Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Topics - Cainad (dec.)

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 ... 7
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / "But So-and-so wouldn't lie to me!"
« on: October 04, 2013, 02:38:17 pm »
What you say: "I know you think X is true, but X is actually not true."

What they hear: "The person who told you that X is true lied to you. They're a lying liar who is filling your head with lies."

What they reply: "No way, X is definitely true, how dare you!"

The challenge: What techniques can be employed to get around this response?


Okay so in every other category I'm sure this map/article is totally biased and bullshit in every other category, especially for whichever states you like the most, but in this ONE RESPECT the facts are unassailable:

Massachusetts has the worst drivers in the country.

I, for one, would greatly appreciate it if LMNO would stop strutting around the sidewalks looking that goddamn fabulous and distracting all the drivers with his irresistible swagger. It's a public hazard.


Story is over a week old, but other than the Fox Detroit site, the story doesn't seem to be on mainstream news at all.

Power was shut off to "send a strong message" to customers who weren't reducing their energy use fast enough. In 90-degree heat, without warning to anyone.

Literate Chaotic / Transfer
« on: July 23, 2013, 10:44:36 pm »
Part One

"No, we can't give you another weekend off, Terry. They're suspicious enough as it is. Two chapters of their little organization have already resequestered themselves after our people followed up on your initial leads. There's no way they can know what you are, but they're not stupid. They know something's up."

My boss speaking, there. He doesn't get it, he can't possibly get it. Fucking spook.

Heathen. Betrayer of the Truth.

No, no, no, no!

"Listen, please. Just a day, half a day even. I'm slipping, and that freak is probably fucking up my wiring while I'm in here. It's been three fucking months, boss. I know for a fact that no one has been in for that long. The Conditioning was never meant to prepare us for this."

"The answer is still no, Terry. You're fine, you're just under a lot of stress. I understand how uncomfortable it must be in there with those weirdos,"

Getting more comfortable every day, god damn it. That's the problem.

"...But no one is more qualified. Even our agents with more field experience don't come anywhere near the level of compatibility you have with this subject. You've done a lot of good work already, but we need more time. I'll see to it you get double the standard leave once the job is done, sound good?"

Double time off... that does sound good. Maybe take the time to travel abroad.

Start a new chapter... No!

I let out a sigh, because I can't scream over the phone while I'm here.

"Okay... but look, even if I can't take a resting period, can I at least come in for a visit? Even just for five minutes."

A pause.

"A visit? You mean, like, just look at him for a bit?"

Look at who for a bit?

"Yeah, just a few minutes. I... I think I've got enough insight now to ask a few questions, might actually get somewhere this time."

Another pause. He knows I'm full of shit, but the request is so pitiful that he can't help but consider it. Big softie.

"Alright. Fine, we'll arrange a visit. See you tomorrow."


We hope this letter finds you well. We are writing to you regarding a certain Doktor Blight, who recently left several possessions in our care, with instruction to refer matters of his estate to you. More precisely, a shipping container was dropped off in our office parking lot in the middle of the night with a sticky note on the door which reads:

"Pls. direct all questions and concerns to Nephew Twiddleton. It's his mess to deal with now. -Dktr. Blight"

Note that we have no record or indication of Doktor Blight's current whereabouts or state of being; we are assuming that he has either passed or elaborately faked his own death to pawn off certain matters of interest onto you. The details are not our business, and we leave it to you to figure out specifics of the situation.

The container itself appears to be on lease from a nearby shipping company, so we advise that you deal with the contents as quickly as possible so the container can be returned. The contents that we have been able to inventory thus far are:

  • One (1) copy of the "D" volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica
  • One (1) burlap sack containing what appear to be several high-quality theatrical wigs in a variety of colors and styles
  • Several grams of silvery metallic pellets in an unlabeled ziploc bag
  • An assortment of optical glass lenses, carefully packed in foam
  • Four (4) Singer brand sewing machines
  • Two (2) wooden crates secured shut with heavy steel wire
  • Several locked filing cabinets

An overwhelming odor began wafting from the back of the container after the first few minutes of searching and logging the contents, so the remainder will be up to you to identify. Please respond ASAP.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Legal Firm

While your proposal is creative, we regret to inform you that our company will be unable to assist you in your "topograhical reassignment" of the greater Washington DC area. Your proposed designs to use our drilling and hydrofracturing technologies to create a series of small-scale earthquakes that would spell out the entire First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States in the form of miniature mountain ranges is, unfortunately, not in line with our company's mission.

We should point out that, if we are reading your charts correctly, your plans require exploiting fault zones that are deeper than any such faults that have been mapped previously. As we do not have access to, nor have ever heard of, the proposed "HIMEOBS-grade drilling apparatus" you refer to on page 13, we could not reach these fault zones even if we were assured of their presence.

Additionally, we have found no records of the credentials, or even the existence, of your recommended "on-site supervisory experts." We have been unable to locate the people you refer to on page 24 as "Signor Richtedor" and "ECH Consulting, LLC."

