Slightly Used Tacos, $.50 Per Scoop.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

The boyfriend and I tried a new (to me) Taco Bell after work yesterday. After we went to the clusterfuck that is his bank and I didn't get us thrown out by making comments on the ratio of customers vs. tellers or ethnicity vs. security (not in an effort to be smart, just to be funny but apparently my 'humor' means 'things that will get us shot' to him) . . . tacos were my reward.

So we ate tacos. And by the time we got home . . . my guts were churning. I got as far as squatting with my pants down before I desecrated the toilet and gave a new meaning to the phrase 'backscatter'. Seriously. My ass was a torpedo launcher and between the time it started firing and my ass actually hit the toilet seat, there were so many splashes that my ass and the toilet were covered.

I cleaned it up and told the boyfriend about it. He said "Now you know what it's like to have IBS, welcome to my world."

I now know why he has bought stock in baby-wipes and why the idea of anal sex is repugnant to him.

Please allow me to extend my sympathies to everyone with IBS and oh man, I am so, so sorry about all those jokes.

[Disco Pickle]

I don't even know where to begin with this.

ethnicity vs. security

this was the first thing I didn't understand.

I understood the rest but it hurt to read.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  Gross.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Bank of America - the more brown people there are, the more cops appear. It might have been a coincidence, I'm not in there enough to have a valid sampling, but it was highly entertaining at the time.

Also, the part where it continues in to today and I think I've been poisoned got chopped off the OP. So far I have made it to the toilet, but it feels like I am vomiting out my asshole.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This is what happens when you eat at Taco Bell, I'm telling you.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

...it makes Bank of America racist.

[bds]

NICE!

[Don Coyote]

This is what happens when you eat at Taco Bell, I'm telling you.

I have never had a problem with Taco Bell like this.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

I can't stop laughing
I mean this is what happens when I eat fried chicken sometimes, but you know...

it's still funny 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

This is what happens when you eat at Taco Bell, I'm telling you.

I have never had a problem with Taco Bell like this.

How do you know? Do you regularly visit BoA in close proximity to eating at Taco Bell?

[Don Coyote]

This is what happens when you eat at Taco Bell, I'm telling you.

I have never had a problem with Taco Bell like this.

How do you know? Do you regularly visit BoA in close proximity to eating at Taco Bell?

maybe that is it. BoA X TB = assplosions

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I think the tape worms I picked up at the new Taco Bell are warring with the botulism I got at my normal Taco Bell. There's some sort of twisted intestinal tango going on.

Bank of America was ridiculous. There were two lines for the drive-through banking option and both of them wrapped around the bank itself and out onto the highway. Georgians do not know how to drive. And then when we got IN the bank it was just god damn ridiculous.

I'm stuffing myself with pizza to see what happens.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

What happened was that my bowels were fine but I had a series of really disturbing dreams.

Amazon didn't sell books. And my mom had a penis. She was prancing around naked, telling me it wasn't the end of the world that there were no more books in the world . . . and waggling her penis around.

No more pizza before bed. No more tacos. :'(

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The boyfriend and I tried a new (to me) Taco Bell after work yesterday. After we went to the clusterfuck that is his bank and I didn't get us thrown out by making comments on the ratio of customers vs. tellers or ethnicity vs. security (not in an effort to be smart, just to be funny but apparently my 'humor' means 'things that will get us shot' to him) . . . tacos were my reward.

So we ate tacos. And by the time we got home . . . my guts were churning. I got as far as squatting with my pants down before I desecrated the toilet and gave a new meaning to the phrase 'backscatter'. Seriously. My ass was a torpedo launcher and between the time it started firing and my ass actually hit the toilet seat, there were so many splashes that my ass and the toilet were covered.

I cleaned it up and told the boyfriend about it. He said "Now you know what it's like to have IBS, welcome to my world."

I now know why he has bought stock in baby-wipes and why the idea of anal sex is repugnant to him.

Please allow me to extend my sympathies to everyone with IBS and oh man, I am so, so sorry about all those jokes.

Silence for the first 10 seconds or so, but then the powerful, thunderous farts start.  The volume of these rat-a-tat farts is incredible, along the lines of elk antlers clashing or a large tree cracking as it is felled.  There are rumors (unconfirmed) that local police have recorded these airbeefs at 103db.  Of course splattering sounds accompany these inhuman shit/air rumblings, and occasional a large volume of water/shit is heard to be splashed out on the floor.  The end of the BM is usually about a 45-second high pitch whiner fart, followed by 4 or 5 successive powershit deposits.  If you could put shit in those T-shirt cannons they use at sports arenas, and then shoot the shit into water at close range, then you could reproduce these splash sounds.  BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.  You actually feel bad for the toilet after this.  All the while ECH sings Opera in response to exceptionally disgusting discharges.  The end of the experience is a muffled rubbing sound as ECH wipes with bath towels, and the occasional slapping sound as he swats the soiled towels against the bathroom wall, creating messes that populate seafaring lore regarding nightmare galley experiences.

[East Coast Hustle]

After all, I am an artiste.