A proclamation unto Massholes

[Suu]

I understand that none of you seem to be happy that Deval Patrick was elected for another term, and that your sales tax was not cut in half (which I thought was a stupid idea anyway. Shame on you for voting for it.)

So, right now, I am offering a "Join the Principality for Free"* special. That's right, gain your Rhode Island citizenship and flee your Puritan commonwealth to live within the boundaries of the scenic Providence Plantations! Original home to religious freedom (except to Scientologists), flag and ship burning, and the true first shot of the American Revolution!

Join me, and solidify my borders as you are welcomed into the bosom of my sovereignty! Break free of bottle and can deposits and actually have your roads repaired next year!

With arms raised, we will march on Connecticut together! So that they may be able to sell liquor on Sundays!

Who's with me?!

*Offer based on credit. Actual fees range from 3.5-15% of gross income. 7% sales tax applies on almost everything. Deal with it.

[Suu]

could you wave the except to Scientologists bit?

Scientology is not a recognized religion in the state of RI. They aren't allowed to even set up a mission here.

[Richter]

Join this state or Dimo will eat you.

[Suu]

Join this state or Dimo will eat you.

He will. I've seen him do it. Richter learned...Richter has left Massachusetts and now squats lives in RI.

[Richter]

No bad oral zex jokes either.  He opened his mouth up until his jaw was nearly touchign the floor, and slammed his head down over this zombie painted juggalo who was giving him shit, and swallowed.  It was like watching an anaconda shotgun a whole keg of beer.  Didn't even CHEW.  He made some comment about it tasting like "lucky charms", raised the mic back to his face, and ketp jumping around singing like nothing happened. 

I had to ask him later.  I mean, I being at one of his shows, and just feeling like part of one big freindly, violent crowd.  Jsut go along with the flow, and no worries, I feel like an outsider being appauled or having to ask about shit like that.  When a whole person jsut vanishes in front of you though, consumed by soem tiny titan of punk rock, I jsut had to check in with teh dude to see what that was about.

"It's cool." he said, like it was a plate of cheese fried he slew, "I got a fast metabolism."  Then the guitar palyer jumped up and threw him ina  ehadlock, and they were off again, roughousing across the floor.

[Richter]

Join this state or Dimo will eat you.

He will. I've seen him do it. Richter learned...Richter has left Massachusetts and now squats lives in RI.

Didn't I get here before you? 

Anywho,this place needs me.  I AM Providence now.

[Cuddlefish]

Hey, so I'm a hungry dude...

A reminder to any Massholes looking to colonize RI: West Warwick, Southern Cranston and parts of Coventry are my jurisdiction, so if you don't wanna be dinner, just make sure you taste bad, or come with gifts. Gifts of lol cheese.

[Suu]

Join this state or Dimo will eat you.

He will. I've seen him do it. Richter learned...Richter has left Massachusetts and now squats lives in RI.

Didn't I get here before you? 

Anywho,this place needs me.  I AM Providence now.

Remember, my name is still on the lease. It will only take a small army and large dumpster to clear out the Monastery and take it back in the name of the Dolphin.

[Triple Zero]

wow I was hoping you could lure them in with a cheap thetan tax or something, then overwhelm them, so's I could have all their e-meters. to make a giant e-meter out of daisychained e-meters. 

Cool fact though.

If you'd manage to acquire a thousand of them, you could even make an e-kilometer!!

[Richter]

Join this state or Dimo will eat you.

He will. I've seen him do it. Richter learned...Richter has left Massachusetts and now squats lives in RI.

Didn't I get here before you? 

Anywho,this place needs me.  I AM Providence now.

Remember, my name is still on the lease. It will only take a small army and large dumpster to clear out the Monastery and take it back in the name of the Dolphin.

I know half that army, and can vanish just as fast.  When it comes to moving the Richterran maintenance and fabrication yards, I've become VERY good at changing locales.  

[Suu]

Join this state or Dimo will eat you.

He will. I've seen him do it. Richter learned...Richter has left Massachusetts and now squats lives in RI.

Didn't I get here before you? 

Anywho,this place needs me.  I AM Providence now.

Remember, my name is still on the lease. It will only take a small army and large dumpster to clear out the Monastery and take it back in the name of the Dolphin.

I know half that army, and can vanish just as fast.  When it comes to moving the Richterran maintenance and fabrication yards, I've become VERY good at changing locales.  

Very well, but the cats stay. Don't even try it.


...I'm still thinking the large dumpster may be a good idea.

[Richter]

More like two dumpsters, or a well timed add on craigslist.  That place is a clutter singularity.

[Suu]

More like two dumpsters, or a well timed add on craigslist.  That place is a clutter singularity.

I'll tell you what...We put an add on Craigslist that says "everything is house is free", you lock your door and we have Nurse East do the same, I take the pots and pans...We don't tell Herbert.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

To the Principality:

I must decline your generous offer. I like our sales tax and find nothing particularly bad about Governor Patrick, since he is an improvement still over the long line of Republican ship-jumpers, other than he does not recognize my claims to the Barony of Roxbury (which comprises Roxbury proper, West Roxbury, Jamaica Plain, Hyde Park and Roslindale. Not too happy about the Roxbury proper part, but it was a package deal). Further, our Puritanical tradition, while honorable, is greatly overstated as evidenced by our happily divorced homosexuals smoking cannabis in public areas, and our generosity in allowing Italians to venture out of the North End without visas. We're still iffy about that last one, but we don't want them spitting in our canolis when we visit their fish-fetid ghetto.

I will, however, gladly join you in a march on Connecticut, not to free them to buy beer on Sunday, but rather for the glee of burning and pillaging Connecticut to the ground. They seem to refuse to slow their SUVs for fuzzy mammals of any sort and their amount of roadkill on I-95 offends me.

[Richter]

More like two dumpsters, or a well timed add on craigslist.  That place is a clutter singularity.

I'll tell you what...We put an add on Craigslist that says "everything is house is free", you lock your door and we have Nurse East do the same, I take the pots and pans...We don't tell Herbert.

Someone will take the doorknob, and access the rooms in the proess.  Maybe a pile outside, expeditied removal via front window?  If we give the landlord a cut, and clear the rest to said dumspters, we'll get no complaints.