Author Topic: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.  (Read 2004 times)

Frontside Back

  • Yet another cellural dystopia
  • Known & Noted
  • **
  • Posts: 1360
  • Funny posts: 0
    • View Profile
Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« on: October 22, 2017, 03:18:42 pm »
Once upon the time there was an alien species living on a planet not unlike ours. They were worried about pretty much same aspects of life as humans are: famine, war, sickness and the root of all this nonsense: Death. So they embarked on a journey to defeat their cruel master, forming a society producing brilliant scientists who one blow at the time killed the Death itself.

   But in their fear of Death these poor creatures overlooked even greater horror: fear of living. With no time limit, no ultimate deadline the phrase "I'll do it tomorrow" quickly evolved into "I'll do it next century" or "I'll do it next millenium". And so their society crumbled, and all the luxuries people living had gotten used to seized to exist making their lifes miserable again, but this time for eternity. Reintroducing dying wasn't a possibility, Death was dead for good and wouldn't bless their species ever again.

   Even still, something had to be done. So they introduced a system. Every child that was born was immortal, but wouldn't know it if they weren't told. So the rest of them found a purpose making this illusion more real, they would take voluntary cosmetic surgeries every few years to fake effects of aging and even change their whole appearance and move away, leaving behind only an obituary in local newspaper. And the system worked, of course most of the children found out eventually their eternal fate by accidents, suicide attempts living to 150 and other ways, but often not before truly living their life as ones running away from nonexistence tend to do.

  So I say this to humankind, do not seek the Eternal, it's not for your eyes. Seek for those tiny moments which make dying feel almost bearable. Oh fuck who am I kidding, just give me my life extension pill already (made of cyanide 50% of time), you have engineers working on fucking fidget spinners.
sqos dnd ou os 'snq ooz uo punos ou

Eater of Clowns

  • Deposed Mexico
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 57947
  • Limpid Lust Pariah of Foulness
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2017, 11:44:14 am »
Hi mortality, nice to meet you and welcome to PD.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 50449
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2018, 12:10:16 am »
Hi mortality, nice to meet you and welcome to PD.

 :lulz:
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Fin

  • Known
  • *
  • Posts: 551
  • GAPS
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2018, 02:02:19 am »
I was born and Life came up to introduce herself. "Hi, I'm Life".  "Hey" . "My calling card".  I took it and held it up. Written on it was one word. Death. "Uh, hey Life. Your calling card says 'Death'". "Yes it does". "The calling card of Life is...Death?" "Yes". "How can that be?" "It's my other side" she said as she turned around.  She had a very nice backside.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2018, 09:58:19 am by Finn »
"Fuck off and die in a car accident or something"  Dr. Howl

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 409802
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2018, 04:24:49 am »
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
Well, that's hardly my fault.  I was just doing what I do, doing my little dance, singing my little song, you know?  And then Hirley0 got on the dance floor and said

SHAKE THAT
First ^  Then V

And I did.  I didn't feel like I had any choice.  Between P-Funk and Hirley0, I became the man reptillian menace I am today.

Bootsy Collins did this to me.

Fin

  • Known
  • *
  • Posts: 551
  • GAPS
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2018, 05:30:29 am »
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
                                                                      Do you need a hug?
"Fuck off and die in a car accident or something"  Dr. Howl

Fin

  • Known
  • *
  • Posts: 551
  • GAPS
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2018, 09:46:27 am »
"It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he get's out of it alive".  W.C. Fields
"Fuck off and die in a car accident or something"  Dr. Howl

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 409802
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2018, 04:56:45 pm »
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.
                                                                      Do you need a hug?

Yes.  A great big hug.  And maybe a fuckin' lullaby.  I love those.
Well, that's hardly my fault.  I was just doing what I do, doing my little dance, singing my little song, you know?  And then Hirley0 got on the dance floor and said

SHAKE THAT
First ^  Then V

And I did.  I didn't feel like I had any choice.  Between P-Funk and Hirley0, I became the man reptillian menace I am today.

Bootsy Collins did this to me.

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #8 on: January 28, 2018, 03:37:02 am »
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

Just out of curiosity.. how did the thought to motorize a fidget spinner occur to you?
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Doktor Howl

  • Вся ваша база принадлежит нам
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 409802
  • Horrible Bastard
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #9 on: January 30, 2018, 04:40:37 am »
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

Just out of curiosity.. how did the thought to motorize a fidget spinner occur to you?

I am reasonably sure I was bombed on benzodiazapine and had a "moment".
Well, that's hardly my fault.  I was just doing what I do, doing my little dance, singing my little song, you know?  And then Hirley0 got on the dance floor and said

SHAKE THAT
First ^  Then V

And I did.  I didn't feel like I had any choice.  Between P-Funk and Hirley0, I became the man reptillian menace I am today.

Bootsy Collins did this to me.

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #10 on: January 30, 2018, 02:12:07 pm »
 :lulz:
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Cramulus

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 131973
    • View Profile
    • Cramul.us
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2018, 02:42:11 pm »
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

You really are doing Goddess' work.

I've always wanted to create some little sound player or automated gizmo with a lonnnnnng battery life, and leave it inside of a wall or something for people to find like 50 years later.

PoFP

  • Word-Salad Enthusiast and Terrified Meat Sack
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 14038
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2018, 04:24:02 pm »
I motorized a fidget spinner, for efficiency's sake.

I should go back and work on it, so that it lasts longer than I do.  And that's all the "eternity" any of you fuckos will ever need...The knowledge that a tiny monument to stupidity will outlive you.

You really are doing Goddess' work.

I've always wanted to create some little sound player or automated gizmo with a lonnnnnng battery life, and leave it inside of a wall or something for people to find like 50 years later.

With just slightly more work, you could probably just mount an outlet in the wall and have the device plugged in. And it should totally play a sound snippet from the Cha-Cha Slide song where he goes "Now... It's time to get funky-unky-unky..." every 30 minutes or so.

Shit would get funky so often, there's no way they could avoid disco. They'd end up on this forum after only a couple days.
Listen carefully. I don't have much time, and I only have 462 characters left. I'm a scientist from Area 52 (Area 51 was used to draw attention from Area 52, where the aliens were ACTUALLY stored) who was working on neural interfacing with networked devices. In an experiment gone wrong, I accidentally uploaded my mind to the internet. In the 2 seconds I had before my mind scrambled itself with the world's network traffic, I was able to store this snippet in this random internet signature. If you're reading this, let the world know tha

LuciferX

  • Metanoia
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 32439
  • fripping moncrey!
    • View Profile
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #13 on: January 30, 2018, 10:23:06 pm »
Spectre of perpetuity in haunted hause, I like it.
Hic Salta?
________
Constant Eso-Opthamologist of Elicited Stopped-Clock Illusions, brings it back, or sinners just repent______

Cramulus

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 131973
    • View Profile
    • Cramul.us
Re: Hi! I'm mortality, nice to meet you.
« Reply #14 on: January 30, 2018, 10:35:26 pm »
With just slightly more work, you could probably just mount an outlet in the wall and have the device plugged in. And it should totally play a sound snippet from the Cha-Cha Slide song where he goes "Now... It's time to get funky-unky-unky..." every 30 minutes or so.

best prank, I think, would be to only play like 1x per month - so it's impossible to anticipate and most of the time, you miss it. But I swear I heard it! You gotta believe me!