Open Bar: Funnier Than White People Practicing Voodoo

[Cain]

Thanks all.  I should say, I don't know for sure that this is the case...but any company that apparently has no budget, is influencing Parliament and has non-disclosure agreements is probably at the very least benevolently looked upon by some Lovecraftian horror, uh intelligence agency, no wait, right first time, Lovecraftian horror.

And I have a conference call tomorrow.  With the boss.  Fun times.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Edit: Never mind, I lose. Someone posted the plot basis for the upcoming Jem movie and I nearly had kittens. Now, excuse me while I tell all you fuckers to get off my lawn and go cry in a corner.

PLEASE TELL ME IT'S MICHAEL BAY.  PLEASE.

That would have actually been cool.

From what I've read, it's gonna make the Josie and the Pussycats remake* look like Citizen Kane.







*To be honest, Parker Posey and Alan Cummings were pretty damn good in that film.

Why haven't any of you killed me?  Must I BEG?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Thanks all.  I should say, I don't know for sure that this is the case...but any company that apparently has no budget, is influencing Parliament and has non-disclosure agreements is probably at the very least benevolently looked upon by some Lovecraftian horror, uh intelligence agency, no wait, right first time, Lovecraftian horror.

And I have a conference call tomorrow.  With the boss.  Fun times.

I believe I wrote you a story once, warning you about exactly this sort of shit.

[LMNO]

Thanks all.  I should say, I don't know for sure that this is the case...but any company that apparently has no budget, is influencing Parliament and has non-disclosure agreements is probably at the very least benevolently looked upon by some Lovecraftian horror, uh intelligence agency, no wait, right first time, Lovecraftian horror.

And I have a conference call tomorrow.  With the boss.  Fun times.

They'll probably have been monitoring your internet use for the past three months.  THEY KNOW ABOUT YOUR SKYRIM MODS.

[Cain]

The best thing about this generation with comic book nerds and gamers is I get to see all the stupid self-entitled douchebags bitching and whining about their worthless childhood being destroyed. Your childhood was destroyed the minute your nut sack dropped, yet I don't see you whining about that do you? You know the ability to start having sex.

I've realized now I don't want to befriend in real life, or online, or be in the same room with people who are clinging to their worthless nostalgia colored goggles.

The fact that you pieces of shit suck the life and fun out of every fucking thing makes me sick to my stomach, and there's only one thing I can do. The only thing I should do. Which is laugh at your childhood, and you til you go back to whatever basement you crawled out of.

They really are pathetic man-children.  Even the women.  Especially the women.  A writer I know refers to this as the Geek-Greivance Complex.  It is really prevalent with the comic book turned movie crowd, but it also, interestingly, applies very strongly to the technophile "internets will cure cancer" lot as well (of course, there is a lot of overlap between the two).

[Cain]

I believe I wrote you a story once, warning you about exactly this sort of shit.

Yeah.  I kinda expected to be languishing in a foreign jail at this point in my life though, so I reckon it's probably worth a laugh.  And to be honest, at this point I'd torture Iraqi goat-herders in preference to my current job.  At least it's interesting.   

They'll probably have been monitoring your internet use for the past three months.  THEY KNOW ABOUT YOUR SKYRIM MODS.

I hope they were paying attention to that twat I was trolling on tumblr.  That's how you do psyops, retards.

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

It also occurs to me, that for the 32 years that I've spent as a resident of Massachusetts, I've never once been on the Constitution.

Which brings me a bit of shame every time she's brought up.

36 years in Colorado. Skiing once...in Wyoming.

And yes, let's just keep this between you and I.

[Junkenstein]

I believe I wrote you a story once, warning you about exactly this sort of shit.

Yeah.  I kinda expected to be languishing in a foreign jail at this point in my life though, so I reckon it's probably worth a laugh.  And to be honest, at this point I'd torture Iraqi goat-herders in preference to my current job.  At least it's interesting.   

They'll probably have been monitoring your internet use for the past three months.  THEY KNOW ABOUT YOUR SKYRIM MODS.

I hope they were paying attention to that twat I was trolling on tumblr.  That's how you do psyops, retards.

The bold. Have you had your role and responsibilities explained to you? Because your first day could be very interesting indeed.

