Messages

91

Apple Zone / Re: ATTN : LMNO

« on: April 24, 2013, 04:47:49 am »

OK.

So two young, muscular men oil up.

Then one puts his arms as far down the other's pants as he can.

In Turkey, this is called "wrestling". I think there's a different name for it here.

You see, there are ropes inside of the pants that the other fellow grabs on to. The goal being to get your opponent on his back.

Yeah... grab his "rope"... yup.

92

Apple Zone / Re: ITT - OFFICIAL VOTING FOR NEW MEXICO

« on: April 24, 2013, 04:45:53 am »

fucking GLORIOUS

93

Aneristic Illusions / Re: "Stupid wingnut says something stupid" thread

« on: April 23, 2013, 08:49:02 pm »

http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2012/11/26/175605/complaint-filed-against-kentucky.html#disqus_thread

The mother of a Laurel County high school student has filed a complaint against a teacher who wrote "You can't be a Democrat & go to heaven" on her classroom whiteboard.

...

School officials later told her Baker had apologized to Chelsea, but said she had felt Chelsea would be able to take a joke, Gilbert said.

In a place like that, who's going to heaven and who's not is never a joke, if you're in the minority.

94

Apple Zone / Re: ITT - OFFICIAL VOTING FOR NEW MEXICO

« on: April 23, 2013, 08:41:36 pm »

Pretty much. I guess the phrase "Run while you still have legs!" means something different when it's being hollered at a bunch of humans by something that can regenerate lost limbs.



AND WHICH ONE OF YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS VOTED FOR ME?! I know the vote is a sham, but honestly.

95

Apple Zone / Re: ITT - OFFICIAL VOTING FOR NEW MEXICO

« on: April 23, 2013, 08:32:22 pm »

Fair enough. But acknowledging the facts has rarely been very effective at stopping primates, once we get ourselves all worked up into a tizzy.

We may, in fact, never catch you. It's actually quite probable, given our track record.

There IS a second half to the joke. Whether or not we ever get it is immaterial.

96

Apple Zone / Re: ITT - OFFICIAL VOTING FOR NEW MEXICO

« on: April 23, 2013, 08:09:25 pm »

Aw, FUCK.  I've spent 10 years ducking out of this messiah shit, because I SAW WHAT HAPPENED TO PAYNE.

Chase me all you like, human filth.  I can run right up the side of a skyscraper.

Payne knew exactly what he was doing, and did it anyway just to get some cheap yuks. Praise be to the Motherfucking Messiah, Hallowed be thy Name, and deliver us unto Temptation because we gobble that shit up, etc.


Run as far as you can, Good Reverend. We've spent thousands of years, since you were just a leathery, speckled egg, perfecting the art of grinding our saviors into the dust. Like the lions we grew up running away from, when we see Holiness on the run we just can't help ourselves.

97

Apple Zone / Re: Thing Listen To: Welcome to Night Vale

« on: April 23, 2013, 07:51:50 pm »

I hadn't actually bothered to check out Disparition, or the other artists from the weather segments. Maybe I should look in to that.

98

Apple Zone / Re: ITT - OFFICIAL VOTING FOR NEW MEXICO

« on: April 23, 2013, 07:49:34 pm »

As a Right Reverend I must vote with my faith, and my faith tells me that there IS a second half of the joke.

No matter what happens, I will remain resolute in my support for TGRR as Mexico, even if he himself rejects the position.

He claims he will take the punchline to the grave with him. This is because he believes that death is the last place where His People cannot follow him.

Muahahahaha.

Maybe if we ply him with enough fleshlights he'll give us the second half of the joke.

Reptilian Holy Men are a finicky breed. If you can't catch them while they're shedding their old scales (and they've learned how to get that done fast), normal means of persuasion are largely ineffective.

For example, reptiles often have dual penises. Unless you can afford that many custom-designed fleshlights, it's going to be very difficult.


Cold-blooded creatures do possess a literally inhuman patience, but they can only move quickly in short bursts. Our simian ancestors adapted bipedal movement so that we could more efficiently traverse long stretches of hot, dry landscape.

"Scientists" would have you believe that this was so we could roam long distances in search of food. We religious figures know that is was so that our ancestors, knowing that their newly-evolved frontal lobes had doomed them to be horribly aware of how stupid they could be, could chase down our Reptilian Holy Men, no matter how long they tried to hide.


Stupid simian sinners seeking saurian saviors.

99

Apple Zone / Re: ITT - OFFICIAL VOTING FOR NEW MEXICO

« on: April 23, 2013, 07:32:43 pm »

As a Right Reverend I must vote with my faith, and my faith tells me that there IS a second half of the joke.

No matter what happens, I will remain resolute in my support for TGRR as Mexico, even if he himself rejects the position.

He claims he will take the punchline to the grave with him. This is because he believes that death is the last place where His People cannot follow him.

Muahahahaha.

100

Aneristic Illusions / Re: So, RWHN, it appears your predictions of doom are contradicted

« on: April 23, 2013, 06:08:26 am »

i think some puns are allowable to get a thread to one hundred pages in a reasonable amount to thyme.

and honestly, with the ridiculous carrot an cinammon angles we've recently taken, we had it cumin to us.

You're all fired. Get the fuck out of my office.

101

Apple Zone / Re: Thing Listen To: Welcome to Night Vale

« on: April 23, 2013, 04:20:55 am »

Carlos the scientist--beautiful, perfect Carlos and his perfect hair--is also a notable citizen of Night Vale.

102

Apple Zone / Re: Thing Listen To: Welcome to Night Vale

« on: April 23, 2013, 03:59:53 am »

It's been mentioned again at least once. I'm not all the way through them yet.

Old Woman Josie, out near the car lot, and the angels are mentioned nearly every episode.

103

Apple Zone / Re: Thing Listen To: Welcome to Night Vale

« on: April 23, 2013, 03:50:57 am »

  The Apache Tracker is probably my favorite reoccurring thing in this.

104

Apple Zone / Re: Hey Nigel, you're taking a Statistics class too, right?

« on: April 22, 2013, 10:30:13 pm »

Yarganarganarg!

105

Apple Zone / Re: ITT - OFFICIAL VOTING FOR NEW MEXICO

« on: April 22, 2013, 08:55:06 pm »

I did what now?


Ffffffuuuuuu-

Worry not, my friend.  Come the revolution, I shall save a sunny spot on the wall for you.

First they came for the Lizards, and I said nothing because I was not a Lizard...


Then the Lizards came back, and everything got weird.