FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

NUMBER 9...NUMBER 9...NUMBER 9...IN THE CAN!

If you have any complaints about the condition of you GI tract Thursday I will point and laugh.

Richter. Remember who you're talking to... I eat raw beef for breakfast almost every morning. I once went a month eating nothing but tinned fish, candy, and things that are pickled. I view sausage that's been left out as a challenge. I ate nothing but cheeseburgers for all of September... some of them raw.

Feh. These are mere ORANGES. Oranges shall not defeat me! My digestive system owns everything!

[Richter]

Comment was not direct at Nigel, Nigel's colon, or any other such honorable participants. 

Please accept apologies and please not to explode my head with yo sphincter. 

For thine is the kingdom of indestructibowel.

[Cramulus]

Oh. My. Fucking. God.



It started out
                     as a fart.



and then it was
MORE THAN A FART.


I can't believe it ---



  --- I actually just crapped my pants!


              --- at work











on the bright side, looks like I'm going home early today!

[LMNO]

Sweet merciful fuck, you've been doing this at work?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I WILL PREVAIL!

[Cramulus]

[Suu]

My colon is still functioning as normal. What's wrong with you?!

[Doktor Howl]

Oh. My. Fucking. God.



It started out
                     as a fart.



and then it was
MORE THAN A FART.


I can't believe it ---



  --- I actually just crapped my pants!


              --- at work











on the bright side, looks like I'm going home early today!

Okay.  Cram has officially deified himself.

[Suu]

I just burped stomach acid again.

Ooooff....

[Doktor Howl]

I just burped stomach acid again.

Ooooff....

Tums.

Seriously.  Your espohagus is going to look like a WWI battlefield.

[Richter]

Oh. My. Fucking. God.



It started out
                     as a fart.



and then it was
MORE THAN A FART.


I can't believe it ---



  --- I actually just crapped my pants!


              --- at work











on the bright side, looks like I'm going home early today!

Ride it out.  Perform a half ass cleaning job in the bathroom, and then spend the rest of the day stinking up the joint.  People WILL walk on eggshells to avoid implying that you crapped yourself.  In fact, your feces are completely non-culpable once washed away, and you can call the wrath of HR down on anyone who tries to complain.  
The burden of proof in on them in regards to the shit being in your pants at the time.

(Bonus points if you can incorporate Vasquez's "Somebody put shit in my pants.")    

[Suu]

I just burped stomach acid again.

Ooooff....

Tums.

Seriously.  Your espohagus is going to look like a WWI battlefield.

It already does. I take Prilosec daily.

Mmm...purple pill time.

[Elder Iptuous]

Cram,
please to describe the extent of your little accident.
is it a mere skidmark, or are those shorts going in the burn pile?
oh good lord, that's excellent!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh. My. Fucking. God.



It started out
                     as a fart.



and then it was
MORE THAN A FART.


I can't believe it ---



  --- I actually just crapped my pants!


              --- at work











on the bright side, looks like I'm going home early today!

I can't stop laughing.

I'm... sorry?

Wait, does this mean you're withdrawing your challenge?

[Suu]

He better not!