Preface

The Chao Te Ching was conceived at a tea party which took place on Mount Olympus' Limbo Peak. An ancient Chinese Chaosopher named Lao Tzu had been riding his bike through the mountains of the afterlife and somehow ended up crashing into Eris, the Greek Goddess of Chaos, Confusion, Discord, Bureaucracy, and Aftermath. Lao Tzu was supposed to meet Confucius, who had just gotten the first season of Lost on DVD. Instead, he decided to hang out with this crazy Greek chick.

The two of them talked for days. They had very similar ideas but approached them in different ways. Lao Tzu preferred to observe the universe through quiet contemplation, whereas Eris enjoyed tossing golden apples, watching everybody's colors come out as they scrambled for them. But they both believed the universe was essentially a pretty cool place.

"It's difficult to talk about things as big as Every Thing," said Lao Tzu as he sipped his tea. "But one thing I think we can agree on: Everything goes with the flow, baby!"

"Yeah," said Eris, "But if everything is part of that flow, even going against it is part of it."

"But what is there to go against?" asked the wrinkly fruit of a man.

"Not against, but through," she said, "I just like playing games of sense and nonsense. Right now I'm playing Hopscotch to Aftermath. But the less that's said of that, the better... I think people might be reading this discussion." They both looked around, paranoid.

Meanwhile, on Earth, two spags called Cramulus and Alphapance were meditating on what it would be like if Eris hooked up with Lao Tzu. They had skeeved themselves out with the imagery of this hot ass Greek Goddess grinding on some dessicated Chinese dude and decided never to discuss it again. But they couldn't. They just kept talking about it and obsessing over it until they had to write it down. They were originally planning on publishing the manuscript as an erotic novel, but luckily Eris appeared in a flash of noise and simultaneously slapped both of them in the face.

"You stupid spags," spake Eris, "Lao Tzu and I have been trying to inspire you for days, but you're too busy making dick jokes to notice." Then, much to Cramulus and Alphapance's disappointment, she transformed their wretched manuscript into the Chao Te Ching.

"What is this garbage?" asked Cramulus as he flipped through it, "And what the hell is a 'wise spag'?"

"A spag is a fool, you spags," said Eris, "Somebody that doesn't know cats from cones. A wise spag is a spag that knows just what a spag he is."

"Stop saying spag," said Alphapance, "please."

Eris slapped him again. Then she vanished in a cloud of synthpop.

"Okay, that was uncalled for," said Alphapance as he rubbed his cheek. "We're going to have to rewrite this ourselves."

"Hah! We're going to totally bung it up!" laughed Cramulus.

And they did.

A NOT-AT-ALL FUNNY FOREWARD TO THE CHAO TE CHING BY DOKTOR ALPHAPANCE

Regardless of the origins, the Chao te Ching is an important contribution to Discordian thought. It distills and updates basic principles, as well as setting down current extrapolations and reinterpretations of such, based upon present-day contexts and socio-economic-political realities.

First, a brief history of Discordianism: It was conceived as both a parody religion and a light-hearted philosophy in the late 1950's, mostly as a reaction to the rigid cultural norms found in America at that time. As such, it claimed that disorder was as important as order, and to embrace the latter without the former was foolish. To further tweak their noses at the establishment, the authors chose a minor Greek deity "Eris" as their anthropomorphized symbol of worship. A collection of collage, satire, and metaphysics under the name Principia Discordia, originally produced and distributed by hand, was eventually released as a publication in 1970. [Note: a more complete, if somewhat pedestrian, summary can be found on Wikipedia.]

Skip ahead forty years.

Currently, the idea of Discordianism still exists and has expanded, as various adherents adopt and adapt the vague and often ill-defined concepts found in the original book into new outlooks on consensus reality; which brings us to the Chao te Ching.

The manner in which this book you are holding was written appears to be an adaptation (a "riff", if you will) of a stylistic aspect found in the Prinicipia Discordia, namely a syntax which parodies Biblical verse; clearly, the authors of the Chao te Ching wished to use the structure of the Taoist classic the Tao te Ching as a literary framework as a way to present Discordian ideas in a new context. In using a classic text such as this, the authors were presented with a number of challenges. While the austere poetry of the original proved to be a boon when parsing down typically verbose philosophical rants about the nature of reality and authority, Taoism often presents the universe in two distinct parts, Yin and Yang. Discordians, on the other hand, do not usually hold to such strict duality, often calling even their own definitions into question. This issue is dealt with through recursive lines and chapters in the Chao te Ching that contradict previous chapters, often to the point of explicitly pointing out said contradictions.

In addition, the authors have apparently coined new terms and metaphors not found in the Principia Discordia. Not wanting the book to be an encyclopedia, they can only allude to concepts like The Barstool, The Black Iron Prison, and The Machine™. While the passages add up to fairly concise explanations, it can only be assumed that the authors intend for the curious to hunt down and explore further texts which describe such concepts in more depth.

But all of this avoids the main question: Why was the Chao te Ching written? What purpose can it serve? In short, it provides a perspective that may be unfamiliar to the casual reader, or perhaps clarification if all they have heard of Discordianism is that it's, "a philosophy inside a joke inside a religion inside of another joke." Most Discordians wouldn't even go so far as saying the Chao te Ching is a way to live your life – they want you to make up your own mind. In fact, this entire work has been filed under a Non-Commercial Share Alike license, which lets the reader create their own translation of the Chao te Ching without fear of copyright violation. The authors actively encourage new translations, in order to keep Discordia alive and vibrant rather than unchanging and stagnant.

See, I told you this wouldn't be funny.

Additional Material

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/10.php

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/56.php http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/57.php http://www.principiadiscordia.com/book/58.php