Dads get no fuckin credit

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, seriously, do I even have to point out that "laid up with a bad cold" doesn't even come vaguely close to comparing to being bedridden from surgery??? I mean, wow, come ON. Why would anyone come rushing to your wife's aid because her husband had a cold?

Seriously, this is why men have a reputation for being such babies.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Nevermind that my commentary on the status and popular perceptions of Dads in America was supported by more than this personal situation.  

It struck me as mostly being wankery, actually. "Look at me, I'm actually capable of doing my job! Why isn't everyone patting me on the back for not being an incompetent deadbeat?"

I didn't read into it like that at all. I doubt he's looking for a pat on the back.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nevermind that my commentary on the status and popular perceptions of Dads in America was supported by more than this personal situation.  

It struck me as mostly being wankery, actually. "Look at me, I'm actually capable of doing my job! Why isn't everyone patting me on the back for not being an incompetent deadbeat?"

I didn't read into it like that at all. I doubt he's looking for a pat on the back.

He seems to want more social recognition for doing what he's supposed to be doing. That would be nice, but the fault doesn't lie with the people with low expectations, it lies with the people who set those low expectations. It's going to take a long time for that to change, and one thing he seems to not be getting is that in most of the country, most dads still don't do much housework or childrearing. The mass consumers are setting those low expectations. So, good for him for living up to his responsibility... but why does he blame the people with the low expectations instead of the people who caused them to be lowered? It comes across as kind of waaah waaah babypants. Especially the bit where he diverts into how single mothers get all the credit. I mean, fuck that, dude. Single mothers are FINALLY not being reviled as the scum of the earth, is what's happening. FINALLY. And single dads, as they always have been, are treated like fucking mythical unicorn fairy heroes.

[AFK]

Can I interest you in some salve for that chip on your shoulder? 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Can I interest you in some salve for that chip on your shoulder? 

You're the one who's pissed off because your mother-in-law offered to help.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Nevermind that my commentary on the status and popular perceptions of Dads in America was supported by more than this personal situation.  

It struck me as mostly being wankery, actually. "Look at me, I'm actually capable of doing my job! Why isn't everyone patting me on the back for not being an incompetent deadbeat?"

I didn't read into it like that at all. I doubt he's looking for a pat on the back.

He seems to want more social recognition for doing what he's supposed to be doing. That would be nice, but the fault doesn't lie with the people with low expectations, it lies with the people who set those low expectations. It's going to take a long time for that to change, and one thing he seems to not be getting is that in most of the country, most dads still don't do much housework or childrearing. The mass consumers are setting those low expectations. So, good for him for living up to his responsibility... but why does he blame the people with the low expectations instead of the people who caused them to be lowered? It comes across as kind of waaah waaah babypants. Especially the bit where he diverts into how single mothers get all the credit. I mean, fuck that, dude. Single mothers are FINALLY not being reviled as the scum of the earth, is what's happening. FINALLY. And single dads, as they always have been, are treated like fucking mythical unicorn fairy heroes.

I think the difference is that his mother in law also has low expectations specifically off him, without any reason, and should know better. This is symptomatic of a larger problem in perception. There's nothing "waaah waaah babypants" about it.

Again he's not looking for a pat on the back or social recognition. He's rightfully expecting that he should be seen as handling this situation capably. He's looking to not have his mother in law butt in where she's not needed based on a stereotype.

[AFK]

Also, seriously, do I even have to point out that "laid up with a bad cold" doesn't even come vaguely close to comparing to being bedridden from surgery??? I mean, wow, come ON. Why would anyone come rushing to your wife's aid because her husband had a cold?

Seriously, this is why men have a reputation for being such babies.

You're missing the fucking point.  I'm not saying anyone should come rushing to my wife's aid when I have a cold.  She is perfectly capable, obviously, which I clearly pointed out in earlier posts.  The point is that my mother-in-law obviously believes that I inherently have a harder road to travel when my wife is out of comission.  My observation is that fathers, in my experience, are seen to have a handicap when it comes to taking the helm when it comes to managing the household.  

