The Holy Land

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I was thinking, yesterday, about Tucson, and what a legendary mecca/hellhole it has grown to be in our own little corner of Discordian mythology.

I think Tucson might actually be our Holy Land, a Discordian Jerusalem. Technically that should mean Payne was born there, but our Lord works in mysterious ways. I mean, in the Holy Land, anything is possible, right?

Pilgrimages will have to be made, and shrines built.

[Suu]

I may be hitting it up in November for a comic con out there, as long as my school schedule works with it.

[Freeky]

I was thinking, yesterday, about Tucson, and what a legendary mecca/hellhole it has grown to be in our own little corner of Discordian mythology.

I think Tucson might actually be our Holy Land, a Discordian Jerusalem. Technically that should mean Payne was born there, but our Lord works in mysterious ways. I mean, in the Holy Land, anything is possible, right?

Pilgrimages will have to be made, and shrines built.

Troof.

[Dimocritus]

And heathens SLAUGHTERED in HER NAME!!!!!!!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

We will MARCH on a ROAD OF BONES!

Actually, I might be there in late August.

Tucson: Discordian Holy Land™.

Tucson is Tucson, but Tucson™ is everywhere.

Tucson™ is coming for you. Ia!

The home of Tucson™ is Tucson. The purest experience of Tucson™ can only be had in Tucson. A Discordian shall, at some time in their lives, make a pilgrimage to Tucson to partake in the underbelly of the Holy Land™. During this time, a Discordian must Take It To The Wall.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

According to Google Maps, Tucson is a 23 hour drive from Portland.

COINCIDENCE???

[P3nT4gR4m]

Not entirely accurate, since the proper way to arrive in Tucson is at 150mph, with a line of police pursuit vehicles stretching all the way back to wherever you left from.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Not entirely accurate, since the proper way to arrive in Tucson is at 150mph, with a line of police pursuit vehicles stretching all the way back to wherever you left from.

I assume the 23 hours includes the time spent on backroads dodging pursuit.

[Doktor Howl]

I was thinking, yesterday, about Tucson, and what a legendary mecca/hellhole it has grown to be in our own little corner of Discordian mythology.

I think Tucson might actually be our Holy Land, a Discordian Jerusalem. Technically that should mean Payne was born there, but our Lord works in mysterious ways. I mean, in the Holy Land, anything is possible, right?

Pilgrimages will have to be made, and shrines built.

A few things worth mentioning:

1.  The 22 day rule:  If you spend one minute more than 3 weeks in Tucson (defined as anywhere in the Gadsden Purchase), you get stuck and you can never leave.  Just ask Sister Gothique or Swamp Jesus.

2.  Coyote poop.  You will breathe it.

3.  Bugs.  Not Florida bugs.  Big, hairy things with stingers and occasionally rotating saw blades.

4.  Perverts.  We got 'em, you can't have 'em.

5.  New digs will be obtained this fall.  After that, any number of pilgrims can be lodged, provided reasonable care is used to not interfere with the kid's getting up for school.

6.  All my vacation time is used or spoken for until January.  This is also the best time to come down here, as it's nice and cool outside, though not as cold as you lowlanders are used to (think 70 at noon and 38 at night...That's about a kilometer and a half, for you metric spags).  Starting in January, I can make sure that you get to see all of Tucson, no matter how loud you scream.

7.  I plan to visit Portland this fall, and Scotland/Southampton in the middle of the fucking winter (why the hell not?).  I will post those dates to avoid you poor bastards showing up without a reputable tour guide.

8.  DO NOT COME IN FEBRUARY.  The fucking Gem Show is in town then (assuming it isn't moved elsewhere as part of the boycott), and you can't fucking MOVE in this town for 3 solid weeks.  All the roads are jammed up with out of towners gasping for air while trying to drive on the wrong side of the street, and all the parking in the entire greater metropolitan (har) area is completely full.

9.  You have to see Tombstone.  Plan an entire day, preferably on the weekend (when all the cool shows are on).  It's touristy, but it's FUN touristy.

10.  The Management accepts no responsibility for you or your pets, possessions, etc, regardless of any unnecessary/unwanted body modifications, tattoos, extra orifices, stab wounds, drug overdoses, lead poisoning, car accident, Freeky's vindaloo, or brain damage caused by realizing you've just travelled 2000 miles to see a bunch of shitty adobe buildings and redneck swine.

That being said, I look forward to it.

[Kai]

There is no Goddess but Eris, and Tucson^TM is Her city.

Where is Tucson's Haj then?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

PILGRIMAGE AHOY!

As the Resident Holy Man of Tucson, I would respectfully suggest to Dok that the wall be found and identified for <cough> appropriate visitation/offerings.

[LMNO]

There is no Goddess but Eris, and Tucson^TM is Her city.

Where is Tucson's Haj then?

The Meatrack, presumably.

[Doktor Howl]

There is no Goddess but Eris, and Tucson^TM is Her city.

Where is Tucson's Haj then?

The Meatrack, presumably.

This.  Or Hat's Game Shop, if you're too much of a Nancy for The Meatrack.

Also, to answer Nigel, the wall is the front door of the Meatrack.  You will go through it.  What happens after that is up to Eris.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

There is no Goddess but Eris, and Tucson^TM is Her city.

Where is Tucson's Haj then?

The Meatrack, presumably.

This.  Or Hat's Game Shop, if you're too much of a Nancy for The Meatrack.

Also, to answer Nigel, the wall is the front door of the Meatrack.  You will go through it.  What happens after that is up to Eris.

[Doktor Howl]

I'm thinking Christmas time, actually.  I just had a horrible notion.