Open Bar: ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Jim just called me on my landline, and asked why I was being a dick, and can I please get stuff fixed.

"Are you asking me to break procedure, Jim?"

All land line calls are of course taped, per company procedure.

Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck this place.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'll bet on the following:

You shut down for about 2 weeks on Friday.
You will not be allowed to leave prior to normal times.
An effigy of you will be burnt in the car park.

Anything less and quite frankly I'll be disappointed.

Well, I've just been told that they are considering disciplinary action for one of my guys, because the engineer told him fucked up shit.

We all just got really dumb.  Really, really dumb.

Disciplinary action for him, because someone else gave him bad information? That makes no sense.

Neither does the fact that Mike decided to leave a machine down over the weekend mean that I am somehow to blame.  Because he was in charge of the plant and decided not to have us fix it.

But I am, as are my guys.

This happens to every maintenance shop, everywhere, ever.  So now we have to play the stupid game for a while.

That is a giant load of crap. I hope that place catches on fire after you leave it.

Why wait?  As of this morning, NOTHING gets down without ALL the paperwork being straight.  NOTHING.  Toilet's flooding the office building?  I need a work order.  I'll wait.

That's actually happening, by the way.

And the rules CLEARLY state that we need a work order AND a permit before performing any maintenance activities.

Oh that's fucking AWESOME. As Red Tape Guy showed us, the death of getting anything done is making sure to follow ALL the rules to a T.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Man, I hate that shit. You follow your fucking chain of command and carry out the orders you are given and you are shit on for not knowing better, just like you'd have been shit on for bucking the chain of command and/or not following orders. Fuck those guys.

They wanna borrow a hammer? Gee whiz, I'm not sure what exactly a hammer is let alone where we keep 'em. Everything is just so topsy-turvy down here, I mean hell, we can't even do XX right, right?

Ass bags.

Oh, no.  They can borrow a hammer.  There's a form for that.  No shit.

Well I hope the signature isn't smudged and the text isn't blurry or anything. I'd hate for them to have to go get another one because this one might not be up to snuff. Wait, don't you need that in triplicate?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'll bet on the following:

You shut down for about 2 weeks on Friday.
You will not be allowed to leave prior to normal times.
An effigy of you will be burnt in the car park.

Anything less and quite frankly I'll be disappointed.

Well, I've just been told that they are considering disciplinary action for one of my guys, because the engineer told him fucked up shit.

We all just got really dumb.  Really, really dumb.

Disciplinary action for him, because someone else gave him bad information? That makes no sense.

Neither does the fact that Mike decided to leave a machine down over the weekend mean that I am somehow to blame.  Because he was in charge of the plant and decided not to have us fix it.

But I am, as are my guys.

This happens to every maintenance shop, everywhere, ever.  So now we have to play the stupid game for a while.

That is a giant load of crap. I hope that place catches on fire after you leave it.

Why wait?  As of this morning, NOTHING gets down without ALL the paperwork being straight.  NOTHING.  Toilet's flooding the office building?  I need a work order.  I'll wait.

That's actually happening, by the way.

And the rules CLEARLY state that we need a work order AND a permit before performing any maintenance activities.

Good. FUCK those guys.

Yep.  As of this morning, I no longer care if I remain employed here.  This has given me a certain degree of latitude with respect to my dealings with others.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Jim just called me on my landline, and asked why I was being a dick, and can I please get stuff fixed.

"Are you asking me to break procedure, Jim?"

All land line calls are of course taped, per company procedure.

Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck this place.

Do I sense an impending blaze of glory?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh that's fucking AWESOME. As Red Tape Guy showed us, the death of getting anything done is making sure to follow ALL the rules to a T.

I am Red Tape Guy now.

Forever.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Jim just called me on my landline, and asked why I was being a dick, and can I please get stuff fixed.

"Are you asking me to break procedure, Jim?"

All land line calls are of course taped, per company procedure.

Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck this place.

Do I sense an impending blaze of glory?

I'm not going to quit.  I just don't give a fuck if they fire me.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Man, I hate that shit. You follow your fucking chain of command and carry out the orders you are given and you are shit on for not knowing better, just like you'd have been shit on for bucking the chain of command and/or not following orders. Fuck those guys.

They wanna borrow a hammer? Gee whiz, I'm not sure what exactly a hammer is let alone where we keep 'em. Everything is just so topsy-turvy down here, I mean hell, we can't even do XX right, right?

Ass bags.

Oh, no.  They can borrow a hammer.  There's a form for that.  No shit.

Well I hope the signature isn't smudged and the text isn't blurry or anything. I'd hate for them to have to go get another one because this one might not be up to snuff. Wait, don't you need that in triplicate?

Legible signatures only. 

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Man, I hate that shit. You follow your fucking chain of command and carry out the orders you are given and you are shit on for not knowing better, just like you'd have been shit on for bucking the chain of command and/or not following orders. Fuck those guys.

They wanna borrow a hammer? Gee whiz, I'm not sure what exactly a hammer is let alone where we keep 'em. Everything is just so topsy-turvy down here, I mean hell, we can't even do XX right, right?

Ass bags.

Oh, no.  They can borrow a hammer.  There's a form for that.  No shit.

Well I hope the signature isn't smudged and the text isn't blurry or anything. I'd hate for them to have to go get another one because this one might not be up to snuff. Wait, don't you need that in triplicate?

Legible signatures only. 

