Open Bar: Funnier Than White People Practicing Voodoo

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm at work. 

WTF? It's not only Sunday, it's FATHER'S DAY. What did the bastards do this time?

Well, the ball mill that keeps doing weird shit?  ALL THE BRICK LINING FELL OUT.  That was part of the reason for the delay on my trip.  And while I have an I&E guy doing hole watch, a confined space entry means the maintenance supervisor has to be on site.

So I'm sitting in my office fucking off.

That ball mill. 

55,000 kilograms of bricks is one hell of a mess.

How does anything have that many bricks?

Well, they're extremely dense bricks, and this fucking thing is HUGE.

How is it they fall out?

The epoxy that holds them in place is good for 8 years.  No bastard felt the need to document that.

Mill is 15 years old.

[Salty]

I'm at work. 

WTF? It's not only Sunday, it's FATHER'S DAY. What did the bastards do this time?

Well, the ball mill that keeps doing weird shit?  ALL THE BRICK LINING FELL OUT.  That was part of the reason for the delay on my trip.  And while I have an I&E guy doing hole watch, a confined space entry means the maintenance supervisor has to be on site.

So I'm sitting in my office fucking off.

That ball mill. 

55,000 kilograms of bricks is one hell of a mess.

How does anything have that many bricks?

Well, they're extremely dense bricks, and this fucking thing is HUGE.

How is it they fall out?

The epoxy that holds them in place is good for 8 years.  No bastard felt the need to document that.

Mill is 15 years old.

Wow.

[Salty]

I have been experimenting with dropping grudgea. I simply don't care anymore about a great deal of shit. So far this has resulted with significant improvements in the relationship between me and The Boy's mother, which is rad.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I have been experimenting with dropping grudgea. I simply don't care anymore about a great deal of shit. So far this has resulted with significant improvements in the relationship between me and The Boy's mother, which is rad.

Remember my story "The Basement"?

[Salty]

I have been experimenting with dropping grudgea. I simply don't care anymore about a great deal of shit. So far this has resulted with significant improvements in the relationship between me and The Boy's mother, which is rad.

Remember my story "The Basement"?

I don't, link? Or I can probably hunt it down.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yes, please, follow me outside where I go to drink my 1st cup of tea in peace to tell me about your dream. Do that, I want to know ALLLLLLL about your super interesting dream. Really.

No, really.

Oh, and how you slept. And what kind of food you have in the back of your teeth. And maybe touch on your existential crisis. In fact, just unload your thoughts as they arrive in your head. Think of me as a sort of waste recepticle.

:murder:

"I'm sorry, but I like to drink my morning tea in solitude. It's sort of my morning grounding ritual. Is this where you like to go in the morning? If so I can find another spot".

[Junkenstein]

I'm at work. 

WTF? It's not only Sunday, it's FATHER'S DAY. What did the bastards do this time?

Well, the ball mill that keeps doing weird shit?  ALL THE BRICK LINING FELL OUT.  That was part of the reason for the delay on my trip.  And while I have an I&E guy doing hole watch, a confined space entry means the maintenance supervisor has to be on site.

So I'm sitting in my office fucking off.

That ball mill. 

55,000 kilograms of bricks is one hell of a mess.

How does anything have that many bricks?

Well, they're extremely dense bricks, and this fucking thing is HUGE.

How is it they fall out?

The epoxy that holds them in place is good for 8 years.  No bastard felt the need to document that.

Mill is 15 years old.

It really is just a matter of time until something goes terribly wrong there. I'm guessing by the end of the year.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yes, please, follow me outside where I go to drink my 1st cup of tea in peace to tell me about your dream. Do that, I want to know ALLLLLLL about your super interesting dream. Really.

No, really.

Oh, and how you slept. And what kind of food you have in the back of your teeth. And maybe touch on your existential crisis. In fact, just unload your thoughts as they arrive in your head. Think of me as a sort of waste recepticle.

:murder:

???

I have taken to going outside for me 1st cup since saying things like "I dont like to chit chat 1st thing in the morning" has no effect. Am now constructing a rocket ship.

Also try "Can you leave me alone? I'm not ready to be social this early" and "I came outside to be by myself, if you don't mind".

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm at work. 

WTF? It's not only Sunday, it's FATHER'S DAY. What did the bastards do this time?

Well, the ball mill that keeps doing weird shit?  ALL THE BRICK LINING FELL OUT.  That was part of the reason for the delay on my trip.  And while I have an I&E guy doing hole watch, a confined space entry means the maintenance supervisor has to be on site.

So I'm sitting in my office fucking off.

That ball mill. 

55,000 kilograms of bricks is one hell of a mess.

How does anything have that many bricks?

Well, they're extremely dense bricks, and this fucking thing is HUGE.