In summary, we are sorry that we cannot help you in achieving your goals. We wish you the best of luck in all future endeavors.

TerraTech Industries, Inc.


Unwanted Attention

Sent by brynndragon:

    Guys who are obviously incompatible with me keep messaging me on OKC. How do I make them stop?

If you keep on getting poked
by matches made in Hades
Jocks and bros of middle age
who can’t relate to ladies
Take the one who messaged last
Save his profile photo
Set it as your profile pic
and ask whose place to go to.

You're damn right this gets its own thread:

It's a follow-up about depression, and it's just as relevant as the previous one.

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Hey, YOU!
« on: May 03, 2013, 02:45:18 am »
What in the name of "Bob's" salty orifices do you think you're doing?

You think this is a joke or something?

Cut that shit out. You'll get us all in trouble.

Assume the standard deviation is 12 fucks given, and I want a 95% confidence interval with E = 4,

then how many FUCKING TIMES, on average, do I need to answer the same goddamn question on the online homework system? :crankey:


Twice-monthly community updates for the small desert town of Night Vale, featuring local weather, news, announcements from the Sheriff's Secret Police, mysterious lights in the night sky, dark hooded figures with unknowable powers, and cultural events. Turn on your radio and hide. Welcome to Night Vale.

First episode is at the bottom of the list. Please to enjoy.

Discordian Recipes / Pot Roast
« on: December 23, 2012, 05:07:52 pm »

I can't say that I know enough about making pot roast to speak to the culinary correctness of this article, but the recipe is written in proper PeeDee Recipe format:

Somewhere along the way, it got common to treat Christmas dinner like Thanksgiving II: This Time Without Turkey—like a big showpiece meal for which amateur cooks are meant to serve up some impressive exotic culinary masterpiece far outside the bounds of their humble repertoire of comfort foods. Take a walk through the butcher section of your local supermarket during the week before the holiday, and you can see the evidence of this phenomenon: geese, ducks, whole beef tenderloins, sea scallops the size of your fist, 15-pound prime rib roasts, entire goddamn wild Alaskan halibuts with their friggin' heads sawed off—all of this where there used to be Jumbo Family Packs of ground chuck, chicken thighs, and meatloaf mix.

Fuck all that. It's a busy goddamn day, what with visiting relations and opening gifts and getting transported to an alternate dimension in which you followed your dreams or whatever; if your idea of a swell way to wind it down is to spend the evening in white-knuckle terror over the fate of your $300 prime rib, that's your business, but I'll be over here with the sane people, being sane, eating pot roast, and doing other sane things you wouldn't understand. (Prolly scratch myself some, too.)

And so on.

The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / A glimmer of hope
« on: December 22, 2012, 08:47:31 pm »

New Orleans schools ban creationist curriculum, shun Texas revisionist textbooks
Robert T. Gonzalez

Sanity wins this round — at least for six schools in New Orleans. By a unanimous vote, N.O.'s Orleans Parish School Board voted on Tuesday to keep creationism out of its classrooms. Hallelujah.

"No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach any aspect of religious faith as science or in a science class," reads a measure released by the School Board earlier this week. "No teacher of any discipline of science shall teach creationism or intelligent design in classes designated as science classes."

The new policy also takes a deliberate stand against Texas's conservative revisionist curricula:

    No history textbook shall be approved which has been adjusted in accordance with the state of Texas revisionist guidelines nor shall any science textbook be approved which presents creationism or intelligent design as science or scientific theories.

"The conservative elements in the state have gotten stronger and stronger and more and more religious and farther to the right. I think it behooves us to take these steps to protect our kids' educational futures," said School Board Presdient Thomas Robichaux.

"To teach anything but scientific theory in a science class is just wrong for our kids. The Louisiana Science Education Act [enacted in 2008, the law has been described as "anti-science" by a veritable truck load of scientific organizations, and is responsible for shit like this being taught in science classes] is a direct attack on our children's future and this is a direct defense to that."

It's like Bill Nye says: creationism is not appropriate for children.

(Okay, the title of this thread is an atrocious sentence; bad example)

Stranded prepositions are nothing to fret about

There are numerous myths relating to grammatical dos and don’ts, many of which were drummed into us at school. The one that stubbornly refuses to budge from my mind is the diktat ‘never begin a sentence with a conjunction such as and or but’. And why not, pray?*

Some of these groundless rules (termed ‘fetishes’ by Henry Fowler in 1926) have a long history. Back in the 17th and 18th centuries, some notable writers (aka Latin-obsessed 17th century introverts) tried to make English grammar conform to that of Latin – hence the veto on split infinitives and also the ruling against the ending of a sentence with a preposition (also called stranding or deferring a preposition).

These and other language myths are amazingly persistent, though, so who you gonna call? Oxford’s Myth Debunkers, of course! To kick off this occasional series, let’s try to zap the one about stranded prepositions and lay it to rest once and for all.

Basically, this "rule" about prepositions was invented by a bunch of twerps who were more interested in fighting over who had the biggest Latin-penis than in effective communication.

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 ... 7