Twilight: Eclipse is now out on DVD and you know what THAT means...

[President Television]

Download has finished.  Off to the Co-op to pick up supplies, then I shall return and heroically watch the film.

Make us proud.

[LMNO]

Make sure you have multiple tabs of TVTropes opened up.

[Cain]

Christ on a stick, I forgot how the Co-op magically turns into the 9th circle of hell an hour before closing time.  Also, the mountain's weather is sinister - I'm in the middle of a cloud, and storms are coming over the mountains to the south.  Shame this isn't a horror film, this is the perfect ambience for it.

LMNO, I only need one TV Tropes page, and that page is WANGST.

[LMNO]

You mean WANGST?

[Cain]

OK, I'm only two minutes in and I already have a "WTF?" moment.

Right, so this guy is being harassed by a vampire (presumably) moving at fast speed, knocking him into things, tripping him up etc.  And it runs in front of him and cuts his hand, and he falls to his knees, screaming.  His hand.  I thought he'd been disemboweled at first, because of the angle and the screaming, but no, it turns out this vampire is just picking on a giant, quivering pussy.

[Freeky]

 

[Cain]

He's laying on the ground, in the rain, screaming, because a superfast vampire bit his hand.  Srsly. 

The set up for potential drama was so good, as well.

[Freeky]

Wow.

Hey is this the one with babbee vampires attacking Seattle orsomething?

[Cain]

Bella: when people my age get married, it means you got knocked up.
What Edward Should Have Said: You're fucking a VAMPIRE, an UNDEAD ABOMINATION, and you care what people think?

Edit: yes, it's the one in Seattle.

[Cain]

Edward actually made a funny "doesn't he [Jacob] own a shirt?"

I think this film is shaping up to be better than the previous ones, but mainly because of the Seattle vampire killings/Cullens and werewolves forced to cooperate plot pushing most of the angst into the background, by the standards of the series anyway.

[Cain]

Ah, these must be the bad guys now on my screen.  I can tell because they are vampires, and their eyes are red, while the Cullens have golden ones (when the director remembers to tell them to put their contact lenses in - in several scenes their eye colour is entirely normal).  Colour coding for your convienience, because the audience are morons.

[Thurnez Isa]

During the beginning they have some focus on that vampire family.. the Cullens.. and guess what... that part isn't horrible.
Other then that
Jacob becomes even more of a creepy stalker.
Robert Pattinson either tries to act, or has given up on this series a long time ago.
Bella is even more of a bitch.
Still a lot of homoerotic man meat, but less then the former movie
and don't go take a piss during the epic battle cause you'll miss it.

overall. It was so boring I feel bad for people who are going to attempt to make riff tracks for it.

[the last yatto]

how would you go about it?

Wear a suit, stand outside convention with rainbow sign that says 'god hates goths'

[Cain]

Wait, that's Jasper's backstory?  Goddamnit Meyer, that is far more interesting than this tripe.  Why didn't you write a book about Jasper being a 19th century vampiric badass, apart from the fact it is too cool for you to ever do it justice?

[Suu]

The fact that he is a Civil War berserker? Yes. Very yes.