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Author Topic: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.  (Read 54397 times)

East Coast Hustle

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ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« on: January 15, 2010, 04:53:44 am »
Brand: Four Loko

Flavor: "Loko Uva"

Booze: 12%

Serving Size: 23.5 oz.

Stimulants: Taurine, Guarana, Caffeine

Other Known Ingredients: Artificial Flavor, FD&C Red #40, FD&C Blue #1

Tastes Like: A mix of grape soda and paint thinner

Verdict: Barely tolerable, as long as you're thirsty and it's kept ICE cold. Will probably drink again someday.

Rating (out of ten points): 3
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Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

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East Coast Hustle

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2010, 05:02:50 am »
Brand: Joose

Flavor: "Jungle Joose"

Booze: 9.9%

Serving Size: 23.5 oz.

Stimulants: Taurine, Ginseng, Caffeine

Other Known Ingredients: Certified Color, FD&C Yellow #5

Tastes Like: Equal parts Sweet 'n' Low, buttered popcorn, and burnt clutch.

Verdict: Hutus wouldn't have made Tutsis drink this stuff during the Rwandan genocide. If I were Haitian, drinking this would be the worst thing that happened to me this week. Would only purchase again for use as an insecticide.

Rating: Zero. As in, zero redeeming qualities. And zero chance I will ever drink it again.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2010, 05:04:22 am by Emerald City Hustle »
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Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2010, 05:04:19 am »
That sounds ghastly!
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“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

Jasper

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2010, 05:07:04 am »
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East Coast Hustle

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2010, 05:10:27 am »
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on January 15, 2010, 05:04:19 am
That sounds ghastly!


I take these risks so you won't have to.
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Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2010, 05:11:28 am »
Keep up the good work, soldier!
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“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

East Coast Hustle

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2010, 05:21:50 am »
the Joose looks like this:



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Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2010, 05:25:02 am »
 :x Fucking hell, why would they make it that color?
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“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

Sir Squid Diddimus

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2010, 06:11:33 am »
WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH!!
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Triple Zero

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2010, 10:31:48 am »
Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on January 15, 2010, 05:02:50 am
If I were Haitian, drinking this would be the worst thing that happened to me this week.

:spittake:
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e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

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East Coast Hustle

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2010, 05:47:41 pm »
I'm headed up to Seattle for the weekend, so I will probably have several more reviews ready when I get back.
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Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

maphdet

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2010, 06:49:13 pm »
Try one of these:



 :lulz:


Will wait for your review.
:)
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Suu

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2010, 07:51:06 pm »
They don't make them anymore. They officially discontinued production of Sparks in late 2008 I believe.
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Jenne

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2010, 09:40:14 pm »
...curious...we still get Sparks here in SD...
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Sir Squid Diddimus

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Re: ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2010, 05:40:51 am »
They still sell those here too.

Also something called "tilt".  There's one of these in my fridge. Someone left it there. I don't wanna drink.
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