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Rev Roger, Sermon 59: I can't stop LAUGHING!

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, May 15, 2007, 01:44:24 AM

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The Good Reverend Roger

May 15, 2007, 01:44:24 AM
My neighbor, who used to make jokes about feeding my Jeep to his Hummer2, is just about frantic.  He gets 2 miles/gal in the city, and gas is $3/gal here right now.  Last I saw him, he was scrawling "For Sale" on the side of his Hummer in his own arterial blood.

Ain't that a blast? 

Funniest thing is listening to dumbasses argue whether the price increase is caused by greedy oil execs or whether the oil is actually running out (they wouldn't tell us if it was)...because, you see, it doesn't fucking matter.  The fact is that gasoline prices are heading up again, and every time they do, they never come all the way back down to their previous levels...for one reason or the other, you and I are going to lose one of the last Freedoms,Ñ¢ that Americans have left; the freedom of the open road.

Yep.  Until now, no matter how bad things got, you could always hop in the car and go blasting down the highway, obeying that primal fight-or-flee impulse, and at least make yourself feel a little better about your credit card debt and your adjustable rate mortgage and the fact that your kids are being taught to be clerks in schools now.

But no more.  You'll sit your ass down with all the other proles, and shut the fuck up.  You'll hold that stress in until you either die of a heart attack or go climbing a water tower with a scoped rifle...and both of those things, my friend, are exactly what they want you to do.

Ain't that a hoot?

So what are you gonna do about it?  Odds are, most of you will simply adjust to another downgrade in your standard of living, and another, until you become some horrible little golem, trudging to the office or the kitchen every day, for the rest of your miserable lives.  Good on ya.

But for the rest...for the superior mutants, we know that's not what "Bob" had in mind for you, don't we?  HELL NO, BROTHERS AND SISTERS!  "Bob" knows what you NEED to do is DECK OUT A FRONT END LOADER, GRAB A HOCKEY MASK, AND GO HOWLING DOWN THAT LOST HIGHWAY LIKE THE REINCARNATION OF LORD HUMONGOUS FROM ROAD WARRIOR!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

hunter s.durden

#1
May 15, 2007, 01:52:54 AM
You do love your road trips, don't you?
This space for rent.

Jasper

#2
May 15, 2007, 01:58:17 AM
Motorcycles get great mileage.  And as for safety?

Everyone dies.  Not everyone lives.

Idem

#3
May 15, 2007, 02:07:27 AM
Quote from: hunter s.durden on May 15, 2007, 01:52:54 AM
You do love your road trips, don't you?

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
May 15, 2007, 02:08:43 AM
Quote from: hunter s.durden on May 15, 2007, 01:52:54 AM
You do love your road trips, don't you?


Needs more sawed-off shotgun.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jenne

#5
May 15, 2007, 09:09:18 PM
...would this be a good time to point out this Friday is "bike to work" day?

...didn't think so.

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
May 15, 2007, 09:20:39 PM
Quote from: Jenne on May 15, 2007, 09:09:18 PM
...would this be a good time to point out this Friday is "bike to work" day?

...didn't think so.

It is?

Oh.

Well, that frivolous little gesture on the part of guilt-ridden suburbanites has solved our fuel problems forever!

Never mind.  Problem orver.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jenne

#7
May 15, 2007, 09:22:34 PM
That's pretty much what I thought as every FREEWAY SIGN had that advertised all over it:

DON'T FORGET: FRIDAY MAY 18TH BIKE TO WORK DAY!

Adios

#8
May 15, 2007, 09:42:08 PM
Quote from: hunter s.durden on May 15, 2007, 01:52:54 AM
You do love your road trips, don't you?


A mindless destination free drive is my version of heaven. Especially if it ends up in the mountains away from other primates.

East Coast Hustle

#9
May 15, 2007, 10:26:44 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 15, 2007, 01:58:17 AM
Motorcycles get great mileage.  And as for safety?

Everyone dies.  Not everyone lives.

this is, believe it or not, the correct motorcycle.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

East Coast Hustle

#10
May 15, 2007, 10:30:12 PM
I couldn't agree with you more, Roger. Road-Tripping used to be one of my greatest pleasures in life until The Authorities decided that my idea of the "rules of the road" didn't jibe with theirs. 4 years later I got my license back, but then I discovered that my '75 Pontial Grandville Brougham Convertible with a 400 and a 4-barrel was no longer a practical way of transversing the country. I'm STILL pissed about it, too.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Jasper

#11
May 16, 2007, 01:13:06 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on May 15, 2007, 10:26:44 PM
Quote from: Felix on May 15, 2007, 01:58:17 AM
Motorcycles get great mileage.  And as for safety?

Everyone dies.  Not everyone lives.

this is, believe it or not, the correct motorcycle.

*Pantomimes handlebars and bike noises*

BWWUUAAAAAAA!!

Shit

#12
May 16, 2007, 01:21:11 AM
Quote from: Jenne on May 15, 2007, 09:22:34 PM
That's pretty much what I thought as every FREEWAY SIGN had that advertised all over it:

DON'T FORGET: FRIDAY MAY 18TH BIKE TO WORK DAY!
Best idea since carpool lanes.
So long, and thanks for all the shit.

Jasper

#13
May 16, 2007, 01:25:10 AM
If you CAN bike to work, you should do so every damn day.  Biking is good for you.

Pope Lecherous

#14
May 16, 2007, 01:58:59 AM
They got us by the balls (and ovaries for some) cuz we need gas.  The price is just based on what we are willing to pay and the oil is not scarce... that's just one of the justifications for the price that is set.  Oh well.

Pope Lecherous,
Feel the Big Black Shafttm push in a little deeper :eek:
--- War to the knife, knife to the hilt.
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