So, yeah. Jury duty.

[Salty]

Oh, this is going to be good.

Wear a white labcoat to the courthouse, and introduce yourself as Doktor (emphasis on the k, ala russian accent). Refuse to elaborate on what branch of science you specialize in.

I have a surgical gown now.  Would that work better?

Bring a cathater and a cholostomy bag with you. "Just in case."

[Remington]

Oh, this is going to be good.

Wear a white labcoat to the courthouse, and introduce yourself as Doktor (emphasis on the k, ala russian accent). Refuse to elaborate on what branch of science you specialize in.

I have a surgical gown now.  Would that work better?

That would be sufficient.

Also, both Richter and Alty have excellent suggestions.

[Doktor Howl]

 

Oh, these are good.

[Mangrove]

Possibilities:

a) Make an enormous fuss about being 'sworn in'. (eg: ask that the Bible be replaced with TV guide etc)

b) Wear a Star Trek uniform. Seriously, I remember some years ago about some woman who was kicked off a jury for wearing her uniform and debating the case with the 'principles of Trek' which she believed was a valid moral code.

c) Tell them you have 'occult powers'.

d) Tin foil hats are 'in' this spring. Remember to accessorize.

e) Answer all questions in a weird voice while bending your right index finger like the kid from The Shining. (red rum! red rum!)

f) Place the race card, only do it completely wrong. Eg: Suspect that the white lawyers are persecuting you for being white etc.

g) Only answer questions in rhyme.

h) End as many statements as possible with the phrase '....according to prophecy.'

[Doktor Howl]

Possibilities:

a) Make an enormous fuss about being 'sworn in'. (eg: ask that the Bible be replaced with TV guide etc)

b) Wear a Star Trek uniform. Seriously, I remember some years ago about some woman who was kicked off a jury for wearing her uniform and debating the case with the 'principles of Trek' which she believed was a valid moral code.

c) Tell them you have 'occult powers'.

d) Tin foil hats are 'in' this spring. Remember to accessorize.

e) Answer all questions in a weird voice while bending your right index finger like the kid from The Shining. (red rum! red rum!)

f) Place the race card, only do it completely wrong. Eg: Suspect that the white lawyers are persecuting you for being white etc.

g) Only answer questions in rhyme.

h) End as many statements as possible with the phrase '....according to prophecy.'

Thanks, but I'm not trying to get out of it, but fuck it up entirely.

How many points is a mistrial without breaking any laws worth?

[Mangrove]

Possibilities:

a) Make an enormous fuss about being 'sworn in'. (eg: ask that the Bible be replaced with TV guide etc)

b) Wear a Star Trek uniform. Seriously, I remember some years ago about some woman who was kicked off a jury for wearing her uniform and debating the case with the 'principles of Trek' which she believed was a valid moral code.

c) Tell them you have 'occult powers'.

d) Tin foil hats are 'in' this spring. Remember to accessorize.

e) Answer all questions in a weird voice while bending your right index finger like the kid from The Shining. (red rum! red rum!)

f) Place the race card, only do it completely wrong. Eg: Suspect that the white lawyers are persecuting you for being white etc.

g) Only answer questions in rhyme.

h) End as many statements as possible with the phrase '....according to prophecy.'

Thanks, but I'm not trying to get out of it, but fuck it up entirely.

How many points is a mistrial without breaking any laws worth?

Instigating a legal mistrial. Would that be the judicial equivalent of being a physicist and finding out a Theory Of Everything tm?

[Mangrove]

Ok, so it may be easier than it sounds:

A courtroom trial  that has been terminated prior to its normal conclusion. A mistrial has no legal effect and is considered an invalid  or nugatory  trial. It differs from a "new trial," which recognizes that a trial was completed but was set aside so that the issues could be tried again.

