What the fuck is wrong with your Discordia?

[Salty]

No, don't tell me. PLEASE don't tell me.

If you tell me then I'll tell you and we will spend all of our time telling each other things.

About stuff.

But that's the question I ask myself a lot. The mark of a living religion is the manner in which it changes, the power its practitioner has to shape it, control it. Do we NEED religion? Read that again. Remember where you are. Why aren't you on FB this exact second? Why aren't you watching TV/hulu/Netflix? Why do you even brother? Do we (humans) need religion?

We make fun of people who wear funny hats an awful lot, and there's plenty of material. But deep down, I think we all know that we just happen to think our funny hat is funnier than everyone else's, and in all other ways superior. At least, I feel that way.

And, of course, we (ME) are (AM) correct. But that's hard to explain to other people, for some.reason you always end up looking like a dick.

So, like any polite person, you live in the way of your chosen hat, whatever it means to you, and it (DISCORDIA) probably doesn't come.up a lot. But people can tell when you've accepted your Very Goofy Self, or your Horrible Self, which really, for me, is the same usually.

Which is TERRIFYING, apparently.

But then, what the fuck is the problem? Why anger and no joy? Why horror and no mirth? Why does Discordia have to be such a fucking...oh right.

Aha, my apologies. Duh.

[Doktor Howl]

You ever see a guy with a ridiculous toupee?  Don't you want to tell them, "Hey, buddy, lose the bad rug and just be yourself"?  But it's also true that almost EVERYONE has a bad rug, and they think they have EVERYONE FOOLED, even if they've got wigs and merkins stapled over their entire body.

So the important thing is to determine if you're wearing a bad rug, yourself.  And if you are, you need to CAST IT ASIDE, whether it be a closely held but incorrect belief, or some ideology you've become a billboard for.

Lose the rug, people.  You're not fooling anyone.

[Salty]

What if a have a souper fabulous wig?

[Doktor Howl]

What if a have a souper fabulous wig?

Then it's your real hair.

[Salty]

What if a have a souper fabulous wig?

Then it's your real hair.

YES. ALL OF THAT. IT TICKLES MY FANCY.

[Salty]

NO BAD RUGS NO BAD RUGS!

MAKE DISCORDIA FABULOUS!

HEY HEY HO HO
THAT TOUPEE HAS
GOT TO GO!

HONK IF YOU LOVE BEING A FABULOUS MOTHERFUCKER!

I want a Discordian Rug March and I want it 50 years ago.

[Freeky]

I think that if a person really has want or need to cast aside any funny hat and leaves all the different kinds of funny hats off, they kind of devolve a bit.

I would like to go more into detail on this, but SisFrac is gray and paused, so the best I can come up with is

There's no time for that crap.  Gotta find food gotta keep shelter gotta get me some job/money gotta be watchful, none of these motherfuckers are trustworthy, they want what food and shelter I have.  S'mine, assholes. 

[Doktor Howl]

I think that if a person really has want or need to cast aside any funny hat and leaves all the different kinds of funny hats off, they kind of devolve a bit.

I would like to go more into detail on this, but SisFrac is gray and paused, so the best I can come up with is

There's no time for that crap.  Gotta find food gotta keep shelter gotta get me some job/money gotta be watchful, none of these motherfuckers are trustworthy, they want what food and shelter I have.  S'mine, assholes.

Gotta march on a road of bones.

[Left]

But people can tell when you've accepted your Very Goofy Self, or your Horrible Self, which really, for me, is the same usually.

Which is TERRIFYING, apparently.

Well, you're being genuine.  In a plastic world, that's weird.  Weird is bad, possibly even terrorist.*  Like being a communist* in the 50's.
Accepting the illusory selves, in all their weird glory...that's not something people do.

TV makes my brain itch.  It also encourages me to eat more.  All the damn commercials.

*current fnordic trigger word, used to shut down discursive thought

[Pergamos]

I'm a big fan of funny hats.  As long as you know the hat is absurd, they are a lot of fun. 

[GrannySmith]

I'm confused about your description of discordians - what religion? I am an atheist, I'm usually joyous and not angry, I alternate my funny hats, and i insist, i am NOT religious. what makes you think i'm not on fb right now?  i have replaced my tv with a tiny laptop with an internet connection and an adblock. And you should do something about that superiority thing Alty, it could become nasty   

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm not going to tangle up on this, except to say that I think you might be interpreting more than a few things through your own filter, green apple.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Are you realllly fucking high right now? Or do you have some other excuse for pretending the barstool doesn't exist?

[Salty]

I'm confused about your description of discordians - what religion? I am an atheist, I'm usually joyous and not angry, I alternate my funny hats, and i insist, i am NOT religious. what makes you think i'm not on fb right now?  i have replaced my tv with a tiny laptop with an internet connection and an adblock. And you should do something about that superiority thing Alty, it could become nasty   

Yeah, I'll get right to work on that. Thanks for the life tip.

Do you think I should work on the sarcasm as well?

[Salty]

Some of my best friends are atheists, but I tell them to leave that shit at home.

Quick question about that superiority thing...how do I possibly fix that? How can I be less awesome? How can fail to be a part of this awesome religion?

Tell me, oh wise apple, as you seem to know all about that.