a hidden open letter to my old mates, i love you guys, but some of you have the critical thinking capacity of a fooking potato.
I'm not entirely sure what kind of potato. But I'm inclined to go with one of those hench fuck-off baking potatoes that 2 potatoes feeds 4 (plus toppings and all that, wiff a side salad).
Your disconnect with reality is fucking staggering, with your vague terms and anti -intellectual sentiments. Trying to shoehorn me in to some "like, evolved form, man" pseudo mystical image of a person from 12 years ago that I have not been in fucking years. Since I joined PeeDee.
I think it's my depression. I think it makes me impatient with this drunk hippy fuckwit and it's been 4 minutes and I've already got bingo on my logical fallacy card, never trust a hippy
. I can't remember the guys name, but meh. Apparently depressed people have a more accurate grasp on reality. i think it might be a bit of a chicken/egg thing. and yes, i've got time and money to go into any new flat I go into and paint the whole thing as "a blank canvas, man, just take a sleeping bag, d'ya get me?". /SARCASM
Jasp (another old friend) took me aside late last night at my oldest friend's birthday party. I'd mentioned wanting to do sociology as an OU degree and Baggage was also there giving it the "you don't need formal education to prove to people you smart, Pix." My oldest friends have forgotten my defining character trait over the years, and that is: they forgot that I am an angry nerd lady with serious nerd rage. I have always been an angry nerd, a history nerd. I have always loved learning about a multitude of possibly useless and sometimes irrelevant crap. So maybe i want to do a fucking degree level sociology course once i am more together because i love learning about stuff. It's not some kind of working class intellectual inferiority complex, for fuck sake, and self teaching myself herbalism and doing evening classes is hardly the level of in depth study I'd like to sink my teeth into. I may seem unfocused but there's a lot of things for an angry nerd lady to be angrily nerdy about and utterly absorbed in considering. i want to direct the energy of my small angry nerd girl inner child or whatever you guys and your woo would actually get, sharpen iota to a sharp blade of small angry nerd lady. FEAR ME FOR I AM PIXIE
Even when i was culturally appropriating and plundering half baked barely parsed stolen ideas from other cultures when i was the person they remember, I was an angry fucking nerd. I took a fucking morning star to a games console whilst listening to Pantera in a ritual at 23 in my back garden to get some unresolved feelings and bad personal choice patterns concerning some guy i was fucking on and off again back then, basically a contrived effort to stop fucking with my own head. incidentally it worked on the "NO DON'T BONE HIM AGAIN FFS" front. I think it was the smashing to shit of his old console, personally whilst listening to metal that did that more than any mystical pagan unicorn poop. Bits of it flew quite far
I'm brought back to of all things, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and these people are the romantics who eschew the empirical, the wasters that feel disconnected from any sort of reality that makes them uncomfortable. idk i think a lot of hippies miss the point of that book, or is that just me?
i was actually relieved when the drunk bearded guys with gutars around a fire started tbh.
OR KILL ME