A New/Old Office for the spreading of Mental Liberation

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I, St. Hugh KSC, Profederator of Witchery, & Ignifactus of Malaria, Sinisterium, Dexterium, and all other odd little lands with funny names, member and catalyst of several cabals, Discordian and otherwise, one of them being but not limited to the Purple Monkey Mafia/etc. do hereby solemnly and sillily announce the formation/fermentation of the Office of Homeland Obscurity. This new bureau's function will be to further elucidate the spurious/copius/dubious/malfunctorious reasons why we have such a monstrosity known as government in the first place and what we should do once we find the humorless wasted sliver of life who first suggested the idea. The joke of government, especially the present bushy government, has gone too far kiddies.
All of you who read this notice/announcement/set-of-esoteric-toilet-paper-instructions are hereby deputized as Agents of the aforementioned Office. Your first and only assignment is exactly what you think it is. So get to it. Consult your pineal gland for further developments. DO NOT DRINK THE WILD TURKEY!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You are SOOOOOOOOOO hired.

[riff]

Speaking as a representative of the Discordian Intelligence Agency, this sounds like something what would fall under our auspices.  Since we don't (to my knowledge) have anyone working in that direction at the moment, I'll be happy to offer you the position.  You can pick up a parking permit at the front desk, and I think there's an empty office next to the Department of Redundancy Department.  I've registered you as Security Clearance 'Chutney', and we'll see about funding as soon as I can distract the Commander enough to grab a couple bills out of his mattress.

By the way, for security reasons, we'd appreciate it if further memoranda from your department were written in type that can't be seen from space.

Share and Enjoy,
--Riff
Karma Manager

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Don't worry. It falls under all auspices, aspects, and associations, whether here, there, nowhere, somewhere, neither, or some of this and some of that.

[riff]

Yes, that's why we don't try to send the parking permits by mail anymore.

[The Commander]

Karma Manager,

   Great Scott Man!  We have parking?????

Commander

[riff]

Yes, Commander.  Sub-level 12, below the misfortune cookie factory.

[The Commander]

Karma Manager,

   Then why is there a sign on that door that says...

    "Here Be Dragons.  Keep Out!  Especially you Commander."?

The Commander
DIA

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Check with file #000523 in the second cabinet to the left, first drawer from the floor. The answer you seek could be hinted at there.

[riff]

No no! The Commander's not cleared for that file, and we're trying to keep from having to perform brain surgery on him as much as possible.  He's already gone a bit... erm, vague.

Anyway, Commander, it's because dragons are above your security clearance.

[The Commander]

I see.  Well, what about lizards?  Komodo Dragons?  Are they too high a clearence for me?  Damnit wheres a herpologist when you need one?!  Where's my requisition form????

The Commander
DIA

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I think you're cleared for newts and/or iguanas, but I would stand by until it can be confirmed/denied. It seems file #000523 was stolen by some of the Fae who live downstairs in that bamboo plant next to the copy-machine.

[riff]

You're cleared for newts, iguanas under two feet in length, and most non-poisonous varieties of frog.

And St. Hugh, I think you're thinking of Janet, the secretary in charge of copying and the office-supply cabinet.  She's not Fae, she just has a quirky fashion sense.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

That explains her tastes in music then.

[The Commander]

Does this mean I should stop bringing her lettuce to munch on in between copy jobs?

What does this mean in regards to my relationship with Newt Gengrich?

The Commander
DIA