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Messages - Cainad (dec.)

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46
This is beautiful:

Quote
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

—    (via fishmech)

 :lulz: :mittens:

48
I love the hunting lodge, and the slab of granite! We don't have granite here. We have basalt. Hundreds and hundreds of miles of basalt.

Igneous rocks ftw! I often wonder where the volcanoes were in the Appalachians, but I do know that a fair chunk of New England was underwater. They've found whale fossils in Vermont.

Unless I'm hugely mistaken, there were none. Any igneous rock visible in that region is almost definitely exposed basement rock, or ophiolites (uplifted chunks of oceanic crust).

So the range itself was built entirely by tectonic movement, and the ophiolite makes sense, in that a great deal of the coast was underwater, and it all got moved up. It's entirely humbling to think of how old these rocks here on the East Coast are as opposed to the West, which are STILL old. Geological time is fascinating.

Yep. East coast geology and tectonics are a fucking mess, too. This whole side of continent is accreted from various smaller continents that got smashed into it while the subduction zone still existed, and various mountain ranges that grew and eroded away. The Catskills are not tectonic at all, on that note: they are the leftovers of the Taconic Mountains, now gone, which eroded into sediment at the bottom of a shallow sea. When that sea got uplifted above sea level and the sediment became stone, rain and river formation carved out the Catskills.

49
I love the hunting lodge, and the slab of granite! We don't have granite here. We have basalt. Hundreds and hundreds of miles of basalt.

Igneous rocks ftw! I often wonder where the volcanoes were in the Appalachians, but I do know that a fair chunk of New England was underwater. They've found whale fossils in Vermont.

Unless I'm hugely mistaken, there were none. Any igneous rock visible in that region is almost definitely exposed basement rock, or ophiolites (uplifted chunks of oceanic crust).

50
It's not "play", assholes, it's FUCKING.

Or watersports, where it's not sports, it's laying in a bathtub wondering just what wrong turn you took in your life to get to the point where JESUS CHRIST HOW MUCH ASPARAGUS CAN YOU EAT IN ONE SITTING.

wtf :lol:

51
Charismatic cults rely on the leadership of, surprise, a charismatic leader who finds ways to keep their congregation close and intact. Discordianism has no leaders and retains its congregation by being such assholes that people can't help themselves but to stick around and show them all.

Cults discourage critical thinking. Discordians self-flagellate if they fail to criticize Discordianism.

Cults isolate members from their families and the rest of society by providing an appearance of being a safe, nurturing community. Discordianism routinely and vehemently encourages you to FUCK OFF.


I'm in a hurry so this post has no real conclusion, also because fuck you.

I'm just trying to get a little sleep.  I'm just trying to catch my damn breath, you know?  I'm just trying to have a little fun out here at the edge of the universe, where the shit-blizzard of failure never stops and people pound on your door all night screaming mental shit about How It All Went Wrong, and where people keep harrassing the Mormons, just because they STOPPED MOVING.  I'm just trying to MAKE SOME SENSE OF IT ALL, in a world in which it is PATENTLY OBVIOUS that God is SICK because if he created US 6000 years ago, HE ALSO CREATED HUMAN-SPECIFIC PUBIC LICE, and why the hell would he do THAT?

CAN I GET AN AMEN?!

52
Aneristic Illusions / Re: PUA reaction/info/derailment thread
« on: June 23, 2014, 07:27:43 pm »
BAM!

"Status > Sex" is what I was dancing around without saying directly. Good work.

53
Aneristic Illusions / Re: PUA reaction/info/derailment thread
« on: June 23, 2014, 03:47:50 pm »
Wow, very nice synopsis, Cainad! I'm not sure where we go from here, honestly. I tell men and boys the same thing, consistently, which is that if you want to eventually have a relationship with a woman, start by making friends with women. Real, actual, care-about-their-feelings-and-experiences friends, without sexual expectations.

It's a good start, and ultimately that's the exact message that needs to get through.

I think it's the "without sexual expectations" part that is the most thorny. Sure, teenage boys and young men can be horny and disappointed that they aren't getting any, but more central to the problem is the idea that being turned down represents a failure to them. Since they usually don't want to internalize the idea that they "failed" to get laid, they lay blame on the girl/woman for being too selfish to see what a great and fuckable guy they are.

The cognitive dissonance, of course, is pretty easy to digest when you're both horny and trying to assuage a completely unjustified sense of failure. I think it's important to bring it to light and emphasize that "being a nice friend" and "demanding sex" are incompatible ideas.

