Dads get no fuckin credit

[AFK]

So my wife is on bed rest for awhile following her recent medical procedure.  This means RWHN is in charge of the household and taking care of the kids, etc., etc.  Normally I handle the morning routine anyway so that's not a big change.  But usually Mrs WHN handles the night time routines of bath-time and tucking in my daughter and she usually cooks dinner.

So my Mother-in-law seems to be making this assumption that I couldn't possibly pick up the slack and keep the house in order, because you know, I'm the Dad not the Mom.  She's talking about how she should keep the kids overnight every once in awhile and about how much she's going to need to be here to help out.  Initially, I tried to be very discreetly polite and point out that I'm a big boy and, afterall, I am the Dad and I can handle this myself.  She then says something about "I know you want to take on the world..."

What?  Hell no.  I'm not taking on the world, I'm taking care of my fucking family.  It's what I'm supposed to do.  I'm a pretty intelligent guy.  I'm pretty capable.  I think I can handle picking up some extra reponsibilities and chores.  This isn't the fucking 40s anymore where Hubby comes home, retires to his den, and chomps on a pipe for a few hours while Mrs. Mom runs the show.  

But I feel this speaks to a larger perception in American society.  Dads simply don't get the same respect, when it comes to domestics, that the Moms get.  Now, do not misunderstand.  I have nothing but respect for Moms.  My wife is an amazing Mom and if the situation was reversed and I was laid up, would be fucking aces taking care of the house.

But, I just don't think Dads get the same cred in this arena.  You hear a lot in the news media about single Moms and how they persevere to keep households on track.  You just don't see the same kind of coverage for the single dads.  Surely ther are some asshole Dads out there but there are Millions of us who fucking show up and do it right.  

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Maybe it's shrapnel from the housewife stereotype—housework is the woman's domain, do never try to compete...

I can't say I've caught low-expectation flavored pie with my face yet, though it's only been about a year.

[Freeky]

RWHN, you may be right about dads not getting their due, if they do actually lend a hand in the housey stuff. But from my experience, the majority either a) are cork sucking icehole deadbeat dad types or b) realize that maintaining a house is just as much work as a job and respect their partner for it.

Obviously your observation that millions of dads do it is probably accurate, given how many people there are in the world.

Fuck, don't listen to me. I'm probably babbling. Sorry that you MIL is acting that way.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Might be kinda like a what's on the news today sort of thing to tie the whole shrapnel/deadbeat perceptions together.

What makes more of a lasting impression, an alcoholic father who sits there, watches football and yells at his kids all the time, or someone picking up the slack for his sick wife?

i.e.- How many houses didn't burn down today? Whoops, never really took notice because that information isn't interesting.

[AFK]

See, I don't know that it really is a majority.  Certainly, that's what you see and hear about on Oprah and Lifetime, or the Evening News.  Stories about Good Dads don't make money or headlines.  And what happen's in Sit-Coms when the wife/mother gets sick or goes out of town for a weekend.  The house goes to shit, the kids turn into terrorists, and the Dad is sitting in the basement in his underwear, chomping on a cigar, and watching Baywatch reruns.  

I'm sure that happens more often than it should, but I'd just like to see, culturally, a more even-handed set of expectations for the Dad.  We're not all knuckle-dragging, Barney Fife buffoons who go into paralysis when presented with domestic situations.  

[Phox]

Might be kinda like a what's on the news today sort of thing to tie the whole shrapnel/deadbeat perceptions together.

What makes more of a lasting impression, an alcoholic father who sits there, watches football and yells at his kids all the time, or someone picking up the slack for his sick wife?

i.e.- How many houses didn't burn down today? Whoops, never really took notice because that information isn't interesting.

I agree with your conclusion, but I don't think your example is really an apt comparison. Houses burning or not burning is not quite the same as whether or not fathers help with housework.  I don't think the fatherly stereotypes have anything to do with "interest".

And we rarely ever hear about how many houses didn't burn, because it's the normal state of affairs. Similarly, we don't hear how many dads didn't pay child support this month in the mainstream media. Unless there is a good story to it, we don't hear about it. The media is a business. If it won't sell, it goes unreported.

ETA: damn, that was a poor word choice.

[Payne]

Standard and "accepted" gender roles yet again being shown to be largely useless in this thread. Another area where perception and reality are, if not at odds, then at least bear little resemblence to each  other.

