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Topics - Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Literate Chaotic / Ecclesiastes Vs. Fundamentalism
« on: March 19, 2009, 02:21:34 am »
I have a pointer for any of you who tend to get into a lot of arguments with religious fundamentalists. Namely, you should memorize as much of the Book of Ecclesiastes as you can, as it provides counterpoints and refutations to many of the parts of the Bible that the more pompous fundamentalists are prone to quoting, yet it itself is in the Bible, so the fundamentalists can't contest it.
To give a few excerpts;

Ecclesiastes 2:16 For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool for ever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool.

Ecclesiastes 3:16 And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.

Ecclesiastes 3:18 I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.

Ecclesiastes 3:19 For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.

Ecclesiastes 6:6 Yea, though he live a thousand years twice told, yet hath he seen no good: do not all go to one place?

Ecclesiastes 9:2 All things come alike to all: there is one event to the righteous, and to the wicked; to the good and to the clean, and to the unclean; to him that sacrificeth, and to him that sacrificeth not: as is the good, so is the sinner; and he that sweareth, as he that feareth an oath.

Ecclesiastes 9:5 For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten.

Ecclesiastes 9:10 Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.
(cf. Book of the SubGenius, "don't just eat a Hamburger, eat the hell out of it!")

Ecclesiastes 10:19 A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things.

Ecclesiastes 7:15 All things have I seen in the days of my vanity: there is a just man that perisheth in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man that prolongeth his life in his wickedness.

Ecclesiastes 7:16 Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself ?

I'd just like to repeat that last one again for emphasis...

Ecclesiastes 7:16 Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself ?

Or Kill Me / God Does Not Remove the Terror of Science!!!!
« on: March 12, 2009, 12:07:29 am »
:fnord: :fnord: God Does Not Remove the Terror of Science!!!! :fnord: :fnord:

Many people cling to the belief of a divine (or, in the case of some cults, alien) creator with the idea that if this creator is real, then it will somehow make the world "meaningful" or somehow "explain" existence. Well, i don't know what to believe, but I know that the existence or non-existence of God won't change the meaninglessness of our existence one bit either way!

Are "the Sims" meaningful?!? They had an intelligent creator!!!!!
A divine creator doesn't solve anything, it just moves it somewhere else! So what if God created the universe? So what if we were made for a reason? Where did the creator come from?!? What is his reason?!?!?!?!?.

Sooner or later everything boils down to something arbitrary! Everything falls apart, either one way, or another! A meaningless creator does not a meaningful universe make! GOD DOES NOT REMOVE THE TERROR OF SCIENCE!!!!!

Bring and Brag / The Yellow Dobbshead
« on: February 21, 2009, 12:58:21 pm »
I've come up with a new holy symbol for the church of the SubGenius. Its based, loosely, on The Yellow Sign of Hastur the Unspeakable, but twisted so that it resembles J.R."BOB"Dobbs. I call it: "The Yellow Dobbshead (Of Dobbs)"

(Note that I do have better pictures of this, which resemble the original Yellow Sign more closely, on my PC, but I used this one because it was already uploaded to the internet and I'm lazy)

What do you think?

Check out the book "Would You Rather: MindF*cks" (Please Note that the asterisk in the title is an actual part of the book's title)

I picked up a copy of this over the summer, and thought that it might be of interest here. its got some pretty good weird ideas (like rocking out to the National Public Radio News, or answering exam questions in crayon, or asking the guy at the deli counter at your local supermarket for "The most human tasting meat that you have" 
:lulz: :whack:

Literate Chaotic / X-Ray Porn
« on: February 21, 2009, 02:49:44 am »
Now you see, this is the kind of biological research that I want to get into when I graduate college :lulz:...

Magnetic resonance imaging of male and female genitals during coitus and female sexual arousal

Midsagittal image of the anatomy of sexual intercourse :sheep:

(BTW, as far as I can tell, this is a real thing...)

Literate Chaotic / The Lovecraft Code
« on: February 19, 2009, 02:11:48 am »
You people realize that "Yog-Sothoth" is supposed to be Je*ovah, right?