54
Charismatic cults rely on the leadership of, surprise, a charismatic leader who finds ways to keep their congregation close and intact. Discordianism has no leaders and retains its congregation by being such assholes that people can't help themselves but to stick around and show them all.

Cults discourage critical thinking. Discordians self-flagellate if they fail to criticize Discordianism.

Cults isolate members from their families and the rest of society by providing an appearance of being a safe, nurturing community. Discordianism routinely and vehemently encourages you to FUCK OFF.


I'm in a hurry so this post has no real conclusion, also because fuck you.

55
I finally figured out the Ignore function and by god it is rad.

56
Here it is: http://www.nber.org/papers/w13097.pdf

Badasssss! A professor of mine threw out the Lead/Crime thing as a nifty factoid one time in class, and it's stuck in my brain ever since even though I never saw the literature for it.

57
Aneristic Illusions / Re: PUA reaction/info/derailment thread
« on: June 23, 2014, 10:59:56 am »
This thread went bananas while I wasn't looking.

Okay so the bottom line is that we have a really deep-rooted set of memes about masculinity (and, correspondingly, misogyny) that are manifesting in a subset of men who become very focused on their own (sexual) disillusionment. This focus results in phony "solutions" that rely on an Us-vs-Them mentality that rings true with our culture's obsession with competition and dominance, but which demands a lack of empathy for women and tries to strip them of agency.

It would just be pathetic and kind of shitty, but the result of this is two types of men: Manipulative, likely sociopathic assholes who would probably be like this anyway and have, to put it generously, a very rapey ideal for sexual relationships. The other type of men are the sad saps who buy into the mentality, but lo and behold it doesn't actually work because, surprise, it's bullshit and based on totally dysfunctional theories of human interaction.

So at both ends of the spectrum, you get subsets of the male population who are probably making life worse for women, either directly or indirectly. This situation blows chunks out of monkey's ass and it would be totally rad if we found effective ways to counteract this crap.

Where do we go from here?

58
Especially because setting the kitchen on fire as a prelude to receiving a beating is a fairly unusual form of foreplay.

I dunno.  It's not THAT unusual.

And then there was this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SwlqFc8RHA

You may recall.

FUCK YEAH

that got my jimmies ALL KINDS of rustled

59
RPG Ghetto / Re: Larp Toy: Laser Detector
« on: June 23, 2014, 12:38:41 am »
UPDATE ON THE USE OF MAD SCIENCE IN THE PURSUIT OF HIGHER PLANES OF FICTION:

I was there, man. I was there when it all went down.

First, it was just lasers and LEDs and fog machines. And I was like, "Sure Cram, whatever you say. Sounds like a fun time."

Then, it was big speakers with deep droning rhythms and hypnotic light patterns, and I said, "Sure Cram, sounds like a wild ride!"

Then there was the brainwave scanners and the "special sauce" in the fog machine fluid and I was like, "The fuck are you up to, Cram?"

But I was already too deep in it, I had to see it to the end. Poor bastards couldn't have seen it coming. I hid in a closet once I realized that the amount of skin in the room was at least double the amount expected for the number of people present.

Basically, long story short, the real Cram has been in a hospital for a month and, based on his occasional moments of awareness, seems to think he's still larping. All I can get out of him is "I'm immersed as shit right now."

Someone is posting from his account. I haven't figured out who.

Doesn't this more properly belong in the "Tell me about your sex life" thread?

Not THAT kind of role-playing. We're not weird like the others.

60
RPG Ghetto / Re: Larp Toy: Laser Detector
« on: June 23, 2014, 12:27:14 am »
UPDATE ON THE USE OF MAD SCIENCE IN THE PURSUIT OF HIGHER PLANES OF FICTION:

I was there, man. I was there when it all went down.

First, it was just lasers and LEDs and fog machines. And I was like, "Sure Cram, whatever you say. Sounds like a fun time."

Then, it was big speakers with deep droning rhythms and hypnotic light patterns, and I said, "Sure Cram, sounds like a wild ride!"

Then there was the brainwave scanners and the "special sauce" in the fog machine fluid and I was like, "The fuck are you up to, Cram?"

But I was already too deep in it, I had to see it to the end. Poor bastards couldn't have seen it coming. I hid in a closet once I realized that the amount of skin in the room was at least double the amount expected for the number of people present.

Basically, long story short, the real Cram has been in a hospital for a month and, based on his occasional moments of awareness, seems to think he's still larping. All I can get out of him is "I'm immersed as shit right now."

Someone is posting from his account. I haven't figured out who.

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