BEST IDEA EVER

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Nylons that don't run.

Oh wait, that was done in the 1930's. And kept off the market.

FUCK.

[navkat]

Nitrile medical gloves with mini air conditioners in the fingertips so you can take a pair off and still have cool, dry hands when you put on the next pair.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

A BANGLE BRACELET THAT'S REALLY A BUTANE LIGHTER SO PEOPLE QUIT PUTTING YOUR SHIT IN THEIR POCKETS

[EK WAFFLR]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES

[Freeky]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES AND EXUDE NEW BOOK SMELL

improved.

[Doktor Howl]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES AND EXUDE NEW BOOK SMELL AND THE BINDING FALLS APART THE FIRST TIME YOU USE IT.

improved.

More better.

[Freeky]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES AND EXUDE NEW BOOK SMELL AND THE BINDING FALLS APART THE FIRST TIME YOU USE IT

improved.

More better.

Can't fix it. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES AND EXUDE MUSTY BOOK SMELL AND THE BINDING FALLS APART THE FIRST TIME YOU USE IT AND YOU FIND SQUISHED SILVERFISH FROM THE 1930'S IN IT

improved.

More better.

Can't fix it. 

I just did.

[Freeky]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES AND EXUDE MUSTY BOOK SMELL AND THE BINDING FALLS APART THE FIRST TIME YOU USE IT AND YOU FIND SQUISHED SILVERFISH FROM THE 1930'S IN IT

improved.

More better.

Can't fix it. 

I just did.

LIES!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES AND EXUDE MUSTY MILDOODY OLD BOOK SMELL AND THE BINDING FALLS APART THE FIRST TIME YOU USE IT AND THE PAGES CRUMBLE AND YOU FIND SQUISHED SILVERFISH FROM THE 1930'S IN IT AND THOSE WORMS THAT CHEW LITTLE TUNNELS AND PASSAGES HIGHLIGHTED AND UNDERLINED AND MORONIC NOTES IN THE MARGINS

improved.

More better.

Can't fix it. 

I just did.

LIES!

TROOF! 

[Freeky]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES AND EXUDE MUSTY MILDEWY OLD BOOK OR CRISP, CLEAN, NEW PRINT INK AND PAGE SMELL SMELL AND THE BINDING FALLS APART THE FIRST TIME YOU USE IT AND THE PAGES CRUMBLE AND YOU FIND SQUISHED SILVERFISH FROM THE 1930'S IN IT AND THOSE WORMS THAT CHEW LITTLE TUNNELS AND PASSAGES HIGHLIGHTED AND UNDERLINED AND MORONIC NOTES IN THE MARGINS

improved.

More better.

Can't fix it. 

I just did.

LIES!

TROOF! 

Compromise?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

E-BOOKS WITH REAL PAGES AND EXUDE MUSTY MILDEWY OLD BOOK OR CRISP, CLEAN, NEW PRINT INK AND PAGE SMELL SMELL AND THE BINDING FALLS APART THE FIRST TIME YOU USE IT AND THE PAGES CRUMBLE AND YOU FIND SQUISHED SILVERFISH FROM THE 1930'S IN IT AND THOSE WORMS THAT CHEW LITTLE TUNNELS AND PASSAGES HIGHLIGHTED AND UNDERLINED AND MORONIC NOTES IN THE MARGINS

improved.

More better.

Can't fix it. 

I just did.

LIES!

TROOF! 

Compromise?

Works for me. Hey, maybe the book could have 23 different surprise odors...COLLECT THEM ALL!

[navkat]

App that takes all the "sport" out of job searching by assessing all the openings in the area for which you're qualified, removes the ones you aren't going to win and auto-submits you for the top remainder, tailoring your cover letter by aggregating all the data on the company's website and compiling it into a series of key phrases like "exciting team", "spirit of excellence," "challenge-oriented" and "outstanding patient care experience" and peppering the letter with the phrases that get the highest "impact likelihood" score.

The app simultaneously gathers data via google and facebook about the company, their "mission statement," the HR department and the person holding your interview and pepares a two-page report whose purpose is to groom you for the interview, complete with a synopsis, appearance guide and a list of bulleted key points to mention. It does this using the same dirty data mining techniques used to market THEIR bullshit to YOU. You don't NEED to know that the company picnic/softball game is in June or of the ovewhelming frequency to order cantonese on Fridays based on employee tweets about Golden Panda. You aren't even TOLD the HR director's Albrtson's Shopper keytag data revealed the purchase of 360 cans of Fancy Feast, 100 bottles of red wine and zero male grooming products in the last 6 months. Anonymous Usage Statistics takes care of that FOR you! You just know to mention your excellent swing, a love of Kung Pao Chicken and how you never married because animals are the only souls whose lives are worth a damn!

This report is emailed to your smartphone so you can cram in the lobby the last few minutes before the interview. You don't even have to invest any of your time caring about this shit.

Optonal: If you "Go Pro," the app can be set to schedule interviews around your drug usage! Just enter your favorite drugs and the app will send a pop-up with a reminder 24 hours before you need to abstain for the most likely date of a drug screen based on data leaked by Quest labs and culled from other fine employee background data services!

Download today!

[Freeky]

Holy fuckballs, Nav, that's diabolically genius.

[East Coast Hustle]

I would buy that app and I don't even need a job.