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Merry Fucking Christmas. Fuck, it's OVER. Shut up. I hate you all.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, December 27, 2010, 06:10:33 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

December 27, 2010, 06:10:33 PM
Baba Yaga brought me a wireless router and a big fat sack of hate.

I was unfortunate enough to to ill on Christmas Eve, which also happened to be the day my cable was hooked up.  Because we had the monkey last week, I found myself watching every claymation/animation Christmas special ever fucking made.  All one of them.  Yep, one.

You see, EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS STORY told via animation or claymation has THE EXACT SAME PLOT.  Something happens, and Santa finds himself saying "I guess we'll have to cancel Christmas".  Doesn't matter what the fuck it was.  Mrs Claus has a hangnail, I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS.

He's a lazy fuck.  I know pot-heads that do more work than that fat, lazy bastard.  He has to work ONE DAY A YEAR, and then he's looking for reasons to NOT FUCKING DO IT.  It's always left to some little kid or random animal and his whacky magickal elf friends to SAVE CHRISTMAS by MAKING THE FAT BASTARD DO HIS JOB.

Well, I have bad news for you, kiddies.  That ISN'T how you save things.  A 7 year old or a Goddamn mutant deer with a bioluminescent nose isn't going to do SHIT.  If Santa isn't under stall speed, he's outflying the light from that nose, or he's being Goddamn blinded by the glare reflecting back off of the storm.

So what REALLY happened is that Santa and the whole crew impacted on the side of a mountain near Denver, and his dessicated corpse is buried over the treeline.  That's why Santa never gets you that flamethrower you asked for, and instead brings you socks, etc.  Because Santa is DEAD, and your parents are covering for him...If you're LUCKY.  If you're unlucky, Baba Yaga has your area covered.  If you're REALLY unlucky, then it's something you haven't even had nightmares about yet.

To hell with it.  It's not like the world is going to miss the lazy old pot head (Ever see Santa and Jerry Garcia in the same room?  Yeah, neither have I.), right?  Fuck, no.  Baba Yaga has things in hand, and now we'll see how naughty kids NEED to be treated.

They're still playing Christmas-y commercials on the fucking radio.

Goddammit, how I hate you all.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#1
December 27, 2010, 06:14:27 PM
:mittens:

Bebek Sincap Ratatosk

#2
December 27, 2010, 06:21:14 PM
 :lulz:
- I don't see race. I just see cars going around in a circle.

"Back in my day, crazy meant something. Now everyone is crazy" - Charlie Manson

Adios

#3
December 27, 2010, 06:25:53 PM
CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT FOOTBALL AND THE NFL FORCED ME TO WATCH 2 LOUSY TEAMS WHO ACTUALLY MADE INEPTNESS INTO A CLOSE AND INTERESTING GAME.

DAMN YOU BABA YAGA!  :argh!:

Sister Fracture

#4
December 27, 2010, 06:30:21 PM
 :lol:
Roaring Berserkery Bunny of the North End™

A Tucsonite is like a Christian in several important ways.  For one thing, they believe what they say about their god in the most literal, straightfaced way possible.  For another, they both know their god can hear them.  The difference between the two, however, is quite vast in terms of their relationship with their god; Christians believe in His benevolence, but Tucsonites KNOW of The City's spite and hate.

Cuddlefish

#5
December 27, 2010, 06:35:18 PM
 :mittens:
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

the last yatto

#6
December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula
Look, asshole:  Your 'incomprehensible' act, your word-salad, your pinealism...It BORES ME.  I've been incomprehensible for so long, I TEACH IT TO MBA CANDIDATES.  So if you simply MUST talk about your pineal gland or happy children dancing in the wildflowers, go talk to Roger, because he digs that kind of shit

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula

Is that claymation or animation?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cuddlefish

#8
December 27, 2010, 06:43:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula

Is that claymation or animation?

clanimation
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
December 27, 2010, 06:53:03 PM
Quote from: Cuddlethulu on December 27, 2010, 06:43:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula

Is that claymation or animation?

clanimation

I think you mean "Klanimation", that's the one where the Jews use the mud peoples to shut down Santa's shop with union organizers and I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS.

Luckily, the day is saved by a plucky young Aryan girl who talks some sense into the elves, but unfortunately winds up doing Black-on-Blond porn on Redtube 8 years later, and is kicked to death by her vengeful kinfolk.

Which isn't, mind you, an honor killing, because that's what Islamofascists do.  It was a purity-beating.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cuddlefish

#11
December 27, 2010, 07:31:31 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:53:03 PM
Quote from: Cuddlethulu on December 27, 2010, 06:43:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula

Is that claymation or animation?

clanimation

I think you mean "Klanimation", that's the one where the Jews use the mud peoples to shut down Santa's shop with union organizers and I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS.

Luckily, the day is saved by a plucky young Aryan girl who talks some sense into the elves, but unfortunately winds up doing Black-on-Blond porn on Redtube 8 years later, and is kicked to death by her vengeful kinfolk.

Which isn't, mind you, an honor killing, because that's what Islamofascists do.  It was a purity-beating.

:lulz: :lulz:
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

Jenne

#12
December 27, 2010, 07:37:19 PM
Baba Yaga first FRIED my router (ok, GATEWAY) on Christmas Eve (leaving my house cold and silent for the first time in a long time) and then brought us a new one Christmas Day.  It was an awesome 36 hours without internet and cable TV.  I think Santa's laziness taught me a deep lesson, that work can wait, that TV is shit and the interbutts just the lazy way out of leaving those stacks of books silently collecting dust before I finally decide to tear into them for once and all.

But I'm that much happier to be able to work again, to be able to bug PD with my own awesome intellectual laziness, and the promise of a new year to fuck up makes me wonder what Baba Yaga will bring next year...

the last yatto

#13
December 27, 2010, 07:46:01 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula

Is that claymation or animation?

Animation, and starts out with the kid almost shooting his eye out
Look, asshole:  Your 'incomprehensible' act, your word-salad, your pinealism...It BORES ME.  I've been incomprehensible for so long, I TEACH IT TO MBA CANDIDATES.  So if you simply MUST talk about your pineal gland or happy children dancing in the wildflowers, go talk to Roger, because he digs that kind of shit

The Good Reverend Roger

#14
December 27, 2010, 07:47:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 07:46:01 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 27, 2010, 06:42:22 PM
Quote from: Able on December 27, 2010, 06:38:39 PM
The lastest American Dad Christmas special does not follow this formula

Is that claymation or animation?

Animation, and starts out with the kid almost shooting his eye out

Not animation.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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