I realized this one day while reading a book about ancient egypt, and I noticed that the name that the Egyptians used to refer to the Hebrew God was "Yabo-Sabaho" (which sounds suspiciously familiar, doesn't it), and that this was explained, in a footnote as being a corruption of one of the Hebrew names for God. I did some more research and found that this was, indeed, a corruption of the phrase "YHV*-Sabaoth"*("J*hovah, lord of Hosts"). This sounds very similar, and I don't think that its a coincidence :fnord:
...And now you know the rest of the story.

*Pronounced "săb-ōth", see

Techmology and Scientism / The Annals of Improbable Research
« on: February 13, 2009, 09:47:10 pm »
Check out the Annals of Improbable Research. I came across some old issues of this magazine in my college's library archives yesterday, mixed in with the real scientific journals, and I quickly decided that I had to look them up online... maybe order a subscription or something....

It reads like a science themed version of The National Lampoon. They have articles about things like repairing a black hole with spackle, feng-shui experimentation to isolate the "Ch'i Meson", A scientific study of whether you can really break the ground open with "groundbreaking" articles, et cetera...... I highly reccommend it!

Discordian Recipes / Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer Cocktail
« on: February 07, 2009, 03:25:55 am »
This one is relatively serious inso much as, vis-a-vis, you can actually make it without being arrested or institutionalized....Its basically an "Arnold Palmer" cocktail (Iced Tea + Lemonade) that I've modified to venerate the Bleeding-Head-of-Arnold-Palmer idol worshipped at Doktors-4-"BOB" performances...

Put the following things together in a glass, stirring throughout :cheers:...
1.) Fill a glass 2/5ths of the way up with Iced Tea
2.) Add Lemonade until the glass is 4/5ths full
3.) Add somewhere between a teaspoonful to a full shot of fruit infused rum
4.) Add A few splashes of grenadine syrup until the mixture turns blood red
5.) Add other miscellaneous garnishes until the glass is the full 5/5ths full. I reccommend powdered ginger and a lime wedge, and maybe some orange juice or more rum, or you could add nutmeg (because I've heard...from my botany professor...that if you consume enough of it, it can have mild hallucinogenic effects :tinfoilhat:)...whatever suits you, really.....

Literate Chaotic / Discordian and SubGenius Mantras
« on: February 07, 2009, 01:13:50 am »
From the Desks of Diogenes Syadasti Maharishi Shandor, O.M.
 and Bohandas Mohandas Banannafannafofondis:

The Following are some SubGenius and Discordian mantras, which I have either gathered from various sources (Including five which I've made up myself- The FSM Mantra, the 2 Holy-Grail Mantras, the Discordian-Mantras mantra, and the Obscene Votive Candle mantra). To fully understand the meanings of some of these mantras, it is reccommended that you be familiar with, among other things, The Principia Discordia (Obviously), the Muscial Stylings of DEVO, the musical stylings of The Doktors for "BOB", the films Arise, Let's Visit the World of the Future and Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the TV shows Pinky and the Brain and Dr.Who, the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the SubGenius BOB-Songs CDs, and a smattering of French-Canadian profanity* (At least two are based on obscene, religion related, French/Québecois double-entendres). None of these, however, are strictly required. And now, without further ado, the Mantras:

The Bleeding Head Mantra:
“Bleeding Head Good! Healed Head Bad!”

The Arnold Palmer/Head Launching Mantra (may be combined w/ the above):
“Launch the Head; Launch the Head!”

The Universal DEVO-“BOB“ Mantra:
“I am “BOB“, I am Not “BOB“, You are “BOB“, We are all “BOB“, We are All Devo., We are “BOB“”

The Holy Grail Mantra:
“Aauuuuugh” (From the back of the throat)
(hmmm....He must've died while typing it.....)

