Completed quests

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Title says it all

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Feel free to repost your clown jokes in here, as inspiration for those who come behind you.

[Doktor Howl]

I was first to complete a quest? I found 25 clown jokes and aswered 5 random, fairly difficult questions.

Yeah, I made that condition up on the fly.

[Cuddlefish]

I'm not sure what the fuck is going on here, but I want in.

[Armond]

Nigel's quest was trying but, I have not tried, I have done.

1What do you call a garbageman who has married milkmen beside him?
A Communist!
2What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?
A Cancer!
3What did the black kid get for his birthday???
A Your bicycle.
4 What's the difference between trampolines and babies?
A When you jump on a trampoline you take your shoes off.
5 I'm about 4 inches long, with some hair near my end. While I'm
being used, a white, creamy substance appears on my end, and i
am forced into a dark hole and thrusted back and forth in little
circles, do you know what I am?
A I'm a toothbrush!! I know what you were thinking, you sick
person.
6 How do you get a 96 year old lady to say fuck?
A Get another one to scream bingo.
7 What has a lot of balls and fucks old ladies?
A A bingo machine.
8 How many animals can you fit into a pair of knickers?
A 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, an unknown number of hares, and a fish no one can find
9 What was the last thing going through the fly's mind when it hit the car
windshield?
A It's hind legs!
10What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
A They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
11 What's the only meat a priest will eat on Friday?
A Nun
12 A magician stays under water for 10 mins. crowds gather and watch. a boy in the crowd says to the magician, i bet you 20 dollars that i can stay under water for 30 mins. the boy wins the 20 dollars. How did he do it?
A  He held a glass of water above his head for 30 minutes.
13I'm not made
The moon has an effect on me but I never go
You can see me from almost anywhere
And I make you sick
What Am I?
A The Ocean
14What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
15 How do you make a dead baby float?
A Take your foot off of it's head.
16 Why don't more blind people go sky diving?
A It scares the shit out of the dog.
17 How do they^ know when they are close to the ground?
A The leash goes slack.
18Why did Helen Kellers dog kill itself?
A You would too if your name was "mmmppfhrrredsanfjhfeu!!!!!"
19man to god: why did you make women so beautiful?
A so that you would love her.
20man to god: then why did you make women so dumb?
A So that she would love you.
21How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
A Nail its other hand to the floor.
22Statistics show that 9 out of 10 people DO enjoy gang rape.


24Whats black and blue and doesnt want to have sex
A Rape Victim
25I once told this joke on a bus, What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A Throw your clothes in so they get a wash.
26The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit".
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
A "He choked on a sock".

Quest complete ... now wheres my cookie?

[Doktor Howl]

I sharted.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nigel's quest was trying but, I have not tried, I have done.

1What do you call a garbageman who has married milkmen beside him?
A Communist!
2What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?
A Cancer!
3What did the black kid get for his birthday???
A Your bicycle.
4 What's the difference between trampolines and babies?
A When you jump on a trampoline you take your shoes off.
5 I'm about 4 inches long, with some hair near my end. While I'm
being used, a white, creamy substance appears on my end, and i
am forced into a dark hole and thrusted back and forth in little
circles, do you know what I am?
A I'm a toothbrush!! I know what you were thinking, you sick
person.
6 How do you get a 96 year old lady to say fuck?
A Get another one to scream bingo.
7 What has a lot of balls and fucks old ladies?
A A bingo machine.
8 How many animals can you fit into a pair of knickers?
A 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, an unknown number of hares, and a fish no one can find
9 What was the last thing going through the fly's mind when it hit the car
windshield?
A It's hind legs!
10What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
A They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
11 What's the only meat a priest will eat on Friday?
A Nun
12 A magician stays under water for 10 mins. crowds gather and watch. a boy in the crowd says to the magician, i bet you 20 dollars that i can stay under water for 30 mins. the boy wins the 20 dollars. How did he do it?
A  He held a glass of water above his head for 30 minutes.
13I'm not made
The moon has an effect on me but I never go
You can see me from almost anywhere
And I make you sick
What Am I?
A The Ocean
14What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
15 How do you make a dead baby float?
A Take your foot off of it's head.
16 Why don't more blind people go sky diving?
A It scares the shit out of the dog.
17 How do they^ know when they are close to the ground?
A The leash goes slack.
18Why did Helen Kellers dog kill itself?
A You would too if your name was "mmmppfhrrredsanfjhfeu!!!!!"
19man to god: why did you make women so beautiful?
A so that you would love her.
20man to god: then why did you make women so dumb?
A So that she would love you.
21How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
A Nail its other hand to the floor.
22Statistics show that 9 out of 10 people DO enjoy gang rape.


24Whats black and blue and doesnt want to have sex
A Rape Victim
25I once told this joke on a bus, What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A Throw your clothes in so they get a wash.
26The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit".
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
A "He choked on a sock".

Quest complete ... now wheres my cookie?

WELL DONE, YOUNG ARMOND. These will be put to good use, trust me.

Now that you have completed the first quest, I present to you your second quest: I need 19 pictures of really, really adorable marsupials. They can be posted here.  Feel free to ask me any questions.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Nigel- Should I send A Villager your way?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nigel- Should I send A Villager your way?

Yes, definitely!

[Armond]

Second quest:  19 pictures of really, really adorable marsupials... Complete
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5
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9
10
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14
15
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18
19      FUCK YEAH IM A PLATYPUS
20    FUCK YEAH IM A PLATYPUS
21     FUCK YEAH IM A PLATYPUS... or not

... How many quests are required? Am I doing this purely fore your amusement?  

[Doktor Howl]

Sorry, Mario, the princess is not in this castle.

[Armond]

O wow I didn't realize how high quality those photos were!

[Adios]

I think Armond gets a dozen cookies for some of those jokes.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Weird... none of those pics are showing up for me.

You are well on your way, Armond. The materials you have provided are not merely for my own amusement, and will be put to good use.

I will PM you your next quest.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Nigel- Should I send A Villager your way?

Yes, definitely!

Both of us are at band practice right now (quick break), but I'll let her know to report to you