Post your "American Moments" here.

[Iason Ouabache]

Today I met an 8 year old with an eating disorder that weighs only slightly more than my 3 1/2 year old. 

[Doktor Howl]

Today I met an 8 year old with an eating disorder that weighs only slightly more than my 3 1/2 year old. 

That sounds more like a Mali moment.   

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

The neighbor bitch called the cops on the kids from the street last night for shooting off bottle rockets.  MY children were the only ones she "saw" but she told them there might be others.

17 kids outside doing this and mine are the only ones she saw. 

Best part?  My kids didn't have any bottle rockets because I refused to buy them any.

[Remington]

I ordered a chickenburger with fries and a caesar salad.

Once I had gotten to the salad (which I normally quite enjoy), I was full 

[Doktor Howl]

I ordered a chickenburger with fries and a caesar salad.

You could have stopped there.

But it would be even MORE American if you had said:

I ordered a baconchickenmeatburger with sooper sized chili-cheese fries and a diet coke.

[Doktor Howl]

The neighbor bitch called the cops on the kids from the street last night for shooting off bottle rockets having/attending a good time. 

This was the moment.  The rest could have happened anywhere.

[AFK]

I didn't vote in the Maine primaries but I complained when the guy I wanted to win, didn't. 

[Remington]

Although I'm perpetually in danger of being underweight, I have often had the desire to ride a WalMart-style mobility scooter.

[Doktor Howl]

Although I'm perpetually in danger of being underweight,

Not an American, unless you happen to be a Cosmopolitan Magazine model.

[Doktor Howl]

Although I'm perpetually in danger of being underweight, I have often had the desire to ride a WalMart-style mobility scooter.

Also, I'd like to add that the very concept of a "mobility scooter" as a means of transporting morbidly obese people around makes me want to put on oil skin clothes, hoist a harpoon, and start ranting that "I would strike the sun itself, were it to insult me".

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yesterday I drove past several large free streetcorner TVs because we already have enough giant TVs in our house, but I stopped to pick up a little one because I thought my 10-year-old might want to hook up his X-Box in his room.

OK, so. This thing that goes on with TVs. Is this commonplace in other countries? Our streets are littered with perfectly functional televisions just because they are tube instead of LCD, aren't wide-screen, and don't have HDTV tuners. Big ones; I've seen some 42" TVs with a sign that says "WORKS!" sitting on curbsides.

[Cain]

Uh, I constantly find myself slipping into Spanish when I try to speak French.  It's pretty embarrasing, actually.  Dunno if it's "American", but it's typically Anglo-Saxon.

[Doktor Howl]

Yesterday I drove past several large free streetcorner TVs because we already have enough giant TVs in our house, but I stopped to pick up a little one because I thought my 10-year-old might want to hook up his X-Box in his room.

OK, so. This thing that goes on with TVs. Is this commonplace in other countries? Our streets are littered with perfectly functional televisions just because they are tube instead of LCD, aren't wide-screen, and don't have HDTV tuners. Big ones; I've seen some 42" TVs with a sign that says "WORKS!" sitting on curbsides.

It beats paying for the disposal, I guess, considering that you can't just throw them away.

And it's easier than hauling it down to Goodwill, where someone might benefit from it.

So, yeah, that's pretty fucking American.

[Doktor Howl]

Uh, I constantly find myself slipping into Spanish when I try to speak French.  It's pretty embarrasing, actually.  Dunno if it's "American", but it's typically Anglo-Saxon.

The fact that you speak more than one language disqualifies you from being an American.

The fact that you speak at least 3 languages (English, French, Spanish) bars you from entry.

Americans are forbidden to speak more Spanish than exists on the Taco Bell menu, and any French at all.  When we try, it comes out as, say, "parlayz vews frankass, monsewer?" or "hayblay aspannyol, senior?".

[Cain]

There are actually quite a few Americans here.  I haven't seen them in linguistic action so far, but it's only a matter of time.

Good thing most of the Genevese speak English.