It's not so much a shrapnel question as it is one of those unresolved skirmishes in the so-called War of the Sexes.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Tell her she's right and that you need the in-law to clean the house. Proceed to kick back and relax.

[AFK]

Standard and "accepted" gender roles yet again being shown to be largely useless in this thread. Another area where perception and reality are, if not at odds, then at least bear little resemblence to each  other.

It's not so much a shrapnel question as it is one of those unresolved skirmishes in the so-called War of the Sexes.

I think that's pretty much it.  It isn't super macho to be Mr. Mom.  Not in popular culture anyway.  I remember a particular episode of Scrubs where Turk is shitting bricks worried about his manhood because they had to buy a minivan.  Really?  Are we men supposed to be that hung up over a fucking vehicle?  Is our manhood that fragile?  My wife wanted a mini van I didn't fucking think twice.  You take the seats out of those things you can haul a lot of shit when you're not hauling your kids and groceries.  

But as the role of women has shifted, culture really hasn't seemed to adapt too well on the male end of things.  As women have moved into the workforce, moved up in the workforce, bearing more responsibilities, logically it is necessary for males to adjust and take on more domestic roles.  But pop culture has seemingly resisted that obviously necessary shift.  There is still this dichotomy between being a good husband and father and being a man.  

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Might be kinda like a what's on the news today sort of thing to tie the whole shrapnel/deadbeat perceptions together.

What makes more of a lasting impression, an alcoholic father who sits there, watches football and yells at his kids all the time, or someone picking up the slack for his sick wife?

i.e.- How many houses didn't burn down today? Whoops, never really took notice because that information isn't interesting.

I agree with your reasoning, but I don't think your example is really an apt comparison. Houses burning or not burning is not quite the same as whether or not fathers help with housework.  I don't think the fatherly stereotypes have anything to do with "interest".

And we rarely ever hear about how many houses didn't burn, because it's the normal state of affairs. Similarly, we don't hear how many dads didn't pay child support this month in the mainstream media. Unless there is a good story to it, we don't hear about it. The media is a business. If it won't sell, it goes unreported.

My point was to point out that there's really no counterbalance to the stereotype of the at best inept father. RWHN was spot on in bringing the entertainment aspect into it. Dad always fucks up somehow, even if his heart is in the right place. The only IRL example I can think of that contradicts it is my paternal grandfather, and people heap praises on him due to the unfortunate circumstances he found himself in (my grandmother contracted polio when my dad was 2, and hasn't walked since 1955). But even then, he's an irritable curmudgeon. I don't know how good of a father any one else's dad is for that sort of thing, because you don't really hear much other than yeah, he's a good dad.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Standard and "accepted" gender roles yet again being shown to be largely useless in this thread. Another area where perception and reality are, if not at odds, then at least bear little resemblence to each  other.

It's not so much a shrapnel question as it is one of those unresolved skirmishes in the so-called War of the Sexes.

I think that's pretty much it.  It isn't super macho to be Mr. Mom.  Not in popular culture anyway.  I remember a particular episode of Scrubs where Turk is shitting bricks worried about his manhood because they had to buy a minivan.  Really?  Are we men supposed to be that hung up over a fucking vehicle?  Is our manhood that fragile?  My wife wanted a mini van I didn't fucking think twice.  You take the seats out of those things you can haul a lot of shit when you're not hauling your kids and groceries.  

But as the role of women has shifted, culture really hasn't seemed to adapt too well on the male end of things.  As women have moved into the workforce, moved up in the workforce, bearing more responsibilities, logically it is necessary for males to adjust and take on more domestic roles.  But pop culture has seemingly resisted that obviously necessary shift.  There is still this dichotomy between being a good husband and father and being a man.  

Not only would I take a minivan over not having a car in the first place, but it would be very convenient for hauling amps and a drumset to a gig, which is pretty manly.

[Phox]

Might be kinda like a what's on the news today sort of thing to tie the whole shrapnel/deadbeat perceptions together.

What makes more of a lasting impression, an alcoholic father who sits there, watches football and yells at his kids all the time, or someone picking up the slack for his sick wife?

i.e.- How many houses didn't burn down today? Whoops, never really took notice because that information isn't interesting.

I agree with your reasoning, but I don't think your example is really an apt comparison. Houses burning or not burning is not quite the same as whether or not fathers help with housework.  I don't think the fatherly stereotypes have anything to do with "interest".