You are a cruel man, indeed.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I woke up full of rage, hate, and resentment, as is fairly typical this time of year when I have to do a bunch of COMPLETELY POINTLESS BULLSHIT like buy a fucking dead tree and stick it in my living room, and then somehow scrape together enough cash to buy the children some kind of non-shitty presents to put under it.

STUPIDEST FUCKING TRADITION EVER. FFS.

Oh, and then of course I didn't want to be the one asshole in my mom group to not do Secret Santa, so I spent money I don't have to buy some nice bullshit and now I have to spend more money I don't have to ship it.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Jim just called me on my landline, and asked why I was being a dick, and can I please get stuff fixed.

"Are you asking me to break procedure, Jim?"

All land line calls are of course taped, per company procedure.

Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck this place.

Do I sense an impending blaze of glory?

I'm not going to quit.  I just don't give a fuck if they fire me.

They might just be too terrified to do that, Roger. I mean, once you're gone, the force of your vindaloo-inspired offerings to the porcelain gods will no longer hold them in appeasement. Shit will go wrong everywhere. Always. I think on some primitive level they understand this. Like . . . the part of their brain that tells them a really big predator is ticking their neck-hair with his fetid breath . . . that part should be kicking in any time now.

Don't hold out for just an apology to your man. Hold out for a dozen roses and lunch for each of you.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Jim just called me on my landline, and asked why I was being a dick, and can I please get stuff fixed.

"Are you asking me to break procedure, Jim?"

All land line calls are of course taped, per company procedure.

Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck this place.

Do I sense an impending blaze of glory?

I'm not going to quit.  I just don't give a fuck if they fire me.

They might just be too terrified to do that, Roger. I mean, once you're gone, the force of your vindaloo-inspired offerings to the porcelain gods will no longer hold them in appeasement. Shit will go wrong everywhere. Always. I think on some primitive level they understand this. Like . . . the part of their brain that tells them a really big predator is ticking their neck-hair with his fetid breath . . . that part should be kicking in any time now.

Don't hold out for just an apology to your man. Hold out for a dozen roses and lunch for each of you.

Meh.  To them, we are rather slow-witted apes.  Utterly replaceable.

Now Jim has a mutiny on his hands.  A mutiny furthered by following every single rule, no matter what.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Jim just called me on my landline, and asked why I was being a dick, and can I please get stuff fixed.

"Are you asking me to break procedure, Jim?"

All land line calls are of course taped, per company procedure.

Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck this place.

Do I sense an impending blaze of glory?

I'm not going to quit.  I just don't give a fuck if they fire me.

They might just be too terrified to do that, Roger. I mean, once you're gone, the force of your vindaloo-inspired offerings to the porcelain gods will no longer hold them in appeasement. Shit will go wrong everywhere. Always. I think on some primitive level they understand this. Like . . . the part of their brain that tells them a really big predator is ticking their neck-hair with his fetid breath . . . that part should be kicking in any time now.

Don't hold out for just an apology to your man. Hold out for a dozen roses and lunch for each of you.

Meh.  To them, we are rather slow-witted apes.  Utterly replaceable.

Now Jim has a mutiny on his hands.  A mutiny furthered by following every single rule, no matter what.

I feel bad for Jim sometimes. Not too bad, but a little bit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Jim just called me on my landline, and asked why I was being a dick, and can I please get stuff fixed.

"Are you asking me to break procedure, Jim?"

All land line calls are of course taped, per company procedure.

Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck this place.

Do I sense an impending blaze of glory?

I'm not going to quit.  I just don't give a fuck if they fire me.

They might just be too terrified to do that, Roger. I mean, once you're gone, the force of your vindaloo-inspired offerings to the porcelain gods will no longer hold them in appeasement. Shit will go wrong everywhere. Always. I think on some primitive level they understand this. Like . . . the part of their brain that tells them a really big predator is ticking their neck-hair with his fetid breath . . . that part should be kicking in any time now.

Don't hold out for just an apology to your man. Hold out for a dozen roses and lunch for each of you.

Meh.  To them, we are rather slow-witted apes.  Utterly replaceable.

Now Jim has a mutiny on his hands.  A mutiny furthered by following every single rule, no matter what.

I feel bad for Jim sometimes. Not too bad, but a little bit.

Normally, I do too.  Not right now, though.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Jim just called me on my landline, and asked why I was being a dick, and can I please get stuff fixed.

"Are you asking me to break procedure, Jim?"

All land line calls are of course taped, per company procedure.

Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck this place.

Do I sense an impending blaze of glory?

I'm not going to quit.  I just don't give a fuck if they fire me.

They might just be too terrified to do that, Roger. I mean, once you're gone, the force of your vindaloo-inspired offerings to the porcelain gods will no longer hold them in appeasement. Shit will go wrong everywhere. Always. I think on some primitive level they understand this. Like . . . the part of their brain that tells them a really big predator is ticking their neck-hair with his fetid breath . . . that part should be kicking in any time now.

Don't hold out for just an apology to your man. Hold out for a dozen roses and lunch for each of you.

Meh.  To them, we are rather slow-witted apes.  Utterly replaceable.

Now Jim has a mutiny on his hands.  A mutiny furthered by following every single rule, no matter what.

I feel bad for Jim sometimes. Not too bad, but a little bit.

Normally, I do too.  Not right now, though.

Nope, not right now. He should be sticking up for his people, not dousing 'em in bullshit.