A judge may declare a mistrial for several reasons, including lack of jurisdiction, incorrect jury selection, or a deadlocked, or hung, jury. A deadlocked jury — where the jurors cannot agree over the defendant's guilt or innocence — is a common reason for declaring a mistrial. Extraordinary circumstances, such as death or illness of a necessary juror or an attorney, may also result in a mistrial. A mistrial may also result from a fundamental error so prejudicial to the defendant that it cannot be cured by appropriate instructions to the jury, such as improper remarks made during the prosecution's summation.

In determining whether to declare a mistrial, the court must decide whether the error is so prejudicial and fundamental that expenditure of further time and expense would be wasteful, if not futile. Although the judge has the power to declare a mistrial and discharge a jury, this power should be "exercised with great care and only in cases of absolute necessity" (Salvatore v. State of Florida, 366 So. 2d 745 [Fla. 1978], cert. denied, 444 U.S. 885, 100 S. Ct. 177, 62 L. Ed. 2d 115 [1979]).

For example, in Ferguson v. State, 417 So. 2d 639 (Fla. 1982), the defendant moved for a mistrial because of an allegedly improper comment made by the prosecution during closing argument. The prosecution stated that not only was defense counsel asking the jury to find a scapegoat for the defendant's guilt, he was also putting the blame on someone who had already been found guilty. The appellate court found that the lower court had properly denied the motion for a mistrial because the prosecutor's comment fell within the bounds of "fair reply."

A mistrial in a criminal prosecution may prevent retrial under the double jeopardy provision of the Fifth Amendment, which prohibits an individual from being tried twice for the same offense, unless required by the interests of justice and depending on which party moved for the mistrial. Typically, there is no bar to a retrial if the defendant requests or consents to a mistrial. A retrial may be barred if the court grants a mistrial without the defendant's consent, or over his objection. If the mistrial results from judicial or prosecutorial misconduct, a retrial will be barred. In United States v. Jorn, 400 U.S. 470, 91 S. Ct. 547, 27 L. Ed. 2d 543 (1971), the Supreme Court held that reprosecuting the defendant would constitute double jeopardy because the judge had abused his discretion in declaring a mistrial. On his own motion, the judge had declared a mistrial to enable government witnesses to consult with their own attorneys.

[Requia ☣]

After the jurors have become convinced that the guy is guilty, tell them some stories about some of the less scrupulous cops you've worked with.

EITHER

         They're ALL guilty of SOMETHING

Explain how Kafka is right, get other jurors to confess to frivolous felonies (owning too many computers, Thursday night poker, that kind of thing).

[Elder Iptuous]

Bait the other jurors into making racist comments.

Better idea, teach them about the finer points of jury nullification. 

Yes, this.....
I understand that jury nullification makes judges bust blood vessels.
i think they have all info needed at www.fija.org

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

If the other jurors think the defendant is guilty you explain to them that he/she isn't. Demand that he/she is innocent and give them valid reasons.
Once convinced, change your mind and convince them again.
Do this for a while.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

HO HO HO!



Other than stickering the bejaysus out of the courthouse itself, and deliberately attempting to get on a jury to fuck with the system as a whole, any ideas for the Dok?

Google "jury nullification" and try not to get booted. Go from there.

[Dysnomia]

for some reason I keep reading Mistrial as Minstrel.  Therefore I believe it is a sign from the Goddess that you go dressed as a minstrel, and communicate only in whimsical song for the entire duration of the trial.

(read, as in Sir Robin's minstrels, not the racist blackface shit that came up in google search.  Although I suppose that would be good for getting one out by means of playing the racist card...)

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Just a reminder to check the urinals for the correct water pressure.

Probably a given, but...

[Doktor Howl]

Just a reminder to check the urinals for the correct water pressure.

Probably a given, but...

That's a given.

You can't be too careful, and I AM a maintenance man.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Also play down your cop history. Someone on my team got bumped off of three juries because she worked with cops and "knew too much about the legal system" so she couldn't be a juror...

I'm sure that made sense to someone.