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ITT: Original Sex Toys

Started by Cramulus, November 10, 2010, 06:40:41 PM

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Cramulus

Quote from: Eve on November 10, 2010, 07:05:51 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on November 10, 2010, 07:03:14 PM
BUTT STICK

no! it's not what you think!

it's lipstick for your sphincter!


VERY MARKETABLE. Does it come in a range of colors? Super glossy? Taste good?

it comes in both chapstick and mexican flavors

Sir Squid Diddimus


AFK

Quote from: Cramulus on November 10, 2010, 07:04:54 PM
which leads me to:

press on fingernails

designed for genitals!


Certainly puts a whole different spin on "getting nailed"
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Salty

I'd like to see some practical sex toys.

Nipple clamps that will also jump your car battery.
Anal beads that, when thrown, create a smokescreen.
Cock-rings that you can use as an emergency whistle.

A fleshlight cocktail shaker. Seems like this one should exist already.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Cramulus



it's a hazmat suit


that's it.





(cramulus talks to somebody off camera)

Not enough? Okay.



It's a hazmat suit filled with ants.

So you're obviously not going to be able to have sex with anybody because of the suit and the ants, so basically you just go into some kind of toxic hot-zone and dry hump. The extreme discomfort caused by the ants will cause you and your lover to writhe in extremely erotic ways.





fucking million dollar idea right there. I should patent this shit before one of you hairy palmed jizzwits steals it.

Cuddlefish

seX-Box 360 - This home gaming console comes with a set of motion sensing undergarment controllers with multiple vibration functions. Play against the AI, or go PVP on seX-Box Live for some real-life simuated human contact!
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

Cramulus

how about a dildo shaped like a bust of abraham lincoln -- including his signature stovepipe hat

Cramulus

#22
it could be called "The Great Emancipator"




edit: or the "Romancipation Pricklomation"

Salty

The Steamer™

It's a buttplug that releases a steady flow of steam into your ass to freshen it and keep it nice and warm while you wait between brutal poundings. Comes with flavor packets: vanilla, strawberry and chocolate*.

*Chocolate recalled for undisclosed reasons.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Choptop

Quote from: Cramulus on November 10, 2010, 06:46:14 PM
okay okay okay okay

this one is classy

it's a vibrating champagne bottle

you jam it into your lover (any orifice will do), then flip the switch and it begins to vibrate. As he/she approaches climax, you twist a little knob and the cork pops off at 65 km per hour. Instantly, everybody is soaking wet.




Prototype.
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live." - Charles Bukowski
"I've seen so many good people in my life that I've almost lost my faith in the wickedness of humankind." - Will Durant
"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." - H. P. Lovecraft

LMNO

Quote from: Cuddlefist on November 10, 2010, 07:15:59 PM
seX-Box 360 - This home gaming console comes with a set of motion sensing undergarment controllers with multiple vibration functions. Play against the AI, or go PVP on seX-Box Live for some real-life simuated human contact!

"PRESS A!  PRESS A!"

Cramulus


Cramulus

a bungee cord with a hammer on one end

Cramulus

"Naughty Cupid" costume


includes:


  • wings
  • toga
  • bow
  • suction cup arrows
  • mask
  • 100 feet of nylon rope
  • switchblade
  • white unmarked van with tinted windows

Cramulus

One of those "test your strength" things you see at a carnival, except you hit it with your cock




also: one of those machines that can flatten a penny



no modifications or anything, it's hot as fuck already