The Holy Grail Mantra (Expanded):
“Aauuuuugh…San-Gréal Câlise; de la Sacrament de la Sacrifice à Calvaire de la Crisse; à la Tabernac à…Aauuuuugh”

The J.R. “BOB“ Dobbs Mantra:
“You Are J.R. “BOB“ Dobbs; You Are Not J.R. “BOB“ Dobbs; You Have Always Been  J.R. “BOB“ Dobbs”

The Sri Syadasti Mantra:

The Root Chakra Mantra:

The Litany of Deevolution (The Jocko-Homo Mantra):
“Are we not men?; We are Devo.; Are We Not Men?; We Are Devo.; Are We Not Pins?; We Are Devo.; Are we Not Men?; We Are Devo.;  We Must Repeat; D-E-V-O; We Must Repeat D-E-V-O; We Must Repeat; D-E-V-O; We Must Repeat D-E-V-O.”

The Québecois Obscene Votive Candle Mantra:
“Ciarge de la Sacré Ciboire de la Tabernac de la Ostie et Câlise de la Sacrament de la Sacrifice à Calvaire; de la Sang Réal de la Crisse-Dieu fils ****-Un par Baptême et le Plus Crissant le fils de la Viarge :argh!:” (Should be said with a Freach-Canadian Accent)


The Doktors 4 “BOB“ Mantra:

The Skaro Mantra:
“Exterminate! Annihilate! Destroy!”

The Mr.Show Mantra:
“The BOB is not a person; The BOB is Pure-Light-And-Energy; He Will Lead Us Out Through Heaven’s-Chimney in a Giant, Cigar-Shaped UFO™-Brand Flying-Saucer”

(See BOBsongs 6 track #6)

The B-Movie Mantra:
“It is Film! It is Giant People! Yes, yes you are Watching! No, no you Will Not Forget What You See”

The SubGenius Mantras Mantra:
"Ommmmmm....SubGenius Mantras for Use By Discordians or Members of the Church of the SubGenius...Huenh......”

The Bavarian Illuminati Mantra:
“Fnord :fnord:…”

The mad lab-rat Mantra:
“Narf…”(/ “Zort”) (/ “Troz”) (/ “Poit”)
(May be combined with the Bavarian Illuminati Mantra, the Holy Grail Mantra, the Root Chakra Mantra, the Flying Spaghetti Monster Mantra (see below) and/or the Doktors-4-“BOB” Mantra)

The Flying Spaghetti Monster Mantra:
“Arrr…” (end cycle of chants with the chant “…r-amen…”)


So what do you think?


If anybody has any other ideas for Discordian or SubGenius mantras, you can post them here, by the way.



Or Kill Me / Salve Discordia
« on: January 29, 2009, 03:49:37 pm »
(A quick word before i start: I'm new to this forum and not sure if this bit of philosophical speculation is being posted in the right place, but it seems to be the right place. If it isn't, then tell me. oh, and Hi :wave: )

From the Desk of Prelate Diogenes Gilgamesh Zarathustra Shandor, A.R.S.E. :mrgreen:
(Please note that the final portion(1) of this rant/diatribe is written in a slightly different style, as it was originally part of a paper that (which?) I wrote for a college course)

Salve Discordia:

One thing which I have noticed about many Discordians is that many of them seem to believe that everyone can get along without arguing, forgetting that Eris is, first and foremost, the goddess of discord; A more important problem however, and one which is perpetrated by Discordians and Non-Discordians alike (particularly in the Church of the Sub-Genius) is a misinterpretation of the meaning of this discord:

   The Discord of Eris is not the bloody warfare of Ares or the wholesale destruction of J.R."BOB" Dobbs :rogpipe: (may all acquittals be upon his name), but rather merely the small-scale petty bickering and domestic unrest seen amongst the guests of "The Jerry Springer Show" and those people picked up by the police on "Cops" and of mudslinging politicians during an election year.

   Nor is the truest and holiest Strife of Eris Discordia manifest in acts of one-sided oppression either, but is only present in the skirmishes and uprisings and general popular unrest that arise as a reaction thereto. \The strife and discord of Eris are more the tool of the freedom fighter than of the oppressor. Generally there have to be two real sides both fighting in order for there to be actual discord between them; when only one side is fighting and the other isn't fighting back, that isn't discord, its more in the realm of being stepped on.

