Author Topic: Its time to put a rest to these rumours...  (Read 16606 times)

Cain

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Its time to put a rest to these rumours...
« on: July 06, 2006, 12:35:04 pm »
I know these assertions have been flying around the net recently and it has been fun to watch them evolve, mutate and be discussed.  However, all good things must come to the end, and I revel in my role in making people suffer.  So with great pleasure I inform you of the following:

1. Richard M. Nixon did NOT write the Principia Discordia in a brief moment of lucidity.  He never used the pen-name of Malaclypse.  Absolutely not.  There is no evidence for this conclusion whatsoever.  None at all.  And he didn't convert Chairman Mao and teach him the secrets of levitation, as popular rumour (and a carefully doctored photo, included for completeness*) would have us believe.

2. The Popular Front for the Liberation of Discordia are not involved in any hostile takeover bid of International Arms and Hashish Inc.  Furthermore, Episkopos Cain is not the new CEO, nor does he intend to be.  We believe these rumours have been spread by Mexican Communists working under orders originating out of Pyongyang and thus have no basis in fact.

3. There is no mysterious é─˙Fifth Internationalé─¨ alliance consisting of many Discordian Cabals, the Church of the Subgenius, the Moorish Orthodox Church, the Coptic Orthodox People of the Herb, neo-pagans, the Egyptian Church of New Zealand, the Kaos Kabal of London, Libertarian Congregationalists, The Sacred Jihad of Our Lady of Chaos and other é─˙fourth wayé─¨ sects. The rumour was put about by enemies of the World Congress of Free Religions, who were implicated as a front group for the Fifth International, presumably as part of a smear campaign.

4. The sad disappearance of Joesph Matheny after meeting with several Cabals in the Santa Cruz mountain region while searching for a lead on the é─˙travel culté─¨ founded by the renegade SDI researcher Nick Herbert had nothing to do with us.  He did mention to a Legionnaire he met briefly to exchange information with that, while trying to find Emory Cranston, the conspiracy theorist associated with Herbert, he had seen inside his P.O. Box in Ong's Hat and only found é─˙solicitations from a church of geniuses in Dallas, Texas or some such nonsense.é─¨  That was the last contact we had with him.  All questions and inquiries should be directed to either Herbert or Cranston, should they be contactable.

5. When the ban was lifted in Greece on the worship of the Olympian deities, several é─˙monksé─¨ dressed in green robes were present in Athens and did say a prayer in the Sanctuary of Ares, before the image of Enyo, before leaving.  But no-one knows who they were, or if their presence there had anything to do with the decision taken by the Greek government, or indeed the apparent horror at which the decision was greeted by the Greek Orthodox Church.

6. The New Soviet Red Army and its various associated financial, legal and intelligence branches were disbanded in the summer of 2005.  Any activities claimed to be by them are nothing more than rogue operatives, or other organizations using the name to cover their own deeds.  Any group using the name to recruit should be treated with the utmost suspicion.  It is suspected the fate of several of those who have joined such fake organizations is both violent and bloody.

7.  There was no Discordian involvement about the now infamous expos?ę that lead to the dismissal of Maxwell Knight of Neurocam International, starting the long decline and internal chaos of the company.  While it is known that at least one Discordian has a copy of the incident saved to his hard disk, he has refused to show it to anyone and believes his keeping it secret is integral to his personal security.

8. The midget was most definitely on fire before The Good Reverend Roger arrived at the party.  I myself can testify to this.

*

LMNO

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Its time to put a rest to these rumours...
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2006, 12:39:18 pm »
Fukcing wonderful.  May I work this up into a document?


PS - point 7:  "led" not "lead".

Cain

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« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2006, 12:43:18 pm »
Of course.  Such rumours need to be countered with a high publicity campaign.  Thanks for the typo, I wrote this in a hurry yesterday.  I was about to miss my favourite cultural train wreck, the Jeremy Kyle Show.

PS: These are not the much vaunted conspiracies I am working on.  But some of them may make another appearance in due time.

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« Reply #3 on: July 06, 2006, 12:44:46 pm »
Oh, and I love that picture of Nixon.


I'm on it.  Syn should expect something to post by the end of the day.

Demolition_Squid

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« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2006, 12:45:32 pm »
Phew!


Thanks for clearing that up, Cain, some of us were getting really worried. Poor midget...
Truly, though our element is time,
We are not suited to the long perspectives
Open at each instant of our lives.
They link us to our losses: worse,
They show us what we have as it once was,
Blindingly undiminished, just as though
By acting differently, we could have kept it so.

-Reference Back, Phillip Larkin

Cain

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« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2006, 12:45:38 pm »
Chaplin found it originally.  I wanted to include the one of him shaking hands with Mao too, but Wiki wouldn't let me steal theirs.

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« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2006, 01:30:41 pm »
How would you like this titled?

I have a title page, the debunking on the inside, and the nixon pic on the back.


I just need a title.


[edit: I was thinking of "In Response to the Recent Allegations Against Certain Organizations and their Involvement in Recent History"]

Cain

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« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2006, 01:38:44 pm »
Sounds good to me.  Give it a reference number or something as well, making it look official.

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« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2006, 01:40:50 pm »
What about the author's name?

It could either be you, or a consortium, or...?

Cain

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« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2006, 01:53:34 pm »
Communications Office, Popular Front for the Liberation of Discordia
email: pfld.comms@googlemail.com

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« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2006, 02:04:10 pm »
Test copy:

Rumors.

Cain

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« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2006, 02:05:03 pm »
The Websense category "Illegal or Questionable" is filtered. Dorset County Council staff are reminded that, in accordance with the DCC IT Security Standards, all staff internet usage is logged and monitored.

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« Reply #12 on: July 06, 2006, 02:12:01 pm »
Prepare for email delivery.

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« Reply #13 on: July 06, 2006, 02:23:30 pm »
Additional comment:

If said pamphlet is to be released by Communications Office, perhaps use of the first person (save for point 8 ), should be eschewed.


LMNO
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Cain

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« Reply #14 on: July 06, 2006, 03:09:48 pm »
Change it to "we" then, perhaps drop some of it if it wont make sense.