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

Well, I just did it. I started Couch-to-5k.

I didn't die, but my thighs just went NOPE when I came up stairs. So yeah, this is gonna take some time.

Dude, I'm totally going to do this myself. I got up to almost 2 miles continuous running last time (before I petered out). But now I no longer have a gym membership, and the fitness center at my school sucks, and my bike got stolen...but I have a timing device, my free Nikes and someone on PD shaming me. It's on.

[Ben Shapiro]

The best thing about this generation with comic book nerds and gamers is I get to see all the stupid self-entitled douchebags bitching and whining about their worthless childhood being destroyed. Your childhood was destroyed the minute your nut sack dropped, yet I don't see you whining about that do you? You know the ability to start having sex.

I've realized now I don't want to befriend in real life, or online, or be in the same room with people who are clinging to their worthless nostalgia colored goggles.

Hold up.

There's a different between Marvel atoning for their sins of the Early Sony Period with the remakes, and fucking Michael Bay existing, okay? Marvel's 2004 Punisher not withstanding, because I'm in that movie as an extra, so no matter the suck, I got my 3 seconds of screen time and $200 for that.


Edit: Never mind, I lose. Someone posted the plot basis for the upcoming Jem movie and I nearly had kittens. Now, excuse me while I tell all you fuckers to get off my lawn and go cry in a corner.

Make room for some butt-hurt.

Sailor Moon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODz7ankdTHw

[Ben Shapiro]

The best thing about this generation with comic book nerds and gamers is I get to see all the stupid self-entitled douchebags bitching and whining about their worthless childhood being destroyed. Your childhood was destroyed the minute your nut sack dropped, yet I don't see you whining about that do you? You know the ability to start having sex.

I've realized now I don't want to befriend in real life, or online, or be in the same room with people who are clinging to their worthless nostalgia colored goggles.

The fact that you pieces of shit suck the life and fun out of every fucking thing makes me sick to my stomach, and there's only one thing I can do. The only thing I should do. Which is laugh at your childhood, and you til you go back to whatever basement you crawled out of.

They really are pathetic man-children.  Even the women.  Especially the women.  A writer I know refers to this as the Geek-Greivance Complex.  It is really prevalent with the comic book turned movie crowd, but it also, interestingly, applies very strongly to the technophile "internets will cure cancer" lot as well (of course, there is a lot of overlap between the two).

I wish to subscribe to this Newsletter. Lulz are to be had!

[Ben Shapiro]

The best thing about this generation with comic book nerds and gamers is I get to see all the stupid self-entitled douchebags bitching and whining about their worthless childhood being destroyed. Your childhood was destroyed the minute your nut sack dropped, yet I don't see you whining about that do you? You know the ability to start having sex.

I've realized now I don't want to befriend in real life, or online, or be in the same room with people who are clinging to their worthless nostalgia colored goggles.

The fact that you pieces of shit suck the life and fun out of every fucking thing makes me sick to my stomach, and there's only one thing I can do. The only thing I should do. Which is laugh at your childhood, and you til you go back to whatever basement you crawled out of.

Also fuck the 80's the only thing important was Reagan and A.I.D.S. Fuck the 90's the only thing important was the Internet being commercially available. Fuck the 2000's the only good thing about that was watching Metallica fans cry because their shitty band was making even shittier music.

I love you so much.

I feel so pretty oh so pretty!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It also occurs to me, that for the 32 years that I've spent as a resident of Massachusetts, I've never once been on the Constitution.

Which brings me a bit of shame every time she's brought up.

36 years in Colorado. Skiing once...in Wyoming.

And yes, let's just keep this between you and I.

I know how you guys feel. 43 year old Portland native, just went to the Acropolis for the first time last night.

[EK WAFFLR]

Sorry to hear about all that, Waffles.

The only useful advice I can give is grow as large as a whale, so your cancers get cancer and they die off.  It's the only way to be sure.

I HAVE A PLAN!


Also, thanks all.

Also also, congrats Cain!

Also also, Warming up for Fire + Ice & Knotwork next monday. Awesome.

Also also also, festival this weekend. Ghost. Slayer. Anthrax. Turbonegro. Sepultura. Sabaton. And more. Sweet.

[LMNO]

That's a lot of effort to go through just to see Turbonegro.