How is it they fall out?

The epoxy that holds them in place is good for 8 years.  No bastard felt the need to document that.

Mill is 15 years old.

Gosh, I wonder if the lifespan of this glue is important? Nahhhh.

[Salty]

Yes, please, follow me outside where I go to drink my 1st cup of tea in peace to tell me about your dream. Do that, I want to know ALLLLLLL about your super interesting dream. Really.

No, really.

Oh, and how you slept. And what kind of food you have in the back of your teeth. And maybe touch on your existential crisis. In fact, just unload your thoughts as they arrive in your head. Think of me as a sort of waste recepticle.

:murder:

???

I have taken to going outside for me 1st cup since saying things like "I dont like to chit chat 1st thing in the morning" has no effect. Am now constructing a rocket ship.

Also try "Can you leave me alone? I'm not ready to be social this early" and "I came outside to be by myself, if you don't mind".

I will try it.

Maybe I'll try writing it down and reading it aloud when the time comes and avoid the swift and nasty current of my morning mind.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I, too, am profoundly antisocial in the morning. I have taken to being even more brutally direct than usual. I've learned that extroverts don't really understand how to translate statements about my preferences or desires into a change in their behavior, nor does lack of response tip them off, so I can't just say "I prefer to be left alone in the morning" or "I find history mind-numbingly boring", I have to say "I want you to leave me alone in the morning" and "stop talking to me about history".

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yes, please, follow me outside where I go to drink my 1st cup of tea in peace to tell me about your dream. Do that, I want to know ALLLLLLL about your super interesting dream. Really.

No, really.

Oh, and how you slept. And what kind of food you have in the back of your teeth. And maybe touch on your existential crisis. In fact, just unload your thoughts as they arrive in your head. Think of me as a sort of waste recepticle.

:murder:

???

I have taken to going outside for me 1st cup since saying things like "I dont like to chit chat 1st thing in the morning" has no effect. Am now constructing a rocket ship.

Also try "Can you leave me alone? I'm not ready to be social this early" and "I came outside to be by myself, if you don't mind".

I will try it.

Maybe I'll try writing it down and reading it aloud when the time comes and avoid the swift and nasty current of my morning mind.

You could write it down and hand it to them. Or have cards made.

[Junkenstein]

I would bet money no-one's even thought about the glue in any way until it failed. It's glue. You glue something and it stays glued, right?

No.

Probably worth mentioning, though you've probably already considered it - check any historical welding work. Recent stuff will probably be fine, but fuck knows who's dicked about there in the past. Nice important busywork for your new lackey apprentice slave bootlicker cabin boy

[Salty]

Yes, please, follow me outside where I go to drink my 1st cup of tea in peace to tell me about your dream. Do that, I want to know ALLLLLLL about your super interesting dream. Really.

No, really.

Oh, and how you slept. And what kind of food you have in the back of your teeth. And maybe touch on your existential crisis. In fact, just unload your thoughts as they arrive in your head. Think of me as a sort of waste recepticle.

:murder:

???

I have taken to going outside for me 1st cup since saying things like "I dont like to chit chat 1st thing in the morning" has no effect. Am now constructing a rocket ship.

Also try "Can you leave me alone? I'm not ready to be social this early" and "I came outside to be by myself, if you don't mind".

I will try it.

Maybe I'll try writing it down and reading it aloud when the time comes and avoid the swift and nasty current of my morning mind.

You could write it down and hand it to them. Or have cards made.

Ooh, yeah. They could be both exceptionally polite and blunt.

"Please don't speak to me right now. Your cooperation in this matter will be appreciated and will save you from a potential decaption/verbal equivlilent. Thank you."

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yes, please, follow me outside where I go to drink my 1st cup of tea in peace to tell me about your dream. Do that, I want to know ALLLLLLL about your super interesting dream. Really.

No, really.

Oh, and how you slept. And what kind of food you have in the back of your teeth. And maybe touch on your existential crisis. In fact, just unload your thoughts as they arrive in your head. Think of me as a sort of waste recepticle.

:murder:

???

I have taken to going outside for me 1st cup since saying things like "I dont like to chit chat 1st thing in the morning" has no effect. Am now constructing a rocket ship.

Also try "Can you leave me alone? I'm not ready to be social this early" and "I came outside to be by myself, if you don't mind".

I will try it.

Maybe I'll try writing it down and reading it aloud when the time comes and avoid the swift and nasty current of my morning mind.

You could write it down and hand it to them. Or have cards made.

Ooh, yeah. They could be both exceptionally polite and blunt.

"Please don't speak to me right now. Your cooperation in this matter will be appreciated and will save you from a potential decaption/verbal equivlilent. Thank you."

I had some made using a stock Vistaprint image that say "Stop talking." They're very nice.