Magic: Who thinks they can do it, and why otherwise intelligent people buy it.

[Cramulus]

A YEAR AND A DAY LATER


BUMP

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

This is why I come to this forum.

Now Im going to spend the entire night reading an ancient lulzy thread.
I think I know how this is going to go: Roger insults magik, a bunch of people put on their wizard robes and hats while getting extremely butthurt.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This is why I come to this forum.

Now Im going to spend the entire night reading an ancient lulzy thread.
I think I know how this is going to go: Roger insults magik, a bunch of people put on their wizard robes and hats while getting extremely butthurt.

I am nothing if not consistent.   

[Don Coyote]

This is why I come to this forum.

Now Im going to spend the entire night reading an ancient lulzy thread.
I think I know how this is going to go: Roger insults magik, a bunch of people put on their wizard robes and hats while getting extremely butthurt.

And any time anyone other than Roger insults magic, they get butthurt AND say the OP is copying someone else.

[Faust]

This is why I come to this forum.

Now Im going to spend the entire night reading an ancient lulzy thread.
I think I know how this is going to go: Roger insults magik, a bunch of people put on their wizard robes and hats while getting extremely butthurt.

And any time anyone other than Roger insults magic, they get butthurt AND say the OP is copying someone else.

No, this has been going on since before roger, this isn't the first thread either. Cram cold dig deeper still, find one yet another year back.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This is why I come to this forum.

Now Im going to spend the entire night reading an ancient lulzy thread.
I think I know how this is going to go: Roger insults magik, a bunch of people put on their wizard robes and hats while getting extremely butthurt.

And any time anyone other than Roger insults magic, they get butthurt AND say the OP is copying someone else.

No, this has been going on since before roger, this isn't the first thread either. Cram cold dig deeper still, find one yet another year back.

There was only 3 months before me, and nobody talked about much of anything.

I am the Alpha and the Omega.  My poop is the primordial ooze from which the world was formed, and my fossilized poop will be here when we're all gone.

[Faust]

This is why I come to this forum.

Now Im going to spend the entire night reading an ancient lulzy thread.
I think I know how this is going to go: Roger insults magik, a bunch of people put on their wizard robes and hats while getting extremely butthurt.

And any time anyone other than Roger insults magic, they get butthurt AND say the OP is copying someone else.

No, this has been going on since before roger, this isn't the first thread either. Cram cold dig deeper still, find one yet another year back.

There was only 3 months before me, and nobody talked about much of anything.

I am the Alpha and the Omega.  My poop is the primordial ooze from which the world was formed, and my fossilized poop will be here when we're all gone.

Typo, before this thread. I recall this argument when I first registered and even then I don't think it was the first time it had cropped up.

[Precious Moments Zalgo]

Here's my experience with magic.

I have a terrible memory.  I'm always forgetting things I'm supposed to do.  I'll forget entire conversations I had a day ago.  I decided to experiment with magic to fix this problem.

Knowing what I know about how magic really works, I know that I can just make up deities, rituals, etc. on the spot as I need them, and they will work just as well as anything I read about in any ancient grimoire.  So I made up a deity and called him Memnos, the God of not forgetting shit my wife told me to do, and then I made up an invocation ritual.

Say I have a thing X that I don't want to forget.  I say (not out loud, just in my head), "Lord Memnos, I need to remember X.  Please help me to remember X.  Don't let me forget X.  Amen."  During the ritual, while I am repeating the thing I want to remember, I'm also visualizing myself doing the thing I want to remember.

I tried this several times and so far my success rate is 100%.

If I need to remember multiple things at the same time, I have an advanced, more powerful ritual that involves taking the items I want to remember and writing them down on a list.  I call it a magic memory scroll.

Some of you haters might be thinking, "Hey dipshit, you ever wonder if all that repetition and visualization and list making might be what's helping you to remember, and not some 'deity' you just fucking made up?"

Of course it is, but that's all magic is.  Is it stupid?  You bet, but it was just an experiment.  I'm sure I could just do the visualization, repetition, and list writing, and skip all the hocus pocus, and get the same result.

[LMNO]

At first, I was all 

But then, I was like 

[Cramulus]

Confession time:

Here's a "charisma spell" I still use.

LOL - not really. I created it when I was still into occulty things, but I find it useful to this day even though I'm not in that head space anymore. Even then, I called it a "mental trick", a "form of self-hypnosis" -- not a "spell" or whatever. Nothing occult about it.


If I have to be extremely glib, like at a job interview or a presentation or something, I spend a few minutes getting myself ready.

First, I rehearse, out loud, all the shit I might accidentally say. Stuff that just sneaks out like the word Um or Like. I stammer, I make false starts, I mispronounce things, I correct myself... basically I am rehearsing the worst case scenario for the talk. While I'm doing this, I'm visualizing a film forming on the surface of my tongue. It's like a layer of grossness created by my uncertainty. I can actually feel it there, this grossness inside my mouth.

Then, when I'm ready, I spit, I rinse out my mouth, and I wash my hands.

It always leaves me feeling glib and sharp. Every time.



IT'S MAAAAAAGIC

[Jenne]

  My magic memory scrolls just do NOT work.  Neither do the apps on my iPhone that perform this wizardry for me.  I STILL forget to motherfucking LOOK.  It has to bash me over the head and say BREAD, BITCH--BUY SOME BREAD!

Sometimes the ACT of making the list helps me remember what to buy, but damn if I don't forget the damned thing at home or to look at the damned app that has all the lovely items typed out on it.

[Jenne]

An effort to classify the various types of people who believe in - or profess to believe in - "magick".

1.  Fat smelly pagan women (FSPW).  The thing to remember here is that there is no reason FSPW are the way they are...they spontaneously generate in the cracks of smelly old couches, and they cannot change.  They think of themselves as "Earth Mothers", etc, or even "crones", and will wheeze endlessly about the Goddess they're "working with" this week.

2.  Weedy guys who want to fuck FSPW.  Nobody knows WHY they do, because any gratification they would receive must surely be offset by the horrible necessity of picking 6" pubic hairs out of your teeth afterward.  Scientists don't know WHY they do what they do, they just know they do it.

There's a song by this comedian named Allison Somethingorother (I forget, ok?).  She sings this song where she explains why fat girls, high girls and homeless girls give great head..."because they're hungry."

It's quite funny.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I agree with these comments... The labels don't matter, the 'ritual' might

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I make magic with my arse.

The ritual involves Indian food.

[Sister Fracture]

I make magic with my arse.

The ritual involves Indian food.

Your ritual may begin tomorrow, depending on what I find for ingredients.