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, seriously, do I even have to point out that "laid up with a bad cold" doesn't even come vaguely close to comparing to being bedridden from surgery??? I mean, wow, come ON. Why would anyone come rushing to your wife's aid because her husband had a cold?

Seriously, this is why men have a reputation for being such babies.

You're missing the fucking point.  I'm not saying anyone should come rushing to my wife's aid when I have a cold.  She is perfectly capable, obviously, which I clearly pointed out in earlier posts.  The point is that my mother-in-law obviously believes that I inherently have a harder road to travel when my wife is out of comission.  My observation is that fathers, in my experience, are seen to have a handicap when it comes to taking the helm when it comes to managing the household.  

No, I think I see your point, and my point is that the reason fathers are typically viewed as having a handicap is because most of them act like they do. Maybe I'm just being a dick, in which case I apologize, but in my opinion you are attacking the problem at the wrong end. Instead of demanding that people have higher expectations of fathers, you might be able to raise those expectations by demanding that fathers do a better job of upholding their domestic responsibilities.

Your righteous indignation over people's low expectations is just rubbing me the wrong way, because it ignores the completely valid reasons for those low expectations.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, you are still using your cold as the basis for your assumption that she would not offer to help your wife were the situation reversed. You might be right, but there is no comparing the two situations. "I have a bad cold" doesn't touch "I had surgery" for triggering people's nurture buttons. Has she ever offered to come help you out when your wife had a cold?

For that matter, has your wife ever been bedridden with a cold?

[AFK]

No, I think I see your point, and my point is that the reason fathers are typically viewed as having a handicap is because most of them act like they do. Maybe I'm just being a dick, in which case I apologize, but in my opinion you are attacking the problem at the wrong end. Instead of demanding that people have higher expectations of fathers, you might be able to raise those expectations by demanding that fathers do a better job of upholding their domestic responsibilities.

Your righteous indignation over people's low expectations is just rubbing me the wrong way, because it ignores the completely valid reasons for those low expectations.

Well, you are being a dick, but I don't give a fuck because the point of this thread wasn't to get a pat on the back or kudos.  I take care of my family because I love my family, not because I'm looking for a fucking medal.  The point of this thread was to simply point out that while there are some asshat, fuck up fathers, there are plenty like me who do a good job and who are perfectly capable.  We're not all Everybody Loves Raymond or According to Jim like fathers.  We aren't all fathers who need the wife to hold our hands while we navigate domesticania. 

Obviously those who have deficits should not be ignored and those problems addressed.  But it is unfair, and just as importantly, inaccurate, to laminate their failures upon the rest of us. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

You are right. It is a terrible injustice, and I apologize for my scorn.

[E.O.T.]

RWHN

          i am so totally there

NIGEL

          s.t.f.u.

[Payne]

I was also about to note something similar- perhaps your mother in law is just concerned for the overall happiness of her grandkiddys (I know how grand parents are, often worse than parents) and her daughter, without any thought really of the broader implications of her offer of help.

Your response was exactly correct though. It said "I can and will do this" without any hint of "Ofuk, I am  man and know not how household is formed. BUT I MUST PREVAIL!"

I would agree if she ceased to offer said help after my first declaration to her that I was perfectly capable of taking care of my family.  But the offers kept coming.  Actually it was less "offering" and more insisting. 

Yeah. I was thinking that even though it would be clear to most everyone else that you were capable after the first offer was politely refused, that she as a grandmother and mother was still coming from that place as she made subsequent offers.

Everyone wants to feel useful, and I'm thinking she doesn't entirely understand that you want and need to do this on your own.

[Cramulus]

Nevermind that my commentary on the status and popular perceptions of Dads in America was supported by more than this personal situation.  

It struck me as mostly being wankery, actually. "Look at me, I'm actually capable of doing my job! Why isn't everyone patting me on the back for not being an incompetent deadbeat?"

wow, harsh

[Adios]

Nevermind that my commentary on the status and popular perceptions of Dads in America was supported by more than this personal situation.  

It struck me as mostly being wankery, actually. "Look at me, I'm actually capable of doing my job! Why isn't everyone patting me on the back for not being an incompetent deadbeat?"

Odd, I didn't get that at all.

What I got was STFU and let me do my job.