And we rarely ever hear about how many houses didn't burn, because it's the normal state of affairs. Similarly, we don't hear how many dads didn't pay child support this month in the mainstream media. Unless there is a good story to it, we don't hear about it. The media is a business. If it won't sell, it goes unreported.

My point was to point out that there's really no counterbalance to the stereotype of the at best inept father. RWHN was spot on in bringing the entertainment aspect into it. Dad always fucks up somehow, even if his heart is in the right place. The only IRL example I can think of that contradicts it is my paternal grandfather, and people heap praises on him due to the unfortunate circumstances he found himself in (my grandmother contracted polio when my dad was 2, and hasn't walked since 1955). But even then, he's an irritable curmudgeon. I don't know how good of a father any one else's dad is for that sort of thing, because you don't really hear much other than yeah, he's a good dad.

Yeah, I agree with your point. I just don't think comparing that concept with the media is quite accurate.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Might be kinda like a what's on the news today sort of thing to tie the whole shrapnel/deadbeat perceptions together.

What makes more of a lasting impression, an alcoholic father who sits there, watches football and yells at his kids all the time, or someone picking up the slack for his sick wife?

i.e.- How many houses didn't burn down today? Whoops, never really took notice because that information isn't interesting.

I agree with your reasoning, but I don't think your example is really an apt comparison. Houses burning or not burning is not quite the same as whether or not fathers help with housework.  I don't think the fatherly stereotypes have anything to do with "interest".

And we rarely ever hear about how many houses didn't burn, because it's the normal state of affairs. Similarly, we don't hear how many dads didn't pay child support this month in the mainstream media. Unless there is a good story to it, we don't hear about it. The media is a business. If it won't sell, it goes unreported.

My point was to point out that there's really no counterbalance to the stereotype of the at best inept father. RWHN was spot on in bringing the entertainment aspect into it. Dad always fucks up somehow, even if his heart is in the right place. The only IRL example I can think of that contradicts it is my paternal grandfather, and people heap praises on him due to the unfortunate circumstances he found himself in (my grandmother contracted polio when my dad was 2, and hasn't walked since 1955). But even then, he's an irritable curmudgeon. I don't know how good of a father any one else's dad is for that sort of thing, because you don't really hear much other than yeah, he's a good dad.

Yeah, I agree with your point. I just don't think comparing that concept with the media is quite accurate.

Entertainment is also media. The house not burning down thing, while not an all inclusive example, sums up how the topic is treated.

Also, are you on the side of good again (avatar/screen name)?

[Phox]

Might be kinda like a what's on the news today sort of thing to tie the whole shrapnel/deadbeat perceptions together.

What makes more of a lasting impression, an alcoholic father who sits there, watches football and yells at his kids all the time, or someone picking up the slack for his sick wife?

i.e.- How many houses didn't burn down today? Whoops, never really took notice because that information isn't interesting.

I agree with your reasoning, but I don't think your example is really an apt comparison. Houses burning or not burning is not quite the same as whether or not fathers help with housework.  I don't think the fatherly stereotypes have anything to do with "interest".

And we rarely ever hear about how many houses didn't burn, because it's the normal state of affairs. Similarly, we don't hear how many dads didn't pay child support this month in the mainstream media. Unless there is a good story to it, we don't hear about it. The media is a business. If it won't sell, it goes unreported.

My point was to point out that there's really no counterbalance to the stereotype of the at best inept father. RWHN was spot on in bringing the entertainment aspect into it. Dad always fucks up somehow, even if his heart is in the right place. The only IRL example I can think of that contradicts it is my paternal grandfather, and people heap praises on him due to the unfortunate circumstances he found himself in (my grandmother contracted polio when my dad was 2, and hasn't walked since 1955). But even then, he's an irritable curmudgeon. I don't know how good of a father any one else's dad is for that sort of thing, because you don't really hear much other than yeah, he's a good dad.

Yeah, I agree with your point. I just don't think comparing that concept with the media is quite accurate.

Entertainment is also media. The house not burning down thing, while not an all inclusive example, sums up how the topic is treated.

Also, are you on the side of good again (avatar/screen name)?

I suppose your are right in that regard.


Good? No, just back to Chaotic Neutral. Being evil is a lot more work than I'm willing to put into it.

[Dysnomia]

Tell her she's right and that you need the in-law to clean the house. Proceed to kick back and relax.

THIS


seriously though, stay at home dads are awesome!  You should respectfully tell her you have it all under control, before cuntpunting her from your house.