BritSpags, Explain your fucked up language

[Jean-Lustine d'Hadamard]

Rah rah rah rah rah

Up yours.

It's mathematics. Count them. More than one. "Sport" section of the news, like the "weather" section or "business" section.

"Football" is reserved for the sport that involves a ball being handled predominantly with the foot.

It is a "biscuit". You fuckers can learn to use "scone". Anything called "cookie" is bound to be some over-sized American baked monstrosity. "Trunks" are for swimming and elephants. "Lift" is two syllables shorter, and a "faucett" is something from Charlie's Angles, not a bathroom appliance. Oh yeah, and "bathroom": they tend to be a room with a bath (or shower) around here; kick the euphemisms and call it a "toilet" or a "loo" or a "crapper".

As for "fanny" (vulva) and "fag" (cigarette) and "faggot" (meat blobs in gravy), I'll just have to assume you guys are just jealous at being unable to enjoy these simple pleasures. Like getting "pissed".

Stay the fuck away from our "U"s.

[Triple Zero]

so it's "weather" because the long form is weathematter?

and busimatness?

and biscematuit?

[BluTakDuck]

No...but neither is it mathematic. It's the buggering about with numbers as a section of it's own that is called mathematics, which is shortened down to maths, because it's still a group of ways to molest numbers. To say "I am doing lots of Math" is the same as saying "I am reading lots of book"

[Reginald Ret]

No...but neither is it mathematic. It's the buggering about with numbers as a section of it's own that is called mathematics, which is shortened down to maths, because it's still a group of ways to molest numbers. To say "I am doing lots of Math" is the same as saying "I am reading lots of book"

You never read lots of book?
damn that tickles me.
cant stop snickering.

[Triple Zero]

It's true, usually I don't. But there was this one time I didn't pay attention and then I accidentally lots of book.

[Golden Applesauce]

No...but neither is it mathematic. It's the buggering about with numbers as a section of it's own that is called mathematics, which is shortened down to maths, because it's still a group of ways to molest numbers. To say "I am doing lots of Math" is the same as saying "I am reading lots of book"

Plurals of abstract nouns get weird.  Like, if you're at a fancy dinner and they have a bunch of those little cheddar cheese cubes on toothpicks, you don't say "Look at all those cheeses!".  But if they have a mix of cheddar cubes, swiss cubes, bleu ... blobs?, pepper jack, gorgonzola - a dozen different kinds of cheese, you can say "Look at all those cheeses!", referring to the different kinds of cheese.  So if someone says they're studying maths, they better be working on multiple subfields of mathematics.  If they're just cramming for a calc test, they're studying math.

[Suu]

Also, your slang? Fuck it.

Fuck your bloody old manky excuse for the English language. Our slang is much superior. In a way that only someone with access to routine dental care could understand.

And don't give me the old, "Well if it wasn't for us, you wouldn't exist."

Bullshit. Spain started us and France owned more of us than you ninnies could ever have controlled which your retarded failing empire spanning the globe and all, and we still kicked your asses clear across the Atlantic TWICE and then saved it, another twice. You couldn't hold onto our swampy ass East Coast if your paltry lives depended on it. If we still really mattered, that 4 seats that my mother's ancestral family holds in the House of Lords would be mine for the taking, but it doesn't work like that. So fuck you.

I swear the only decent thing about the British Empire is the invention of gin and tonics.

And, why the control of Northern Ireland, REALLY?! It's not like Belfast ever built a ship capable of crossing the Atlantic and not sinking at the first sign of an iceberg or U-boat. All you ever did was persecute that poor island and it's saffron-wearing inhabitants. Fuck you, and fuck Henry VIII for starting it.

Also, pudding is NOT sausage. EVER. Nor should it contain blood.

[Suu]

It's English. We invented it. We can do what we want, when we want. . If you want to change it all and add random zed's in there because you think it makes you from the future or something, by all means, be our guest. But then it's not English, it's...i don't know. Make up your own name for it. I don't know why you'd want to speak English anyway. You felt the need to kill us and send us back where we came from, why not abandon the language of the King you didn't want? YOU MAKE NO SENSE!

English was invented because the British Isles could never hold their own identity, so it's a pissing match of Germanic, Gael, French, Latin, and Norse dialects. Pretty much every culture that decided to invade left us a few nouns and verbs and some pissant grammatical rule that doesn't exist anywhere else.

[Payne]

It's English. We invented it. We can do what we want, when we want. . If you want to change it all and add random zed's in there because you think it makes you from the future or something, by all means, be our guest. But then it's not English, it's...i don't know. Make up your own name for it. I don't know why you'd want to speak English anyway. You felt the need to kill us and send us back where we came from, why not abandon the language of the King you didn't want? YOU MAKE NO SENSE!

English was invented because the British Isles could never hold their own identity, so it's a pissing match of Germanic, Gael, French, Latin, and Norse dialects. Pretty much every culture that decided to invade left us a few nouns and verbs and some pissant grammatical rule that doesn't exist anywhere else.

Most of the rest from places we invaded ourselves.

[Suu]

It's English. We invented it. We can do what we want, when we want. . If you want to change it all and add random zed's in there because you think it makes you from the future or something, by all means, be our guest. But then it's not English, it's...i don't know. Make up your own name for it. I don't know why you'd want to speak English anyway. You felt the need to kill us and send us back where we came from, why not abandon the language of the King you didn't want? YOU MAKE NO SENSE!

English was invented because the British Isles could never hold their own identity, so it's a pissing match of Germanic, Gael, French, Latin, and Norse dialects. Pretty much every culture that decided to invade left us a few nouns and verbs and some pissant grammatical rule that doesn't exist anywhere else.

Most of the rest from places we invaded ourselves.

No. I don't think there's any Aboriginal or Indian words anywhere....Admit it. The language is shit. It's okay really...I agree with you and I'm a native speaker.

[Payne]

It's English. We invented it. We can do what we want, when we want. . If you want to change it all and add random zed's in there because you think it makes you from the future or something, by all means, be our guest. But then it's not English, it's...i don't know. Make up your own name for it. I don't know why you'd want to speak English anyway. You felt the need to kill us and send us back where we came from, why not abandon the language of the King you didn't want? YOU MAKE NO SENSE!

English was invented because the British Isles could never hold their own identity, so it's a pissing match of Germanic, Gael, French, Latin, and Norse dialects. Pretty much every culture that decided to invade left us a few nouns and verbs and some pissant grammatical rule that doesn't exist anywhere else.

Most of the rest from places we invaded ourselves.

No. I don't think there's any Aboriginal or Indian words anywhere....Admit it. The language is shit. It's okay really...I agree with you and I'm a native speaker.

Plenty of Indian words in English. Juggernaut, Avatar, Raj, Karma and Nirvana to name a few.

[Elder Iptuous]

from barenaked ladies "crazy alphabet song"

Okay, when you say zed for the benefit of our American friends
You really mean Z, right?
No, I mean zed, like, like Zed Zed Top
Zed Zed Top?

Yeah, you know the guys with the big long beards
Well, except the guy whose name is Beard, he has a mustache
I always thought that was interesting

[Jenne]

...so, Australians and New Zealanders don't have this same linguistic/dialect contention?

I find that somewhat hard to believe, though the two cultures as a whole seem to follow UK politics and celebrities/tabloids more closely.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The English invented the language, and refuse to use it.

"Blagging" is not a word.  "Robbing" is a word.

England needs to get it's shit together, or I'm going to write a letter to The Times.  Not kidding.

[Rumckle]

We speak pretty much the same English as the UK, though with less "innit" and "bollocks"