Open Bar: Funnier Than White People Practicing Voodoo

[Pæs]

HAY PAES TOMORROW WHEN YOU RUN YOUR WEEKLY SANITY CHECK ON THE PAY, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT EVERYONE IS GETTING AN EXTRA MILLION DOLLARS OR SO.

Okay, I can exclude that from the sanity/exception check, how much tax are they paying on each? Also, I think we agreed the last five times you gave me no notice of this that I need a few days to retune the reports I use to make these checks?

IDK HOW MUCH TAX IT WILL BE FIGURED OUT ON THE FLY. IT IS VERY MESSY.

Right, but if I exclude those payments and don't exclude the associated tax, each person just has giant negative next to their name which we cannot justify and the sanity check fails in the other direction.

YEAH K FIX IT FOR TOMORROW.

Did they ask you to calculate it for doing taxes in multiple ways so they can decide which to use?  For every person, individually, so they can tell them what to expect?  That's my FAVORITE.

YESSSSSSS THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING RIGHT NOW.

[Luna]

HAY PAES TOMORROW WHEN YOU RUN YOUR WEEKLY SANITY CHECK ON THE PAY, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT EVERYONE IS GETTING AN EXTRA MILLION DOLLARS OR SO.

Okay, I can exclude that from the sanity/exception check, how much tax are they paying on each? Also, I think we agreed the last five times you gave me no notice of this that I need a few days to retune the reports I use to make these checks?

IDK HOW MUCH TAX IT WILL BE FIGURED OUT ON THE FLY. IT IS VERY MESSY.

Right, but if I exclude those payments and don't exclude the associated tax, each person just has giant negative next to their name which we cannot justify and the sanity check fails in the other direction.

YEAH K FIX IT FOR TOMORROW.

Did they ask you to calculate it for doing taxes in multiple ways so they can decide which to use?  For every person, individually, so they can tell them what to expect?  That's my FAVORITE.

YESSSSSSS THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING RIGHT NOW.

Of course they did.

If it's not "OHFUCK, we need all this shit YESTERDAY, nevermind that you have to write the reports from scratch, and, oh yeah, the internet is going up and down faster than Ron Jeremy's 'nads, and, yeah, we knew we'd need this last month, but you can pull it out of your ass before my meeting in an hour, right?" it's, "What the hell do you DO all week, anyway?  I mean, you just write checks on Fridays, right?"

[Pæs]

HEEEEEEEEEEE REPORT TIMEOUT. I HOPE YOU LIKE HAVING NO CONFIDENCE IN THE ACCURACY OF YOUR PAY.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I just bought 13 pairs of socks with my financial aid.

Envy me.

[Suu]

I just bought 13 pairs of socks with my financial aid.

Envy me.

Nope.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I just bought 13 pairs of socks with my financial aid.

Envy me.

Are they different colors?

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Waiting for someone else's baby is a lot more annoying than I thought. I mean, less painful than making your own, sure, but DAMN. Sitting here since 1pm waiting for updates.

[Suu]

Waiting for someone else's baby is a lot more annoying than I thought. I mean, less painful than making your own, sure, but DAMN. Sitting here since 1pm waiting for updates.

Sounds like an epidural happened.

I know nothing about childbirth, but every time someone has a long labor, it seems pain killers were in the mix. It makes me wonder if I were to have kids if I would go for the au natural like my mom who popped us all out like 45 minutes flat each, or if I wouldn't be able to handle it and opt for the epidural. Everyone is so different though, so it's incredibly hard to say.

Either way, I hope she's okay. Did she go in before she was dilated enough?

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

An Open Letter to That Person In My Intellectual Property Class:

Please, please, PLEASE...for the love of God, STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING SHARK TANK.

You don't go to math class and try to tie every topic back to what a really, really, big, super-huge fan of the number 4 you are, do you?

...and if you do, let me just add on behalf of your painfully annoyed math classmates:

Please, please, PLEASE...for the love of God, STOP TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING NUMBER 4.

That's all. Just stop. Please.

All the best to you and yours,

NLDM

xoxo

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

You know that guy I said I was going to break up with a year ago?

Broke up with him tonight.

AHAHAHA

ahahah

ha.

[Eater of Clowns]

You know that guy I said I was going to break up with a year ago?

Broke up with him tonight.

AHAHAHA

ahahah

ha.

Shit. Y'alright?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

You know that guy I said I was going to break up with a year ago?

Broke up with him tonight.

AHAHAHA

ahahah

ha.

Shit. Y'alright?

I have no idea. But thank you for asking.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I just bought 13 pairs of socks with my financial aid.

Envy me.

Are they different colors?

Hell yes. And stripes.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Waiting for someone else's baby is a lot more annoying than I thought. I mean, less painful than making your own, sure, but DAMN. Sitting here since 1pm waiting for updates.

Sounds like an epidural happened.

I know nothing about childbirth, but every time someone has a long labor, it seems pain killers were in the mix. It makes me wonder if I were to have kids if I would go for the au natural like my mom who popped us all out like 45 minutes flat each, or if I wouldn't be able to handle it and opt for the epidural. Everyone is so different though, so it's incredibly hard to say.

Either way, I hope she's okay. Did she go in before she was dilated enough?

Yeah nope. You can have a long-ass labor either way, trust me.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

An Open Letter to That Person In My Intellectual Property Class:

Please, please, PLEASE...for the love of God, STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING SHARK TANK.

You don't go to math class and try to tie every topic back to what a really, really, big, super-huge fan of the number 4 you are, do you?

...and if you do, let me just add on behalf of your painfully annoyed math classmates:

Please, please, PLEASE...for the love of God, STOP TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING NUMBER 4.

That's all. Just stop. Please.

All the best to you and yours,

NLDM

xoxo

I swear, That Guy is in every single class, ever. For me, it seems to always be an engineering student.