documentary called The Corporation? It likens corporations to sociopaths - it's quite an interesting film.
Here's the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa3wyaEe9vE

Nice.  Will you be compiling a bestiary?

Is it sad that, when I saw this, my first thought was "I wish I had a strategy guide for my job"?  :I