   Her Strife and Discord are present, to some degree, in the endless forms and infuriating decision making processes of bureaucracies, but only in their most bastardized form, as bureaucracies are often put in place in order to prevent conflicts, or at least those conflicts that could harm or pose a threat to their parent governments or companies, replacing them with stodgy, bastardized pseudo-conflicts that play out only on paper under the direction of uncaring paper pushers :fnord:. Bureaucracies, and other infuriating things, instead lend more to the Discord of Eris more so in the expressions of outrage which they create than they do by the outrage itself their internal decision making.

   The discord of Eris is also manifest in the system of checks and balances of our political system(2); Even though the majority of both the Democrats and the Republicans are either promoting some corrupt personal or partisan agenda and/or (else), failing that, are incompetent, when you get both parties together in congress in approximately even numbers, the corruptions on both sides more-or-less cancel each other out. If there was only one political party, then all of that party’s agendas and machinations, even those of the most corrupt nature, would quickly come to fruition and we’d swiftly be plunged into a nightmarish dystopia. If both of the parties, instead, acted truly bi-partisanly, then it would either be functionally the same as having only one political party, or else we would get stuck with compromised (and/or bastardized) laws that please nobody :x.

   Oh, and also evolution; Strife and Discord power evolution as well; The Natural Selection part of evolution anyway...

Since it is perhaps naïve to believe that we can ever all get along truly equitably, here are just a few examples of situations where, by replacing methods of conflict resolution that rely on warfare or dehumanizing stodginess, the Discord of Eris could enrich all of our lives, if only society would let it:

1.) Bureaucracies: :vom: these are generally put in place to ensure that resources are allocated in the most efficient way possible, but are themselves wildly inefficient. I think that we can all agree that it would less time consuming and aggravating for all involved if we settled questions of resource allocation through bare-knuckle brawls instead. This system would also represent a savings in terms of space for corporations and governmental departments based in a small number of large buildings, as a boxing ring, pit-of-death, and/or Thunderdome in each building would take up less space than that already used up by bureaucratic record-keeping facilities and the offices of existing bureaucrats

2.) Peace and War: If everyone could learn to be so uncooperative that order could no longer be maintained within the ranks of armies than there would be no more wars.
                                       Imagine, if you will, two world powers poised on the brink of nuclear war, as they were back in the dark days of the cold war. Their leaders give the order to fire, but the soldiers refuse; They feel that if they’re going to be firing off nuclear missiles all of a sudden then they deserve a raise in pay. Their commanding officer browbeats them for insubordination and while he’s doing so, another soldier with a preexisting grudge shoots him; The entire missile silo instantly erupts into a multi-sided firefight between the soldiers. Within minutes nobody is left to fire the missiles. Similar disputes break out in all of the missile silos on both sides of the conflict and because of this a nuclear holocaust is narrowly averted and Peace is thus restored to the world.

3.) Peaceful Conflict Resolution: I believe that the most sensible way for the leaders of the world’s various nations to settle conflicts without going to war is to attack each other directly, or, failing that, to attack each other’s families. This would be preferable both in terms of loss of life and effects on the national economy.
          To give just one specific example (of many possible) of just the economic benefits of this plan, current estimations show that the United States of America could have saved up to possibly as much as 4.5 trillion dollars (and almost countless lives) to date by bribing one of Saddam Hussein’s bodyguards to murder him in his sleep(3) instead of going to war in Iraq.

I am not a crackpot, (or, at least, if I am, then that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m wrong)!
      -Diogenes Shandor      
      -Bohandas Banannafannafofondas       [11:04 05 09 13AM]


1 yes, really, the final, “rant’ portion, not the beginning.

2 (I live in the USA, but this is true to a greater or lesser extent of any democracy with at least two or more political parties)

3 Note that the included estimations of savings have already factored in an expenditure of up to 500 Billion Dollars in bribes and other expenses to carry out said hypothetical assassination.

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